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Grrr! don't want to cave on this rubbish day

#1
I posted this in my blog... but don't think people read blogs. I need some encouraging words to make me stick to SW today!


I am having a sh!t day.:cry:

On days like this I would just eat loads and loads of bad food. I don't want to. so Not I feel like a psycho because I'm literally arguing with myself in my head over it.

I was referred to an occupational health doctor by my HR because I've been having a tough time lately.

I am really shocked. I don't know what I was expecting, but the doctor seemed like a right b!tch.... I was really suprised to hear her say things like...
"Just quit then!"
"You need to grow up"

As i said, I didn't know what to expect before the appointment...but I am a little shell shocked and sitting here in tears in my desk.

So embarrassing cos I am the only woman in a team of 20 guys and this is mortifying.:sigh:

I'm now scared of what the OH doctor will put in her report and send to HR. Will she tell them to sack me? Dunno what to do!:confused:


She asked if there were other things in my life affecting my mental health. I said how I'd been overweight since I remember and sometimes It really affects me.

Later on in the appointment she said...
"Well, you've hated being over weight so so long and you've never done anything about it."
To which i responded "I HAVE! I have joined slimming world!"

She smirked, kind of laughed and said "well.. bit late for that now don't you think"

I can't believe it. I feel so attacked.:tear_drop:
 
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Beegee

The Big One
#2
Goodness you poor thing, how shocking. If HR referred you to this doctor I would suggest you log an immediate complaint with them about their lack of support and their diabolical bedside manner which doesn't help when you're already feeling vulnerable. I would certainly let your feelings be known before any report is produced, but surely whatever is written in it can't lead to them sacking you?! At least if you say your piece to HR it may make you feel a bit better. Hugs x
 
#3
First of all put in a complaint , is she your company Dr or a prcatice Dr

Then make an effigy of her and stick pins in it ! ...Shes not much of a Dr if she thinks it is ever too late to tackle a weight problem tbh ........that means therefore you know more then she does :)

Do you have a union btw
 

Tinytootz

Mini crazy cat lady
#4
She sounds like a total cow!

Try your hardest to resist the naughty treats, and substitute them with SW friendly ones if possible. Or you could always make a bargain with yourself, and choose to use your daily syns on a treat, to perk you up :)

You've done well so far, would be a shame to spoil it over a s**t day, which will be over soon, and hopefully a brighter and sunnier day will greet you tomorrow!

Chin up, try and look forward with a positive outlook. You can deal with whatever she says in her report when (and if) the matter arises. No need to worry about something that might not even happen yet :)

You could always focus your attention on making a voodoo doll of your doctor :D
 
#5
Log an immediate complaint, this woman doesnt sound like she can help you at all and its disgusting she should be allowed to speak to people like that!!

I once went to a doctor about going back on the pill. He was HORRIBLE. He weighed me (this is before slimming world..before i even got pregnant) and went "13 stone? You definatly need to go on a diet. Woman should NEVER be above a size 8". I walked straight out and logged a complaint and got an apology back from the surgery. He was about 70 and clearly "old school"!!!

HR CANNOT sack you for anything to do with your mental health. Be proud of yourself, your taking steps to get better and there are thousands of ppl out there who havent quite yet reached that level of bravery to do that.

Either use flexi sins today and treat yourself, or just continue eating well then tonight have something yummy like a curly wurly dipped in a option hot choccie or something to perk yourself up.

Chin up luv, unfortunatly we all have to come across nasty people like that. Its just a shame this is one who was meant to be helping you! No doctor should ever say anything like that to anyone...hold your head up high and know that she is in the wrong, not you xxxx
 

wenchie

Silver Member
#6
How utterly horrible. Definitely log a formal complaint - she has no right at all to bully you like that. If it's difficult for you to do (I know I would find it hard) why not maybe write an email and post it on here so people can give it a supportive once over before you send it to HR.

She can't tell them to sack you, she can only give a factual report; but if you're worried about your job then maybe drop an email to your local citizens advice, or your union (if you have one that you can join). You deserve support - in fact you deserve extra now this moo has bullied you in what should have been at least a professional and fair appointment.

If you want to food self-soothe, then do - that's what syns (and even flexi syns) are there for just know what you're having so you're still in control of the food, not the other way around. Prove the daft b***h wrong, it's not too late.
 
#7
Help !!! What is HR please and OH both used in this thread. I want to help but I am sorry this is one old crone who doesn't understand the initials.

Whatever the initials stand for she sounds as if she should not be in practice.
 
#8
fillymum said:
Help !!! What is HR please and OH both used in this thread. I want to help but I am sorry this is one old crone who doesn't understand the initials.

Whatever the initials stand for she sounds as if she should not be in practice.
Hiya HR is Human Resources and OH is Occupational Health
 
#9
Help !!! What is HR please and OH both used in this thread. I want to help but I am sorry this is one old crone who doesn't understand the initials.

Whatever the initials stand for she sounds as if she should not be in practice.
HR = Human Resources (used to be called Personnel)
OH = Occupational Health.

I'm glad I wasn't treated like that at my OH appointment. My organisation has been really supportive, I've now been off on sick leave for over a year and have to go for another OH appointment soon.

I think they are going to consider medical retirement (at least I hope that's what they have in mind) I only have just over a year before I can officially get my work pension (I'm almost 59).

Denise

Denise
 
#10
Log a complaint! Immediately! What an old cow!

There is no way, no how she or anyone else has the right to speak to anyone like that or make anyone feel how you do now.

You are doing the right thing, you have joined SW and it's not for her to judge where that should come in your journey.

I too work in a male-dominated environment, so know how that can feel.

Regarding the comfort eating, then you will do what you will do regardless. But maybe think of it another way, if you do go off track and have a little binge, who will you be hurting more? You or her? Stay on track, have something angelic, and use it to poke her in the eye!

Definitely report her though, whilst it's all fresh in your mind. She's utterly unprofessional.
 
#11
Hiya Hun, sorry for the awful experience you've had. I would defiantly complain.

Is your OH attached to your HR or is it independent to your company? Ours is CAPITA and I think we can complain to our HR as well as the company CAPITA

As a manger who has used OH for my staff, the purpose is to give recommedations on how to help you not a tool to sack you.

This 'doctor' (and I use the word very loosely) can not say that you should be sacked. Her report may suggest adjustments to your role to help you, ie reduce your work load if its work stress related.

If I was you, I'd make an appointment with your own GP, explain your situation and see if he/she can give any recommendations in writing.

I think you maybe also within your rights to request a second opinion, however I am not 100% sure and I would guess you need to log a complaint first.

Please try to not let this cow of a doctor get to you. You're clearly a very brave person and a better person that the doctor.

I think its a great idea to draft an email and post it. I
I'll gladly have a look for you and I'm sure others will too.

Chin up hun x x
 
#12
Hiya HR is Human Resources and OH is Occupational Health
Thank you.

I think you should definitely take it to someone in a highre authority. Who knows what further, lasting damage she could do.
 
#13
Thanks everyone for all your responses. I am still a bit shaken. Though I made a good lunch decision and had my usual baked potatoe with beans! lol

I was thinking of sending this email to the HR person who referred me in the first place:

Dear <HR Person>
I had my appointment with Dr <WhatsHerFace> this morning.

I’m not familiar with OH and wasn’t at all sure what to expect from the meeting.

However, to be honest with you, I feel attacked and belittled. I did not expect to be told to “grow up” and “quit your job” and that my mother should not have to rely on me. I understand that OH referrals must be part of your process but I was already feeling vulnerable and emotional and this has not helped in any way.

Dr. <WhatsHerFace> requested that I make another appointment to see her in six weeks which I have done, but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with her and not sure how to proceed.

I hope this email is not inappropriate, but I just wanted to be open and honest.

Regards,
<Me>

What do you guys think?
 
#14
Thanks everyone for all your responses. I am still a bit shaken. Though I made a good lunch decision and had my usual baked potatoe with beans! lol

I was thinking of sending this email to the HR person who referred me in the first place:
Dear <HR Person>
I had my appointment with Dr <WhatsHerFace> this morning.

I’m not familiar with OH and wasn’t at all sure what to expect from the meeting.

However, to be honest with you, I feel attacked and belittled. I did not expect to be told to “grow up” and “quit your job” and that my mother should not have to rely on me. I understand that OH referrals must be part of your process but I was already feeling vulnerable and emotional and this has not helped in any way.

Dr. <WhatsHerFace> requested that I make another appointment to see her in six weeks which I have done, but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with her and not sure how to proceed.

I hope this email is not inappropriate, but I just wanted to be open and honest.

Regards,
<Me>

What do you guys think?
Hiya I think your email is very good.

The only thing I would add is at the begining of the 3rd paragraph I would say something along the line


I felt the Doctor was not empathic nor understanding of my situation, especially when I was told to 'grow up', 'quit your job' and that my mother should not have to rely on me. The meeting has left me feeling attacked and belittled .......................

Hope this is some help x
 

Devon Dolce

1lb at a time!
#15
Thanks everyone for all your responses. I am still a bit shaken. Though I made a good lunch decision and had my usual baked potatoe with beans! lol

I was thinking of sending this email to the HR person who referred me in the first place:

Dear <HR Person>
I had my appointment with Dr <WhatsHerFace> this morning.

I’m not familiar with OH and wasn’t at all sure what to expect from the meeting.

However, to be honest with you, I feel attacked and belittled. I did not expect to be told to “grow up” and “quit your job” and that my mother should not have to rely on me. I understand that OH referrals must be part of your process but I was already feeling vulnerable and emotional and this has not helped in any way.

Dr. <WhatsHerFace> requested that I make another appointment to see her in six weeks which I have done, but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with her and not sure how to proceed.

I hope this email is not inappropriate, but I just wanted to be open and honest.

Regards,
<Me>

What do you guys think?
Hun, I'm sorry you've had such a tough day but glad you've written the above email - I agree with the above post ^^^ but I would be inclined to remove the line about 'being inappropriate..' - it almost sounds as though you're apologising for bothering HR with your complaint and you certainly shouldn't be the one apologising - let us know how it goes xxx
 
#16
Thanks everyone for all your responses. I am still a bit shaken. Though I made a good lunch decision and had my usual baked potatoe with beans! lol

I was thinking of sending this email to the HR person who referred me in the first place:
Dear <HR Person>
I had my appointment with Dr <WhatsHerFace> this morning.

I’m not familiar with OH and wasn’t at all sure what to expect from the meeting.

However, to be honest with you, I feel attacked and belittled. I did not expect to be told to “grow up” and “quit your job” and that my mother should not have to rely on me. I understand that OH referrals must be part of your process but I was already feeling vulnerable and emotional and this has not helped in any way.

Dr. <WhatsHerFace> requested that I make another appointment to see her in six weeks which I have done, but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with her and not sure how to proceed.

As an aside, Maximus, a well-respected and learned Mini-mins member would like to know if there's any truth in the rumour that Dr Whatsherface (strange name) was turned down by the gestapo for for being too evil.

I hope this email is not inappropriate, but I just wanted to be open and honest.

Regards,
<Me>

What do you guys think?
I would add the extra paragraph before sending it.

She sounds like a right charmer! - is she single?;)
 
#17
Hiya I think your email is very good.

The only thing I would add is at the begining of the 3rd paragraph I would say something along the line


I felt the Doctor was not empathic nor understanding of my situation, especially when I was told to 'grow up', 'quit your job' and that my mother should not have to rely on me. The meeting has left me feeling attacked and belittled .......................

Hope this is some help x

Excellent !!!
 
#18
I would say in the email that you refuse to see her again and you are formally requesting to be referred to another doctor.

As far as breaking the diet, this b**** has given you the perfect tool for weight loss. Every time you feel like cheating , picture her face and how good it would feel walking into her office when you are at target, get right in her face and laughing ...... very loudly!!!!!

Go on, you can do it and you are SO much better than her xxxxxx
 
#19
I would say in the email that you refuse to see her again and you are formally requesting to be referred to another doctor.

As far as breaking the diet, this b**** has given you the perfect tool for weight loss. Every time you feel like cheating , picture her face and how good it would feel walking into her office when you are at target, get right in her face and laughing ...... very loudly!!!!!

Go on, you can do it and you are SO much better than her xxxxxx
Very VERY well said!!!!! Chin up chick (((hugs))) xx
 
#20
Thanks everyone.
I sent the email. Eek!

A few hours later I got a call from HR wanting me to explain a bit more. I was in a right state on the phone to her. She also asked if I got upset when in with the doctor. uuuuh yeah... I was in tears within about 2 minutes of sitting down in her office... yet she still continued to berate me.

HR didn't said much other than "ok, sorry you feel that way and that you don't feel it was at all helpful. I will be meeting with Dr Whatsherface tomorrow for our normal weekly meeting and i will discuss with her and get her point of view".

I'm sure the doctor doesn't think anything was wrong. and I did say that in my current state of mind I get upset easily...but still... I was genuinely offended by some of the stuff she said.

HR said they'd get in touch after they've seen her. So now I just have to wait and see what happens now.
 
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