Here is where I am at with a thought record

[joh117]

Well I had a bad weekend with regards food so much so I have decided to go back on the packs until my hols on the 4th Aug.

So since a major binge on sat I woke sunday and I have been back on 4 packs a day. I think I am in Ketosis now as I feel OK and not hungry. I was so angry with myself.

This is my thought record

What happened?
I went to my cousins for a picnic with the kids, I took a healthy salad and there was lots of cake type items from Thomas the bakers and cadbury chocolate fingers etc.... I also had two cheese and tomato rolls.
I ate all these things then later on in the evening when we decided to stay for tea and the kids had fish and chips I had to call in the supermarket (I had drank 1 glass of wine) for some cottage cheese for my salad and I bought 85% cocoa chocolate, bar of white chocolate and 3 freddo frogs for the kids (I ate them all). Everything I ate was in secret

What were my most important thoughts?
Its not fair everyone else can eat all this nice stuff and I cant
I want it
It looks so tasty
Sod it one wont hurt
I've been bad now so I might aswell continue
No one will ever know

How I felt
Desperate
Rebelious
Sly
Tempted
Cheat
Greedy

What I did
I ate all the things I should not have

Evidence for hot thought
I have eaten things before and not put on weight, everyone says I look good even though I have put on a couple of lbs

Evidence against hot thought
I will have consumed well over 3000cals for the day far more than my body needs. I will put on weight as this is why I had 6 st to loose and needed to do LL in the first place.
Secret eating is not the way forward and someone will know I will and it wont be long before others notice if I carry on like this

More realistic thoughts
Chocolate is not a nutritional food and I do not need it. I did not need the sandwiches as I had had a lovely salad. The cakes did smell nice but I do not need them and I would be better having a yogurt or a piece of fruit or even a pack.

How I feel now
I am back in control as I have gone back onto packs for 2 weeks before my holidays to pull me back to where I want to be.

How I might behave now
I will not go in a supermarket after having had a glass of wine or if it is near a meal time. I will not buy chocolate. I need to be more prepared for events making sure there is plenty of food that I can eat so if I do feel hungry I am not stuck with only unhealthy options


Where is my head at? Well I have been having fat thoughts a lot and I have probably gained only a few lbs but I was restricting myself so I could loose a few lbs for my hols so that when I was away I could enjoy the holiday of course eating healthy options where possible (I am a veggie and I really dont see me finding much cottage cheese, quorn or tofu in Marbella) but not having to be so restrictive and be able to enjoy myself and not beat myself up if I have an extra glass of wine.

So I decided to do the packs before I went away otherwise I would be on them as soon as I get back for sure.

I am on week 7 of Management and intend to get back onto the management programme as soon as I return from holiday. I need to discuss with my LLC tonight what the best course of action is. Do I start back on week 7 when I get back? I really dont want to go back to week 1 of management.

I will master this and I guess we all have lapses. I have the willpower to stay abstinent for a month in Sri Lanka I achieved that so I should be able to achieve anything. I am not giving in to the rebelious child who if I get my hands on I will surely strangle LOL

Jo

 

[Mrs Lard]

Dear Jo

I am working from home today so taking regular breaks (ha!) via minimins.

I remember your abstinence in Sri Lanka - AMAZING!

Well done for doing a thought record; do you think it helped? I asked Sez this question - why do we eat in secret? Maybe I should do a separate thread.

Anyway, I noticed that you are veggie and that you are in Management. When you get back from holiday, you might like a book called...Skinny *****. It IS hardcore (totally veggie, well vegan!) but it seems to offer a great springboard post-Foundation, Development, Management.

I wrote about it on my blog because I figure that since LighterLife is hardcore, we can do...challenging!

It will be a goal of mine to eat in this way 80% of the time, IF I can get my head round finishing Development.

I hope you have a lovely holiday and don't beat yourself up. Our LLC drums it into us that lapses are great opportunities to learn.

Good luck.

Take care.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxx

 

[Sez]

Hi Jo,

Oh this record really struck home with me, especially the secret eating. Its the one thing I still have a problem with. I never eat in front of others at the mo, so they cannot comment I guess.

It was a great idea to post your TR here. Ihave recently done the same, and found it very theraputic!

So glad to hear your are truly back on the LL wagon until yr hols. I too am off to Spain 4th August so have little time now to get my head together, but I WILL do it!

All the best, happy hols too!
xx

 

[joh117]

Thanks Mrs Lard

I really found the thought record a good tool and I am going to take it with me tonight.

I hate the secret eating but at least I can admit to it now.

I tell you something I have found I am having to justify what I eat/drink to people and it is really getting on my nerves.

Yesterday I was having a choc shake and everyone was saying I can smell chocolate and I said its my shake.

A guy from work said should you be having that. Erm Yes its a diet shake but even if it wasnt its none of your business.

He also thought I was eating crisps the other week and I was actually eating raw veg.

Why do people feel they can comment on what you eat when you are slim but they never said anything when you were big?????

I dont comment when they are shovelling crisps and cakes and sweets into their mouths as I really have better things to think about.

No wonder it leads me to go back to secret eating. Not a good place to be I know and I really dont want to.

I will have a look at that book and give it a read. Thanks for the tip

Jo

 

[joh117]

Well I had my weigh in last night and I lost a 1lb which I was pleased with. Did not expect not in ketosis though but I cant be far off as I have the funny taste in my mouth and I am not hungry.

I am sticking to 4 packs a day until I fly on the 4th Aug and then going to 2 packs while away with 2 meals (back to where I was in abstinence) then I will return to management when I get back. I plan to swim a lot on holiday so hopefully this will allow me to enjoy myself obviously being careful and in moderation but not having to say no to everything.

I should have built a bit of a buffer zone before I fly anyway

Jo