GIANT STEPS

[Bellerine]

This is my new diary for Phase 2 of my journey. I am finished with Baby Steps. Thanks to everyone for your posts and support. I have reached my first goal of 216.5lbs and its time to move on to the next phase of the diet. My new goal is 195 lbs and I want to lose that 21.5 lbs in six weeks.

I am scared. Its scary starting a new diary and setting a new goal. I was doing so well with the old one - why did I have to go and reach it. I liked being the beginner, the newbie, the freshman. Now I am almost five weeks in I have to shed those labels and acknowledge that I am actually doing this diet properly and not just as a short little experiment to make myself feel better for a while. In the past "I tried to lose weight last month, I'll try again next month" satisfied the guilt demon and kept him down. THIS IS NOT AN EXPERIMENT. THIS IS IT. The real thing, the one, the last, the journey to the real me - the marathon runner trapped in a fat fat fat body.

It would be so easy to give up now - my stomach has reduced significantly and I dont feel like people are staring any more. I could pass myself off in society. Being at goal seems like a distant dream, a fantasy that will never come true. This seems like a game I am playing. How do I find the grit I need to get to goal. How do people LOSE eight stone. How do you keep going????

How do I keep going??

This is the diary where I try to find out.

Belle

p.s. I am going to stay 100% today. I want my body and my heart to wake up happy tomorrow. That is what is keeping me on this diet at the mo - not the promise of being size 10.. No, the absence of guilt. Thats all.

 

[Bellerine]

So Day two on the new diary. I did a sneaky weigh in this morning and I am down 3 lbs so far this week with 3 days to go to wi on Monday. Id love to make it four pounds so you'll see a fat girl pounding the pavement near my house this weekend!

Success is motivating. Each little success, each pound lost probably motivates me to lose another five. Its extraordinary how good it feels to be LOSING weight, not gaining it, not feeling guilty and like a loser every goddam day. Yay me.

I have stresses this week, a big audit at work coming up and a day away down the country tomorrow. But I feel that I can cope with those now without stuffing myself with food. Five weeks ago my reaction to stress was to eat and eat and it didnt stop. THe desire to stuff myself is vanished. Vanished like yesterdays winds. And it seems unbelieveable to me that I used to be like that. Why for god sake did I eat like that.

I am still not thin. I caught sight of myself in the mirror this morning and I am still fat. But less than before so thats good. A long way to go yet.

Belle

 

[valentine]

Hiya Bell... sounds like you have found the Mojo to lose the rest of the weight.. I used to set goals of 14lb increments when i was at my heaviest.. Did not seem quite so daunting as looking at the bigger picture of needing to lose about 9st .. it was a stone at a time for me.. just a shame that i wasnt on a slimming forum and could keep a check on my weightloss as it would be great to look back on now.. but ho hum i can for the last part of it eh..

Good luck with achieving your next goal. I'm sure you will xx

 

[steeleee]

You've done amazingly well so far Love how motivated you are too! Good luck, keep going!

 

[Darcy15]

Love your motivation!

Congratulations on your fab loss as well

 

[Niennor]

WAAHOOO well done Belle!!
So pleased youve reached first goal!
The only way is down from here
Looking forward to your diary as you've been soooooooo motivational and helpful to me so far I want to help you too and we will slim together!!
X

 

[Bellerine]

Hi there Valentine. I posted a message on here last night but it appears to be lost in the ether. In short I don;t know yet if I have the diet mojo. It really is one day at a time. I don't tink I could live with the guilt if I came off it now though so thats as good as reason as any to get through each day!! I shudda cudda wudda gone for a band like you but I am doing ok. Just 91lbs to go !! Wish I was at the other end of the ticker like you. 114lbs lost is amazing. THAT is motivating...

Belle

 

[Bellerine]

To Steelee, Darcy and Niennor (henceforth to be known as sad bellybutton) - To each of you a heartfelt thanks. To come online and find such uplifting and supportive messages means a lot. I am heading over to each of your diaries to check out how you all are doing!!

Belle

 

[Niennor]

Haha laughed out loud belle!!!!! Yes it's true me and my sad belly button!!!!

Good luck with the pavement pounding today! You can blame any red face on sun burn heheh

 

[Bellerine]

Hi Nienor

Hehehehe. I just couldnt resist that one!!. I did pound the pavement today. I pushed the two wee ones in the double buggy for about 5 kilometres and then walked a further 4 kms while my oh pushed. Then I swam 40 lengths. I did a check online on the calories Ive used up and it said 1400!!! Wow.

Anyhow I am not so worried now about my aam last night and am looking forward to wi tomorrow. I am hoping for 4 lbs but 3 would be ok after last weeks whopping 6lb loss. I will be in the 14s soon - next week maybe..... it is very exciting.

Belle

 

[ladygaga]

You are doing so well Belle....just look at your ticker moving along. You sounds like you are reaping the benefits of losing weight and your updates are very inspiring. Keep up the good work missy and here's to a fab week ahead xx

 

[Darcy15]

Hi Nienor

Hehehehe. I just couldnt resist that one!!. I did pound the pavement today. I pushed the two wee ones in the double buggy for about 5 kilometres and then walked a further 4 kms while my oh pushed. Then I swam 40 lengths. I did a check online on the calories Ive used up and it said 1400!!! Wow.

Anyhow I am not so worried now about my aam last night and am looking forward to wi tomorrow. I am hoping for 4 lbs but 3 would be ok after last weeks whopping 6lb loss. I will be in the 14s soon - next week maybe..... it is very exciting.

Belle

I'm exhausted just reading this - wow!!

 

[Bellerine]

I'm exhausted just reading this - wow!!

Hi Darcy. You ought to have seen my poor husband!! I was really pushing myself. After Saturdays aam I needed to feel the burn if you know what I mean so that I could settle down on the diet again for the week til the next aam day. If I didnt do the exercise I think I might eat again on a Sunday which would be a total disaster. Its the exercise that gets me back on track. It works too. Am still in ketosis with yucky breath this morning. Totally worth the aching feet!

I lost 4lbs this week!!! It was nearly 5. THe weighing scales showed me at 15st 2.5lbs for one weigh in and then settled at exactly 15st 3lbs for the rest. I weigh myself several times cos the scales shows different weights depending on the evenness of the floor and whether its facing magnetic north or not so I have to wait til I get two or three agreeing wis. I am delighted with 4lbs!! Well who wouldnt be. I'll be in the 14s next week!!! I hope. That would be amazing.

That motivates me to get out in the sunshine but I can't. I have to work long hours every day this week so I'll be couped up behind my desk. I might go to the pool first thing - like at 6.30am if I can get out of the bed.


Just realised my car will be clamped cos I didnt update the ticket. Gotta go.

Belle

 

[steeleee]

Well done!! 4lbs is fab! I'm hoping to lose 5lbs this week, so that I can lose the last 2lbs of the 7 that I put on, and another 3 to get me over the 3st mark Ooooops, hope your car didnt get clamped!!

 

[Bellerine]

Hi Steelee, Nope, I was lucky. I was two whole hours over the ticket time!!. Totally forgot about it. Anyhoo am now 20 miles towards home and have stopped for my lunch bar. Big coffee and bar. Yum. Happy happy day.

Your weight loss goals are totally reasonable and you will do it. I have become a little obsessed with this diet and minimins to the detriment of my work which I must focus on for the rest of the week. Its hard to study/work when all you think about is pounds and weeks and weigh ins and when will I be.......

Belle

 

[Bellerine]

Hi there Ladygaga. Thanks for lovely message. I simply cannot believe the way the ticker is moving. Now its not that noticeable to others - I am still in size 20 - was in 22 with the occasional size 24 top. Still wearing all black. But I feel the loss in my body in a pronounced way. My hips arent half as painful and I am breathing much easier. I am delighted with the results. It seems so quick!

You are doing really well yourself. Love your music. In your videos you don't look like you need to lose weight!
Belle

 

[Bellerine]

Went to the pool for a 40 mins swim last night and the lanes were full so I joined in an "Oldish-Lady-Easy-Style" Aqua Aerobics Class. Thought it would be a doddle. For the first 10 mins I laughed at the ridiculously easy routines. Then...... well..... lets just say I need to work on my arm muscles.....but not for a few days....til the pain goes away... Ouch!

Scales still at 15st 3lbs exactly this morning. I KNOW I shouldnt weigh myself every day but its fun. I want to be 14st 13lbs by next Monday morning.

I think I am working out what keeps a person on the diet. What makes longer term weight loss possible. Its a form of greed. I greedily want to lose 4lbs this week. The need to achieve that goal is kinda eating me up. I will obsess over it all week....imagine getting on the scales and seeing the new weight and getting closer closer closer. It becomes a type of obsession. And it is FUN. Now I NEVER said that about a diet before. This diet is FUN - for two reasons. One there is no pain cos of Ketosis. No physical cravings or wants as long as I drink the water quota daily. THe second reason is that the losses are so big each week. That makes it exciting.

Now I know that in the future there will be weeks where I sts and theres already been 10 days on this diet when the scales didnt move but if I have achieved a good loss by the timethe losses slow I think I will be able to shoulder it. For now I am revelling in good losses ..and it feels GREAT!

Belle

 

[slimsarah]

Haha it's definitely greed!!! I love seeing those numbers drop especially when it's into a new stone bracket! I cannot wait to see the 14's but one thing I'm striving for is the 13's. I look good in the 13's. I'm currently 15.11. I hate being at the top end of a stone, first wi tomorrow morning so hoping to see a 15.6 xxx

 

[Bellerine]

Hi Slimsarah, YOU are doing amazingly well. Its weird, right, to find it harder to diet when you're at the top end of a stone bracket? Bizarre but true. Me too.

I'm having a tough day today. TOTM due any minute and my head is all over the place. Really really bad day at work. Lost invoices and bank statements and had to spend HOURS loooking for them and the accounts are due like yesterday. Ah the joys of having your own business. NOT.

Anyhow I had a full blown anxiety attack and had an AAM today as a result. Went to Aldi and got some cooked meats (300 gms low cal low carb) and ate them from the packet. So Classy me. They kinda did the trick. But it is currently 20 to six and I have had all I can have today and I want to cry buckets. Think I should just go sit in the sun with a cup of tea (like Darcy's builders do!!!)

Also my face is falling in. All the puffiness is disappearing and being replaced by very old looking wrinkles that are NOT nice. Didnt have wrinkles before. Bad Bad day.

Belle

p.s. so far today Ive had one teeny glass of water. Cant hack it at all today. Falling apart at the seams.....

 

[Bellerine]

Ok, so this is shy I keep this diary. So I can vent and then resolve a problem. So I feel like crying - do what all cheap shrinks would have you do - push it down , way down and dont let that feeling back up again!! Ignore it it will go away!!!

Re: Accounts: Just shut up and do them for gods sake. It wont be that bad and wont take that long. I know there are misery, utter total misery to do but you will feel a sense of accomplishment once they are complete - so stop flustering around and get on with it. Midnight is only six hours away and you would like to have them done by then.

Re: TOTM: it will come when it comes. No point being angry about the emotions that precede it. No point being emotional at all. Counterproductive.

RE: Diet: Stick to the goddam plan cos you will hate yourself in 12 hours time, (when you wake up at 6 to review the accounts), if you break it. The fizz will be gone. So drink that water and go on, you can have an extra soup before bed to shut you up.

So thats a plan. Now just get on with it.

Belle