hmmm - sharing personal feelings

Stacey, hun - I am so very sorry for your horrendous trauma. What you went through is totally appalling and you cannot expect to recover from it in such a short time, without a great deal of nurturing.

I echo everyone else's encouragement for you to get as much counselling as you can - it would be such a tragedy for the rest of your life to be blighted by the actions of some evil people.

I do think KD is right though (and HUGS to you, KD - as I wasn't aware of your story either) - with time, you will be able to feel detached from what happened to the younger you.

I was sexually abused at the age of 4 and can talk about it now very calmly - it doesn't touch me (even though no one believed me at the time) - and it was a very long time ago. But the good thing, I suppose, that's come from it is that I protect my children like a tigress! No man will ever violate them, while I have my strength.

You, my darling, will be ok - you have great friends in real life and on here - and we will help you get through this.

You've made a connection as to why you became overweight. Some people spend their whole lives not knowing why. Now you are ready to change that aspect of yourself, but you cannot expect to 'crack' it immediately, as losing weight will trigger off some uncomfortable feelings for you (without counselling).

There's no reason why a doc would make you stop the diet unless you were on a contra-indicated medication. They would probably be pleased (like my GP was) that you are doing something positive to help yourself. It's a good sign.

Lots of love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
thanx so much isobel, n for all ya time that went into ur post n for sharing ur past too

tbh i don really have many real life friends, and certianly not ones i can talk to, they either tell me i cant talk about it, or only talk about it to gain attention (yea its possible how wierd) and my family have banned me from talkin bout it to

i think councellin is very important to me so i think i am going to change doctors and see if i ca get help that way, and hope they understand why its important for me now

thanks for all yasupport everyone :)

its sooo much appreciated

and i am so orry if this has brought up any bad feelings/ thoughts etc for anyone

xxx
 
Stacey, the fact that you have been able to tell us about the awful things that you have had to endure shows such strength of character.
I read your post and have nothing but respect and admiration for your ability to open up and having been able to cope, seemingly alone.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be confident, you deserve to be the person that you want to be. Dont let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams.
Big hugs to you
Ceri.
 
OMG Stacey I am so sorry for what you have been through!!
I still cant believe what I have read
you have used your weight as a shield from pain and now you not only have to learn to lose weight , but also to live again without that shield, that is not easy at all and its no wonder that you struggle

I wanted to share some things on here but like you didnt know if it was apropriate, but now can see that it is helpful to get things out in the open as lots of people have had so many experiences and invaluable advice to share,
victim support have good practical advice and support maybe you could give them a try as they have helped us alot since we went through our ordeal
big hugs for you stacey you are one strong lady!!
nat xxxxxxxxx
 
Hi Stacey,
your story has made me ashamed of my fellow men...we're not all like the maggot who violated you but when we hear stories like yours it makes us a little less proud of being a bloke. You were not raped because you were "young and fit" it happened because he was an inadequate f***wit who couldn't have a consensual relationship with any woman.Rape is rarely about sex it is most often about power.He clearly can't cope with women so preys on the young.The subsequent loss of the baby adds to the guilt but we who view from a distance can clearly see you were not at fault..hopefully you will be able to see and believe that one day.You cannot change what has happened in the past but you can change how it affects your future.Don't allow him to continue to have power over you. Take back control of your life and effectively "cut his d*ck off" by building a better future for yourself.I have to admit I have a problem with counselling, as offered by GP surgeries, some of it is excellent but often it does as much damage as good. Have you tried approaching women's group's, Rape Crisis etc or even ask to be referrred to your Community Mental Health Team.

Alex
 
You are one incredible young lady, Stacey. To say that I admire your strength is an understatement. Nothing can change the past, but I hope you get armed with lots of useful ways to deal with the memories (mental and physical) to ensure you have the happy future you deserve.
It's very clear that the emotions are still very raw, which is totally to be expected after only 3 years passed. I agree with everyone else, I think you should go seek more counselling, perhaps with a different person, or even try different types of counselling, so you don't get steered into one persons way of thinking or suggestions?
It really, really, saddens (and angers) me to hear about the lack of support from your family and so called friends.
Not sure of your personal life/work situation, but is it an option to move away from that area altogether? Kinda like a fresh start, surrounded by people who don't know you or your past, but can love you, and become friends with you for the fab person you are. It may sound really drastic, but if you have no major ties where you are now, it may just be a great first step on the path to the new you!
I'm glad you opened up. I'm sure it's made some of us stop and put our own trivial problems into prospective. I'm almost embarrassed moaning about trying to lose weight, when you're dealing with that on top of all those painful memories too.
Keep strong and keep going! You owe it to yourself! Much love 'n hugs...
 
Dear Stacey,

It is unimaginable to go through the pain and suffering that you have been through and to have emerged out of it so strong and loving and that is very obvious in the encouragement and support you always offer everyone when in need.

Please remember how special you are and that this experience has made you deal with the toughest situation in your life and you have emerged a stronger person today. This is again obvious in the fact that you chose to speak about something so close to your heart and you have made such fantastic efforts towards your weight-loss journey and general healing.

You really are beautiful inside out and I hope this horrible experience can fade into nothingness as you emerge more and more beautiful and stronger day by day.

Best wishes and all the love to you. xxx
 
Stacey - have just caught up on this post....what an awful ordeal for you....:( hope it has helped by sharing....

re the counselling....you could try Victim Support or Rape Crisis...or one of the women's support groups....

one thing's for sure.....you are a very special lady who deserves the best that life has to offer....hopefully time will heal your pain....I had a very traumatic experience 17years ago and it's only now that I can talk about it without crying...I tried counselling but found that, for me, it was too painful and brought back all the hurt from the past..but I know that it can be of great help to some....most of all - be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to get better....:)

sending hugs and love to you...

Debz
xxx
 
I'm so sorry you had to go through all that hun, you are amazingly strong xx
 
Stacey I'm so lost for words ...

I might be very new this forum but you are one of the most inspirational girlies on here. To have been through something so awful and yet still be able to provide so much love and support to others when you didn't get any of that at a time when you were so in need of it. You are one truly incredible girl. My full admiration to you for picking yourself up and taking steps to move on by losing the weight. You so deserve to regain your youth, your confidence, your body image and most importantly your happiness.

Great big hugs coming your way hun :hug99: xx
 
what an awful ordeal it for some one to go through, im the same age as you and I can tell you this, I would NOT have been able to deal with that never mind talk about it again.

I have so much admiration for you and really think that you are one of the strongest people i know, even though i have only been introduced to you today!

i think we should all raise our glasses to you as you are a phenominal woman.

Also you have some fantastic friends who are behind you, so dont give up, think about the bright future you and your friends are going to lead.
 
morning everyone

thanks soooooo much for ya fab replies :D i was kinda scared about it beng posted, but now i am glad i did, to be honest if i could turn back the clock and for all of it never to hppen in a strange way i am not sure that i would (as much as it hurt me phsycally n emotionally) because it made me a much much stronger person, made me realise ho my real friends where and family and that if you want to do somethin then only you can do it, you cant relie (sp) on anyone

i am going to ring a few doctors in my area today and see about moving doctors as i dont find mine very helpful, and then i have thought about cbt and will look into someextra councelling

i have recently started a new job, and there was a team of 8 of us started together in traning and they are the best group of pple i have met in a long time, so i am hoping to make new friends along the way, and i am also at uni (which i love) i moved out of my parents house in jan into halls which is the best decision i ever made, so i am hoping if i can also loose weight and sort my head out this year, then i can look at this year as a very big postive time in my life

thanks everyone for listening cos it really means a lot :D

xxx
 
Hi Stacey

Just want to say I am so sorry for all you have been through. I hope that sharing this has helped and will continue to do so.

I'm glad you shared as it is very relevent information for us to be able to understand and support you in your weightloss.

Well done for being so brave.

Dizzy x
 
thanks dizzy

i woke up feeling a lot more postive today :)

i also asked my flatmate to read it, so now he can understand that because 90% of the time i am the bubbly, talkative hyper girl that i am, that wen i am not happy he knows its nothing personal, i think he was quite shocked and he clearly didnt know what to say, so i explained before he read i that i wasnt looking for sympathy etc i jus wanted to explain how i was feelin and that he didnt have to talk about it

i feel like a huge weight has been lifted

thanks everyone

xx
 
stacey, i have read everyone elses messages and i have nothing new to add ,only to reiterate ,attacks like this are rarely about sex,usually power and your defence /retaliation should be to live your life to the full and prove you are more powerful than the "maggot" . woman have told me before that its not the incident that scarred them the most but living with the shame . its not your shame you are an innocent victim to this crime . keep strong
 
yea thats sooo true, it certily wasnt about sex, it was about him feeing he cud win etc, i feel bad that i trusted him, and that he broke that trust when i was the only person willing to give him a friendship etc, i also feel ashamed that it was 5pm in a midde of a town centre yet i didnt manage to do anything to stop it happening, yes he had a knife but i feel let down in myself that i put mysef in that situation and left myself vulnerable, i have to say worse than bein raped was the way the police handled my case, they messed it up from the minute i went in to the end of my case, thy put me in a waitin room and then put him in one opposite ih just a window between us etc

the wierd thing is, his whole family took my side over his, and kicked him out n he had to live in a bed and breakfast because they want nothing to do with him, i see him nearly once a month, and the sickest thing has to be if i see him on a night out and he will be with a new girl and i so want to help her and warn her but i no i cant, cos i could get locked up, n it breaks my heart that i cant help other people, which is why i am studyin social work at uni focusing on child abuse and rape victims

xxx
 
I have just been reading your posts and the lovely replies.

I dont have any words of wisdom, but would like to share my support for you in dealing with all of the issues that have been going on.

Stay strong. Do not let that creep win.

be kind to yourself xxx
 
Stace did he ever go to jail for what he did
wouldnt surprise me if he didnt
the man who stabbed my hubby never went to prison, but went on to kill an old lady at a bus stop 2 years later:(
he is now serving life,but if he had been dealt with the first time it could have saved alot of misery
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Y
Starting a VLCD for good this time!
Replies
4
Views
1K
Kitty07
K
L
Low FODMAP VLCD? Is it possible?
Replies
0
Views
2K
Lowfod
L
Visualizing
New Cambridge 2023/2024 Losing to Maintaining Journey Together
5 6 7
Replies
123
Views
8K
MsJMC
MsJMC
F
Getting fit for 40! My diary (feel free to join me)
Replies
13
Views
2K
AliGal
AliGal
T
Oh dear and food help
Replies
2
Views
4K
Halley
Halley
Back
Top