Hello, I'm new

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by bumblefluff, 13 February 2010 Social URL.

  1. bumblefluff

    bumblefluff New Member

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    Helloooo, This is a bit long but....

    I've lost a bit of weight before and mostly managed to keep it off, at my biggest I was 15.7 stone and a size 22. I've managed to stay around 11.7 stone although I have gone down to 10.7 before but for my height (5ft2) it's still not a healthy weight and I guess because I lost a load of weight before I thought I'd sort of done my bit and forgot I needed to do more!

    But I've realised recently I have immense issues with food- I panic if I don't have anything in the house that's like a sweet treat, I realised this last night when I felt this overwhelming urge to leave the house in search of sweet things, despite having a young daughter at home! I opened a kitchen cupboard however and saw some chocolate bars and I literally felt a sense of relief as if aaahh it's all ok, I've got some.... I'm a bloody addict!

    I'm going to try lipotrim tomorrow, I did go on it before using mostly the maintenance products and lost about a stone but didnt want to continue at the time and just did the rest with exercise and diet but I'm a bit sick of feeling like I'll probably always be a bit chubby, I was more overweight than I am now and I havent gone completely back there so it can be done! If I don't get on with LT I might just stay on here to keep my motivation up using diet and exercise and attempting to break my food addictions.

    I did read a bit of paul mckenna's I can make you thin book but only really read to the 'you can eat what you want' bit and now I feel on a bit of a downward spiral! I keep buying in choc and scoffing it and if I dont have any in, I feel sad, deprived and as if life is pointless somehow even though realistically I can see that it is silly to feel that way.

    I had to have some emergency abdominal surgery in the summer due to a botched routine gallbladder removal (thank you nhs for the lovely huge scar across my tum!) and lost about a stone due to being unable to eat and vomiting and was not able to eat properly for a while after (and put all the weight back on) and due to not being able to eat what I wanted I felt like I had had an arm cut off. I seek comfort in food, I eat when I'm sad, I reward myself with food, I equate my personal wealth with being able to buy whatever food I want and if I do not have much money at the time I feel downright miserable. I like to enjoy food in secret and I don't want to pass these bad habits onto my daughter I work hard to make sure she eats healthily and I control her diet strictly but do not seem to be able to extend the same to myself.

    I can't go on like this! any support or help appreciated!

    bum



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    Last edited: 13 February 2010
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  3. CalicoSoneji

    CalicoSoneji Full Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Hi! Welcome to the forum
    I think it's good that you've already got down to earth with your issues with food - and you sound pretty motivated.
    I think you'll do great in whatever route you choose =)
     
  4. Mumma K

    Mumma K Gold Member

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    Hi Bum, firstly can I say don't be so hard on yourself you have done very well in losing the weight you have so far so take a step back and congratulate yourself on that.
    If you feel like you have to have a sweet treat in the house then do for a while but try to say to yourself I have it here, but i'll just go and see to this or see to that before i have it and keep moving the goal posts so it gets further and further away but your still safe in the knowledge its there if you absolutely have to have it.
    You have to take things one step at a time, but give yourself a break don't beat yourself up over it
    from what your discribing your food issues run pretty deep and i'm not sure that a VLCD is the right way to go have you discussed any of this with a doctor I think you should there is help available but I don't think just diet alone is going to help you with the issues that you are talking about
     
  5. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    Hi and welcome. Might be worth having a chat to your doctor before deciding on a diet.

    Irene xx
     
  6. bumblefluff

    bumblefluff New Member

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    Thanks for your messages and support.

    This is the first time I've written out loud how I feel about food and it's been quite emotional for me since I kind of had these revelations the other day.


    You are right, Lipotrim isnt going to work for me, nothing really will except maybe cbt, as my thoughts about food and what I use and associate it with are so ingrained in me that no diet is going to crack it! I need a lifestyle overhaul and to change my thinking about food because I'm not massively overweight compared to before I'm stuck in a cycle of food reward and punishment so I'm going to see my gp to see if they can refer me for diet counselling if there is such a thing. Although I know healthy food is good for you and what your body needs, I associate junk food with happy feelings so I feel that is what I want if I feel I deserve a treat or need to be consoled.



    Since I realised I am a food addict I have been trying to get to the emotional issues at the bottom of it all and I found that when I was a child my parents went out and left me from quite a young age while they went out at night, I did have an older brother but he was never in and I would sneak out anyway. I would walk the streets to find a shop to buy junk food. I was never fat as a child I only put on a lot of weight through post natal depression and medication after my daughter was born. But from a young age- 7 or 8 I used to shoplift sweets and chocolate and although when I got caught I never stole from a shop again I did used to steal food from people's houses and sometimes other things- a kleptomaniac. I had a secret stash where I used to hide all my wrappers, my mum found them once and went mad as I think she thought I was shop lifting again.

    I used to take money out of my mums bank account and go to asda and just wander round buying junk food at night as a young teenager and they never even noticed. It's funny now as I can see I was neglected and just wanted someone to love and me and show me that I was worth something but I never got it so I used chocolate, sweets, crisps, treats of any sort to be a constant presence in my life and the times I was neglected and left on my own wasn't a bad thing because I used the time to go and get my illicit treats and enjoy them on my own so I suppose I was doing it to make myself feel better about being left alone.

    Although as a child it is a parents job to look after and care for you, I didnt get enough of it to make me feel secure and sought security and love in something I could easily get my hands on- junk food/ sugar/salt. Now it is difficult as I cannot continually blame my mother even though you could say she was neglectful but I'm an adult now so I take responsibility for where I find myself and I'll admit I'm in a bit of a pickle! I can see looking back I used sweets to get me through, there is a kind of desperation and satisfaction wrapped up in them for me and I can see like a kid I just want to be loved. And I want to love myself too... which I obviously don't at the moment.


    Thanks for all your suggestions, I didnt realise it was as bad as it is until I saw it written down!
     
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