Help! I'm really struggling!

[noodles1609]

I'm having a really tough time. I just can't stop eating. It's all on plan but way too many calories. The worst thing is, I know what I'm doing, I can hear Dr Beck talking to me every time I reach for something but my rebellious child is completely out of control and I just keep eating. I know it's an emotional response, I know I don't need it, I feel shocking when I've eaten it, but I still can't stop.

I can hide all this in whatever way I want - perfect time to slow down the losses so my body can catch up, could do with a break, boredom, close to goal, whatever you want to call it - but it's just not true. I think there is a link with receiving compliments, I've had so many of them recently and it's not something I'm used to or comfortable with - that's not to say it's not amazing to receive them, but it feels odd having people say such lovely things to me. I've also started to get people telling me I don't need to lose any more weight - not that it's got anything to do with anybody other than me at all, but I'm not yet into a size 14 and I'm still in the obese bmi category, so clearly I do still need to lose more.

I'm kind of at a loss of how to get that control back again. Never thought this would be an easy journey and this year so far has been a real test of emotions - but I know all that and can't hide behind those excuses anymore - I need some assistance - or some superglue for my mouth

 

[DarcyO]

You said it yourself hunny 'excuses'
You have done amazing so far, a bit of an inspiration actually.
No one can force you into doing it - but you have come this far successfully!!

Ps I recommend e6000 glue!! Xxx

 

[Lulu1964]

Aww huni, sorry to hear that you are struggling... I think it is hard when you have been on it for so long and you are just so tired of it all...

so firstly I guess you need to work out why you are trying to sabotage yourself. Is it because you are getting the attention that you are not comfortable with? I suspect that attention that you have had from people before when you were big was more frightening and that is why you feel weird about it now... Maybe you subconciously think that if you eat then the attention will go away?

however, you deserve this attention and the compliments you are getting now... This is good attention. A payment for all your hard work. I'm not sure if its your rebellious child or the scared little girl inside you that just wants to go and hide... Maybe you just need to tell her that its ok..

dont listen to anyone who says that you don't need to lose more weight... If you feel you do, then carry on. It's no one's business but yours how much you lose. (My mother in law does this to me every single diet when I usually still have about 2 stone to go!) but perhaps also subconciously you are listening to them and hoping that they are right so that you don't have to do this anymore...

as to getting back on plan, that is up to you. If I were you I would just take a day at a time. Say to yourself that today you will be 100%... No cheating, even if it is within the plan, just for today... Then tomorrow you can do the same... The more you do I think the easier it will be, you just need to get your headspace right again...

Someone in off topics gave a link to an online diary where you can cross off the days... Maybe you should do one. A star if you like for every time you do a day, and trust me if you can't give yourself the star it might stop you wanting to cheat (it did me the other day, I didn't want to break my 32 day run lol) perhaps after a week you can reward yourself with something (non edible of course!)

last of all, you ARE an inspiration to the people on this forum... I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, but we are all human, we will probably all go through this at one stage or other. Keep going. ((((Noodles)))) xx

 

[noodles1609]

Thanks so much both of you. I'm really not good at asking for help, so just posting that this morning was hard, but had an incredibly theraputic effect. And Lulu - thank you, you have completely hit the nail on the head - I'm scared of coming out of my hiding place, behind the fat, I've hidden there for so long that it's way out of my comfort zone. But, I do want to do this, I need to do this, and I will do this, for so many different reasons.

I have a card at home in my kitchen, it says "Just when the catapillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" - I think that's probably quite apt!

Thanks again both of you, you've really helped me refocus today

 

[Ruby Shoes]

glad to see you're feeling better noodles! its really hard getting yourself into the right headspace sometimes.

its wierd how much we dislike being this size and yet still oddly comforted by being the same. you'll be a butterfly in no time

 

[kjs1628]

Will echo the inspiration comments- in fact it is because of you, and you alone, that I am currently reading the marvellous Dr Beck. You are always so positive, always so assuring and always so kind. Give some of all that to yourself too - this is a short blip. You can and will get back on track. You are a beautiful person and deserve to be as gorgeous as possible on the outside too!!

if needs be, come off for a week. Eat loads of crap. Sit back and listen to how much your body hates it and recognise that actually you now like the plan, and it likes you. I give it a week before you are back on 100% and glad to be here too.

Stay strong lady! Xx

 

[sheepy19]

Noodles, you're my greatest inspiration on here. You've done so well! I guess try and keep that in mind and think of how great you're looking Wish I could say more

 

[noodles1609]

:cry: < happy tears though. Thank you so so much everyone. You made me cry. But guess what, it's half 7 and I've still got 2 packs to go with NO CHEATS today. I'm writing out mini goals for my fridge, and I'm feeling a lot less frazzled about stuff and I'm smiling again. Had a crappy day at work too, found out today that going the extra mile just means you wear your shoes out quicker - but still, I'm good, I'm not tempted to munch.

And the cheese went in the bin when I got home

 

[kjs1628]

Who needs cheese??? (I've got two small goats cheeses in y fridge and I swear they shout me every time I open it!).

well done for today. X

 

[Lulu1964]

Yay well done noodles! And here's to tomorrow being just as successful

i LOVE that butterfly quote... I might have to steal that! And I bet you will be a beautiful butterfly too... Xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Hi noodles. I can really identify. I seem to get to a certain point, not quite at goal, and then start cheating. I've not been too bad this time but the temptation is starting... The noisy voice and justifications in my head... It just felt/feels so weird being slim. Brilliant, empowering, but weird. I was obese for so many years. Sometimes it's hard to believe that being size 10 to 12 really is me - and this is two years on since I reached goal. Sometimes it would be much easier to go back to being overweight. Safe, somehow.

Also changing your size changes something fundamental about how people relate to you. I know it 'shouldn't'. People 'should' just see the real you inside, but they don't. And going from being the 'fat' one to being one of the 'slim' ones throws things out of balance quite dramatically and can take some getting used to.

I'm rambling, sorry! Just wanted to say you're not alone in finding this a wobbly road at times. The mind is an incredible thing, but sometimes baffling! I want to echo what others have said about you being an inspiration. And well done on getting yourself back on track.

 

[noodles1609]

I can't tell you what that means to know that I'm not alone. I've said before, and it really is true, that I've always felt like I'm a huge person, and I just grew physically into how I felt I was in my head, so probably my whole life I've been overweight in my head. So now I am starting to feel like this is actually possible, I have to relearn who am I - no wonder I'm a bit scared! And something else - I've always always wanted to help others, never dare dream that I could inspire others with my actions, never felt it was possible to be a good example to others - and now I am. I'm achieving my fat girl dreams, I'm actually starting to live the life I wanted to live.

It's overwhelming, but in a very lovely way.

Thank you everyone, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words

 

[kjs1628]

Sneaking on here for some reassuring words to keep me on track (noodles sorry for the hijack). I've put on this week, and really don't know why. Only 1.2lbs but so gutted.

any words of wisdom for me? May struggle to stay away from that goat's cheese today!xx

 

[Lulu1964]

Aww kj, that sucks, I'm sorry huni.

are you doing four packs or 3 and a meal? Have you deviated from plan at all? if so, try sticking 100% to plan for a week....

If you haven't deviated, i think firstly I would check that if you are eating/drinking anything at all that isn't S&S (ie veg/milk etc) that you are properly checking the weights of everything that you are putting into your mouth.. It is so easy after a while to guesstimate how much broccoli is 200g or how much milk is 150ml etc and actually be way off... So weigh and measure absolutely everything this week...

Are you drinking enough water? Try upping it this week if you can...

Is it TOTM? That can affect some people too..

but even if none of the above apply, the important thing is that it is a blip... Don't give up no matter what you do... I'm sure that next week you will have a great loss xx

 

[Spanglymum]

I have this problem too, kjs. STS last week and then this week lost 2lb but stepped on the scales this morning because I was "feeling fat" and yes, 2lb back on again. I think it's (a) water retention pre-TOTM and also may be because I've really stepped up my exercise lately and I think it's surprised my body. I'm finding it very difficult not to use it as an excuse to binge though . I keep telling myself that would be completely illogical, but part of me is simply shouting "sod it!!!" in my head.

I did, however, manage to motivate myself to go to Zumba last night, which was better than staying in feeling grumpy. Just sick of feeling so bloated!!