X~Libby~X
Full Member
Well I have had possibly the worst week to date. I have lapsed...and not just once. After 16 weeks of 100% abstinence I have had a slip. I have had a major revelation though. I have worked out why I put on nearly 4 stone in the first 2 years of being with my OH. Before I knew him, I used to self harm all the time. It was my coping mechanism so when life reached that certain level of stressfulness, that is what I would do. When I met my OH, I couldn't do it as it upset him so much so I started to eat at those times when I would have hurt myself. In solving one problem, I created another. I had wondered why I had found LL so easy so far but now I realize that it is because nothing had happened to get me to that point. Well this week everything happened at once. For 3 days I was battling with myself. I couldn't harm myself as I would never go back there and I am not that person anymore and I couldn't eat. I stopped sleeping and just generally couldn't function properly. Now i know that this probably reads like an extensive list of justifications to make myself feel better but trust me I do not feel better. I am hopefully going to either go early to my meeting or stay later to have a much needed arse kicking and talk with my LLC. I am dreading to see the weight gain this week. as I have also lapsed today and have WI on tuesday so the chance of me getting back into ketosis by then is quite slim. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think I need to do some serious off loading. I feel I should prewarn my LLC of what is coming her way...there will be tears!
ANY advice or arse kickings would be muchly appreciated.
Libby
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ANY advice or arse kickings would be muchly appreciated.
Libby
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