Hi i`m back again lol

[mrs tweedy]

Hi Roch hun.
Oh what an honest but heartbreaking post, hun you soooo deserve to do this for yourself. I know you can do it. Just think by may you could lose 5 or more stones! (remember when I started I was 30s 10lbs and within 5 months I had lost I think from memory 7.5 stones ish) so you can easily match that how wonderful will that be hun? Just think how your life will change so dramatically, it will completely alter your outlook on life and your ability to participate in life too!
I think it's fab that you are getting a puppy, it will give you something to focus on during the hard moments of your weightloss journey (you know when you start to feel peckish and your chatterbox starts) .
Hun you sooo deserve to succeed, and I for one am sending you my best wishes and as much support as you want!

xx

 

[Cheb]

Hey Roch

It matters not how many time you start over, 'you've not failed til you stop trying' and you're no quitter.

Thinking of you.

 

[MadamDotty]

Hi Roch

Just caught up with your post and had to reply. Don't think of yourself a failure - BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT - and yes I am shouting here You may not have done things in the tradition of your family, they may view you as a black sheep, but I think you are probably being very hard on yourself, they love you. Remember you have a beautiful son that you have brought up and done a wonderful job with, that is not failure. Coming on here & posting among all the successful posters and the people having great weight losses takes courage & strength & is not failure. Choosing to start again, every single time you do it, is not failure. It doesn't matter how many times you "fail" at your diet, you only need to succeed once, & every time you start again, you are giving yourself the chance to succeed.

As everyone has said, if you start now you can be a good 5-6 stone lighter by the time of your family gathering. Keep focusing on that, and the looks of surprise & delight when you walk in that room. Everyone will be delighted to see you after such a long time anyway. Image how much better you'll feel, for every half-stone you lose, and how you are benefitting your long-term health for you & your son.

You can do this Roch & you have so much support & love on these boards, because you give so much to others. Don't feel alone, we're all here for you.

Go get that car, that puppy & your packs - & look forward to the next chapter.

Take care, much love
xxxxxx

 

[Barb]

Hi Roch - how are you today? I read your post and I felt sad for you and then I thought, no hang on, this is the old Roch, she is talking about the past. You have started your new beginning and I think in that post you were kind of ' setting the scene' for both us and yourself. You have a real starting place now and the only way is up ( well down really, you know what I mean). The new car, new puppy, getting your health sorted, these are all positive news - celebrate Honey, this is your year!

Love Barb xxxxx

 

[Roch]

Hi mrs T, how r u doing and hope u had a wicked birthday !!
I know what you are saying about how much my life will change if i just lose a large chunk of weight but at the moment its just learinng to start loving myself and believing in myself has got to be something i have to work hard at x

Hi Cheb,i understand what u r saying but when u feel so down and your self confiedence is shot is hard to believe u r not a failure, but i am going to work at being more posisitve.
How r u doing hun x

Hi Madame Dotty, how r things with u.I have tried to raise Aaron with as much love as i have and to help me grow into a loving and productive young man, but at the same time he has missed out on so much becuase of my weight and these are things i can never make up for and that makes me so sad.
Just losing 5/6 stone will practically take me to my weight i was 15 years ago when i was pregnant with Aaron and when i look back at how different my life was i am shocked but my weight was still a major issue then and controlled my life but not as much as the last 12 years.
This time i cant give in Ssing as i wont ever break a promise to Aaron,especially as this means so much to him that i come to the weekend away.
So Roll on Monday and i will take this journey day by day and step by step but i need support and unfortunately i dont have much of that in my every day life.

Hey Barb, how have u been hun.2006 was not a good year for so many of us, so i hope and pray 2007 will be so much better for all of us.
I know i am the only person who can change my life and its all out there just waiting for me to grab and i hope i will have enough strength and courage to grab it and change my life in so many ways.


I am resarting Ssing again on Monday i do feel nervous and aprehensive as i have failed so many times but all i can do is give it my all.
I have promised Aaron that i will def go to the family weekend away and its in 18/20 May and i cant go back on my promise as i have never done that and i dont intend to start breaking promises to him now, but i have to drop at least 5/6 stone b4 i go so i wont feel so terrible and ashamed and feel like all 55 of my family are all staring at me and wondering how and why i allowed myself to get to such a disgusting size.

Today i am going to go and get my puppy, i have found a beautiful Brindle/blue staff puppy who is 9 weeks old and she is Kc registered so we are off this afternoon to get all the bits and pieces we need, she is one of 16 pups and her brother lives with a good friend of mine in the same block of flats to me so they can play together, i am really looking forward to getting her.

Still looking for a car, so fingers crossed will find one today in Auto trader then i will be mobile for the first time in so long.
Got to go and make my flat puppy friendly,so got loads to do.
Hope u r all having a good day and the wather is not 2 bad where u r, take care and chat soon xx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Hi Roch - nice to see you back posting again. As someone else said you are NOT a failure until you give up ... and you are not giving up.

Last Friday I had my BLACK Friday .... sat and read through my diary start to finish ... and realised I'd put on 9lb sine I started the diary in the summer. I was horrified and really upset, had a pity party all on my own, then decided that in 6months time I want to be reading my diary saying I'm at target. The only way to do that is get on with this crazy diet. So I did ... and Monday i thought the central heating had died ... until I realised i was in ketosis! (that long since i'd been there i'd forgotten what it felt like!) Now nearly a week later I'm down 8lbs!

When i first came on here - you welcomed me ... encouraged and motivated me, as you have done for so many other new people ... I want to try and do the same back for you.

So

and I look forward to hearing about how you've been getting on.

 

[MadamDotty]

Hi Roch

Lovely to hear from you again, how exciting about getting your puppy, although you'll have your work cut out for you over the next few weeks But it will keep you busy and help you with your diet hopefully, all that wee mopping up really does help supress an appetite

Seriously though it'll be really good for you, nothing quite like the unconditional love a dog can give you, I'd be lost without my darling little dog.

All the best with your re-start, you can do it, just focus on the family weekend & keep posting when you're struggling.

Take care
xxx

 

[mrs tweedy]

Hi Roch, I am sooo excited for you this will be your year to shine!
Just keep in mind over the next few weeks when you feel like waivering how important this is for you and your son, keep the promise you made in the front of your mind so that it will urge you on through the tough days (and there will be tough days babe, but with a bit of self belief and a lot of support from your online buddies you will do it)!

Keep thinking of how with each month that passes that will be at least another stone off forever, and like I said with each and every stone lost your life will improve in oh so many different ways, and i can't wait for you to start to experience it!

You could easily be a good 7 stones lighter by the summer hun, just try to visualise how great that will feel! I really wish I lived nearer to you,so i could support you in person but I just know you can do it you just need to believe in yourself!

Also I remember my very first desperate post on the original wemitt thread and every now and again I go back and read it and I just know that I never want to feel that way ever again! Maybe you could write a word document filled with all your hopes and dreams, all your worries and insecurities, the way you are feeling now (and have been feeling for a long 12 years)! And whenever you feel like giving in have a read of it and I bet it will re enforce your resolve to lose the excess weight!!!!

Much love and best wishes for you Roch, and here's to the next most exciting phase of your life xx

 

[kandy]

Hiya Roch,

You have a target now may 18th by coincidence that will be my 31st birthday although i look over 40 ! lol

I am also looking at a ss start on monday and i am feeling apprehensive too dont wanna fail another restart takes so much longer to get back at it, so failure is not an option !

Also talking of coincidence i get my new puppy tomorrow we have called her Milly she's a cairns terrier and i look forward having to take her walkies good for her, and for me !

Heres to a fresh chapter i will be poping in on your thread on monday afternoon after work when i have finished mopping up puppy pee !

Good luck with your new wheels !


Lotsa love hunny, Julie xxxxxxxx

 

[mrs tweedy]

Hi Roch just checking in to lend my support, hope you are ok hun xx

* waves to Julie whilst I'm in here* xx

 

[cah-ching]

Hi Roch,

Hope you are well. I'm just checking in on one of the prettiest posters on Minimins (you!)

Much Love

CC xx

 

[Roch]

Hi Beverely, hun sorry i have not responded earlier to your post,but have not been able to get online.
You amaze me,u r so strong and u always pick yourself up so fast and get on just get on with things and you have lost the 8lbs and more since u wrote that post, u go girl come summer time u r going to be strutting around in your bikini and feeling so proud of yourself.
Take care hun and have a good day xxxxx

 

[Barb]

Tell us about the puppy - come on what's he like, how big, what colour, how fluffy etc... God I love puppies!

Love Barb xxx

 

[Roch]

Hi Madame D, hows things hun.Well my pup is absolutely gorgeous and she is such a good girl and she has already helped to lift my spirits.
When it comes to focusing on Ssing i feel different this time,i am not sure how to explain it but all i do know is that i am sick and tired of my life and i just want to live again and i hope and pray that will be the determination i need to stay focused this time.
Take care hun and have a good day xxx

 

[Roch]

Hi Mrs Tweedy,7 stones lighter that is something that i could not imagine, that would take me down to 21 stone which was the weight i was when Aaron was born,i was still sooo big then but compared to 28 stone now i will take 21 stone any day.
I am going to try and make many changes to my life in 2007 and as well as getting healthy and loosing my weight i need to learn to be a stronger person and to stop peeps taking liberties with me, this has happend to me most of my life and i find it very hard to say "NO" and i think i must have "MUG AND FOOL" written on my forehead so 2007 has to be a year where i change so much phyisically and emotionaly and turn my life around.

So hun how have u been,been up 2 anything nice this past week.
Take care and thanks so much for taking the time to always make sure i am ok xxx

 

[Roch]

Hey Julie,So the 18th will be a momentous day for both of us,a time when when we will both be so much lighter and happier.
I got my beautiful Staff bull terrier pup on Friday, she is Black and Brindle and is 10 weeks old and Aaron called her Ebony, she is a peeing and pooing machine but so cute.

So we r both restarting Ssing on Monday, come on Julie we can do this, we need to do this and lets start being happy again.
Take care hun and ill be there with u on Monday xxx

 

[Roch]

Hi Roch,

Hope you are well. I'm just checking in on one of the prettiest posters on Minimins (you!)

Much Love

CC xx

Hey Cc, yeah right, the days of me looking good are long gone,have abused my body so much that every part of me is now suffering and negelcted.
Anyway hows u hun, what are u up 2 this weekend,going anywhere nice,i am soending the day doing housework and cleaning up after my weeing and pooing machine.
Take care hun and thanks for the comliments xxx

 

[Roch]

Tell us about the puppy - come on what's he like, how big, what colour, how fluffy etc... God I love puppies!

Love Barb xxx

Hi Barb, hows u hun, well my puppy is called Ebony, she is a Black and Blue Brindle Staff bull terrier and is 10 weeks old, she was very nervous when we got her on Friday and would not leave Aarons side but now she is excited to see me as well, she sleeps through the night without weeing or pooing and we r trying to train her on the puppy training pads,will try and post a pic of her later on, will have to email Pierce with a pic as having probs attaching it to my thread, take care hun xxx

 

[mustdoit]

my 8 yr old dog pooh ed on dining room floor ..........so thinking of you ......any good stain removers recommended ????

lets aim for 19 st 13 lbs .............behind you all the way ...x

 

[Roch]

Well as i sit here today i feel nervous and apprehensive for my restart on Ssing tomorrow,its been so long since i have had faith in myself that unfortunately its just normal for me to be nervous and worried as in the past i seem to have given up on the first or second hurdle and never fought hard to sucseed.

For some reason this time seems different, i think i have got to the lowest point in my life,my whole body is just wanting to give up phyisically and emotionally and i know this sounds weird coming from a person who weighs 28 stone but i am actually sick and tired of food and eating and i dont even eat any meals any more i just have snacks like toast and yoghurts and of course the occasional naughty desert lol, so i am now well ready to completely take food out of the equation but i am just worried if about my lack of willpower and determination !!

I went yesterday to go and get my Lt packs from the chemist and told him i will be back on Moday morning to be weighed, and i have asked my friend to hold on to my scale for me so i wont be tempted to weigh myself.
When the pharmacist said to me come on lets weigh you, i automatically said to her i dont think the scale will go up to my weight, but it was one of those big digital scales that u have in department stores and suprsingly it weighed me,shocked me as well !!!
Last night i was thinking how different my life was when i weighed 21 stone which is soooo enormous to soo many peeps but comoared to weighing 28 stone now, 21 stone is skinny and i was 21 stone when i gave birth to Aaron at 24 years old and my life was soo different i had so much confidence and energy and i now look at the person i have allowed myself to turn into because of my addiction to food and i hate myself and i cant wait to have that kind of energy again !!

I know this journey is going to be a hard physiscal and emotional journey for me and i am not very good at asking for help but i really do need some help and support as i am very much on my own apart from Aaron and one very good close friend so i dont really have a support network.Although i have a very large family i chose a different path in life to them and becuase of that i dont see them and have not for many years, so my promise to Aaron this year to go to the family weekend away means so much to him as i have not been for 7 years and he has had to go on his own with one of my uncles and my cousins and can not and will not go at the weight i am so i have to sucseed, i cant break my promise to Aaron.

Yesterday, i went shopping to Tesco to get some shopping in for Aaron, as i am going to give him prepared meals for the first week i am Ssing and Tesco`s now stock a range of very nice Jamican dishes and Aaron is used to me cooking West indian meals since he was a baby, and i was walking down one of the isles and this lady was blatantly staring at me then as soon as i walked past her she started talking to her family member about me and was pointing towards me they did not realise i had turned round and seen them, and usually i would jsut ignore ignorant rude peeps like this but my back wis killing me as i have mild sciatica and i turned round and said to her "have u not got anything better to do with yourself than be so friggin rude and stare at me, u r not oil painting look at yourself" then i walked away, i was so upset, why do peeps have to be so rude and hurtful !!

Anyway, that was yesterday and today i have lots to do, Aaron is re painting my hallway the colour is called "chill out" a very neutral colour and tomorrow my friend is painting my bedroom for me, as i have recently got a new bed and its a chocolate brown leather sleigh bed and is beautiful.
Got loads of sorting out to do and my back is very painfull as i have mild sciatica but that is not going to get in the way of me Ssing !!

Hope u all are having a good day, catch u later, have to come off the pc for a bit and rest my back b4 i get on with the housework, need to get it all done today in case my back gets worse tomorrow.
Catch u later xxxxx