Help me stop feeling like such a failure :'(

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by chloecat, 9 June 2011 Social URL.

  1. chloecat

    chloecat Full Member

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    Haven't been here for a week. The last week has been appalling. I suffer from depression and it tends to come in waves. Had a major mood swing this week and felt very low, and totally lost all focus on my weight loss. I comfort ate like crazy and spent a lot of my spare time in bed. And you name it, I ate it. Cakes, chocolate, takeaways, white crusty bread and butter. Absolutely horrendous :(

    Hardly suprising that at weigh in tonight I had put on 4.5lb's :( :( :( I'd emailed my consultant during the week and told her I had gone off the rails, and she came up after group to check I was ok. My total disappointment in myself meant I was so low and I ended up crying. She was lovely, told me to draw a line under it and commended me for not wimping out of the weigh in. She told me to wake up fresh tomorrow and get back into it.

    She is right and I do want to put the last week behind me. Problem is that I feel such a failure. I've let myself down and been so stupid, thinking chocolate will somehow make me feel better. I'm supposed to be an intelligent, independent woman and yet can't control what I stick in my own mouth, despite knowing how unhappy my weight makes me.

    Sorry for the ramble guys, would just appreciate any words of comfort/advice to help me shake off the feelings of guilt and failure that are weighing me down. I feel incredibly useless right now and finding it hard to believe I can get over this and succeed again
     
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  3. Mrs.S.

    Mrs.S. Gold Member

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    Don't worry. These things happen. Move on.

    Remember why you're doing SW in the first place, do a pro's and cons list if you think it might help.

    At the end of your day you're human. Try and work out what your triggers are and work with the facts.

    Honestly don't feel guilty. Get back on it. Guilt won't lose your weight for you. Sticking to plan will!! x
     
  4. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hi Chloecat, What a shame you are going thro' such a bad time at the mo'.
    Being a fellow sufferer of depression I know how easy it is to go down with the blues and do the comfort eating thing, not nice is it? Do, however, take comfort in the fact that you recognise your weakness and try to do something that will take your mind off wanting to go on a binge trip.
    Personally, I find coming on here and trying to help and encourage others a real tonic and it has kept me from wandering into the kitchen on many occasions!

    Hope you will continue onwards to losing the weight as you know you will feel so much better for it.

    Take care and all the very best to you ... :)
     
  5. bouncybikergirl

    bouncybikergirl Full Member

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    are you on any medication for your depression? I have had depression off and on since I was 16. Sometimes it gets so bad I just want it all to end then I have to save myself and go and get anti depressants. If it wasnt for my children sometimes I dont think i would be here. I hide it well, dont want anyone to know how useless and how much of a failure in coping with anything am.
    When Im feeling low all I want to do is self loath and eat like a pig which in its self is a vicious cycle. It offers me no real comfort and like u say were intelligent women we should know better. Its easier to blow your diet -when your under alot of stress even self made stress you know that letting your food control slide wont be the end of the world.
    Start again dont think that this wk will be a waste because your playing catch up. We cant go backwards.
    Good luck and I hope your feeling better soon
    xx
     
  6. chloecat

    chloecat Full Member

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    Yes, I do take medication. Generally it helps, but I get mood swings and every few weeks I tend to get a low period when I feel awful. As you rightly say, it is a vicious circle. Part of my depression is caused by my low self esteem and self hatred, so I eat to comfort myself which makes me feel worse and therefore more depressed! It is so illogical to actually seek out something that ultimately makes you more unhappy. I'll never understand the psychology of comfort eating
     
  7. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Some of it is phsycological but the other is due to the effect of feeding the brain with the stuff that causes highs and THAT's the reason why it becomes addictive!If you can get to a point where you can recognise the thing that starts you off you can then set about switching your thoughts and/or actions so that it doesn't develope into a full blown depression. Perhaps a bit of councilling may help.
     
  8. louisedan

    louisedan Gold Member

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    Start again-you can't afford to look back.You are making it worse by punishing yourself . Start again and maybe this will stop any further relapses.None of us are perfect-we all do it.You will get there and maybe if the binges lessen and your mood evens the craving for sugar highs will lessen.I know its really difficult at the moment but try to look forward and REPEAT to yourself that you believe you can do it.Hope your a little better soon xxx
     
  9. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    You're comfort eating is part of who you are at this moment in time.

    As you lose more weight you'll become more confident in yourself & maybe these bouts of comfort eating will become less & less.

    It's easy for me to say, but try not to worry or feel guilty for comfort eating & just start a fresh. Try & start each day as a new day.

    I think you did amazingly well to go to WI knowing you'd gained, many people would have skipped WI & not faced up to the gain.

    You can do this, just come here when you're in the need of extra support.;)
     
  10. Stepout

    Stepout Full Member

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    As soon as you weigh in that's that week done and over so forget about it
    You've started a brand new week full of exciting possibilities read your books make a plan get some lovely food in and look after yourself you're worth it
    Good luck ?

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
  11. judywoody

    judywoody Full Member

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    I'm a bit the same - I suffer quite badly from SAD and I just can't cope with it unless I can eat lots of fatty food ..

    Last winter I just tried to combine it with lots of healthy stuff but still ate tons of nuts, butter, olive oil...and chocolate!!!

    I only start feeling better in spring and I have to start and undo all the mistakes I've made in winter over the summer. I gained 2.5 stone during the last 9 month...

    Now when I fail I try to look at it from a different perspective...And I have a list of SW friendly foods with which I can stuff myself until I feel bloated (I might still gain weight but it won't be as bad as buying junk food).

    I am also thinking to myself: Ok, I have gone off the rails but I put it on quickly which usually means I can get rid of it quickly, too.

    Have sachets of Cadbury Highlights ready..that usually helps me a bit to get over the chocolate craving.

    Keep your chin up - try and write everything down that depresses you..That helps me, too to feel better. And try and attend the groups as much as possible :)
     
  12. Funky_Munky

    Funky_Munky Put the kettle on

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    I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so good.

    One of the things my leader has up on a board at class says 'Persistence not perfection'. No-one is 100% perfect all of the time. The key to succes isn't never ever having any slip ups, its about how you deal with and manage those slip ups. Look at what happened and try to think if there is anything you could learn for next time - like not having high syn things in, stocking up on low syn 'treats' to have. Then put it to the back of your mind and carry on fresh.
     
  13. chloecat

    chloecat Full Member

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    Thanks for your support and advice everyone, it really means a lot, I've been feeling very low and desperately needed a boost. Over the weekend I've been getting back into the eating plan slowly. My meals have been good but I've still gone a bit overboard on evening snacking - wine last night, and large chocolate bar tonight. But the weekends are my weakest time anyway so hoping that not beating myself up too badly over the snacking will help me really knuckle down properly on monday. I made a meal plan and got in loads of fresh fruit when shopping, and chose 2 brand new recipes out of my sw magazine to try as a way of giving myself a little challenge to focus on and to brighten up my week's meals a bit. I'm also trying to give myself some credit - going to weigh in was tough and I was very tempted to skip it, but I knew I had to face up to the consequences of a week of comfort eating if I was going to shift it again. I find it hard to praise myself, but I should try and acknowledge that this was a good thing for me to do as skipping class would have been the easy option. So hopefully monday I'll be back to 100% commitment and be able to embrace good healthy food again and stop seeking cake and chocolate for comfort. Have also set myself a target to aim for - am going to a party in 4 weeks time so am going to see if I can shift a stone in time for it.
     
  14. Muddle

    Muddle Member

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    Tomorrow is another day and it's never too late to start again, your consultant is right you were right to go to your weigh in because that shows you've accepted you've gone off the rail this week but are more than willing to go back on track this week, if it was me I would start again monday morning fresh and get whatever you want out of your system tomorrow so you've set yourself in the right track for monday.

    I'm battling against my comfort eating myself and I must say it's one of the hardest things Ive done so far, like you I could easily have a big bar of chocolate in a night and then get into that circle of "oh well ive had that now I might as well have .... etc" I find the easiest way for me not to go that far again is to simply not have the food I'm craving in the house. It's driven me mad today wanting chocolate, I'm craving it to the extend I fell asleep earlier and I was dreaming about it :eek: I'm trying to stick by the rule that after 3 days of a craving your body gives up wanting it so I'm praying it's true because I'm finding this so hard right now!

    You've got hundreds of people on board here and I bet well over half are feeling like you are right now so please don't ever feel like you're alone because you're not at all.
     
  15. dreamslim

    dreamslim Silver Member

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    This thread brought a tear to my eye, partly because I know exactly how you feel. I don't suffer from depression per say but I do get, as my doctor describes it, depressive phases so although I don't know what it's like to live with day to day I can fully understand what it feels like to be so low that comfort food and staying in bed is all you can manage.

    One trick I started when I felt down was, when I wanted a snack, I'd go for a walk that way you're away from the fridge so aren't tempted to snack and also the moderate exercise helps endorphins, again, I know sometimes it's tough to even get out of bed but I would tell myself I was going out to get a snack (which somehow worked) but would then walk until I didn't crave rubbish anymore.
    I rejoined slimming world in the last week of March and lost 10lbs in 5 weeks and was so proud but then came my exam period and, along with that, the stress. I don't know what it is but I just binge eat on crap when I'm stressed like this and spent 3 weeks totally off plan. I kept weighing in though and over that 3 weeks gained 7lbs.
    It's quite hard now thinking that for another 3 weeks I'm chasing the gain but this site really has been a lifeline, I joined it 2 weeks ago after my last gain and it has motivated me to keep on plan, given me ideas and even been there with suggestions when I can't stay on plan (ie, out later than normal so miss tea, suggestions with what to eat while out and about)
    The best advice is to try to forget the last week, easier said than done, I know, but to write a menu for the following week which I find makes me feel better, when I plan I KNOW what syns I'm using and even thinking things like 'I'll only be using 75 syns this week' already makes me feel like I've lost weight :)
    Hope some of this helps - take every step one day at a time!
    Xx
     
  16. chloecat

    chloecat Full Member

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    Thanks Dreamslim, I'm sorry you too know how it feels to have periods of low mood, but likewise it is comforting to know people understand. It can be such a vicious circle, eating to feel better and then feeling worse because of the eating. I am indeed trying to put last week behind me, accept I went badly off the rails but also tell myself it was good to go to weigh in and not kid myself that no damage was done. I've been good today, have my dinner and a big bowl of mixed fruit and yoghurt for evening snack. Gave me a boost to see I can do it, am really hoping my motivation is kicking in properly now. I feel much more positive about getting into it again. It's hard to just draw a line under so much comfort eating, it is easy to just brood on it and feel guilty. But I also know that staying like this will just drive me to more comfort eating, and that the better thing to do is take a deep breath and move on. The support here is so great, it is so nice to get sympathy and support rather than be told off for being silly. One day at a time, and let's hope this thursday sees my weigh in back on track.
     
  17. dreamslim

    dreamslim Silver Member

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    If your wi is thurs and you were on plan today then use that motivation and there is nothing to stop you achieving a sts or even a loss on thurs. Just treat everyday as the start of the plan and write down why you're doing what you're doing and stick it to the fridge. I know they suggest pros and cons but if you're anything like me you'd end up with a list of more negatives than positives. It sounds silly but rather than writing 'to stop feeling fat' or whatever as a reason to follow plan write 'to feel healthier' putting a positive spin on things to try to create a positive association with the plan. That really helped me.
    Xx
     
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