How can i help?

[MunchMarie]

A friend of mine has done so well on cd but had to stop for medical reasons. She has restarted now she is allowed but is having an incredibly hard time. she has just binged and i'm trying to help get her back on track but i just dont know what to say! she is so confused by this time being so much harder than the first time. I dont understand why is it harder? I'm on my first time so i have no experience of a restart. i have looked around all the forums for explanations/advice and all i can see is that everyone has the exact same experience!
I was wondering if maybe it isnt that the second time IS harder but maybe that the memory of the first time is that it was easier than it actually was?
this may be because its the first week or so that is really hard but the majority of the journey is easy(ish lol) so you remember the majority feeling not the initial feeling plus the initial excitement may overshadow the initial hardness.

what do you think - am i way off the mark? or does it make sense? any advise you could give me to help her restart successfully would be great.

 

[KD]

There's lots of reasons why it might feel harder.

If she has already lost a fair bit, she might not feel so desperate

She knows it works, so hey...it'll work tomorrow

The novelty factor isn't there any more.

She may have learnt the little 'cheats' that usually end up cheating you out of sticking to it.

She might feel that she has failed before, so is bound to fail again...so why not now.

(I have more explanations ) Wrote a list of them once

 

[KD]

If she has already lost a fair bit, she might not feel so desperate - she needs to look for something to aim for....rather than looking back from what she was trying to get away from (IYKWIM)

She knows it works, so hey...it'll work tomorrow - so why not today?

The novelty factor isn't there any more. - so do it differently. Different shakes, split them if she didn't before etc

She may have learnt the little 'cheats' that usually end up cheating you out of sticking to it. - No cheats. Cant have cheats. That's what blew it first time (usually), but it's often the case that 2nd, 3rd + time around it's better to do a higher plan...especially at the beginning

She might feel that she has failed before, so is bound to fail again...so why not now. - I think that's a really common one. We believe we are failures, and it's a self fulfilling prophecy If we believe we can't do it, then we probably can't

 

[MunchMarie]

There's lots of reasons why it might feel harder.

If she has already lost a fair bit, she might not feel so desperate

She knows it works, so hey...it'll work tomorrow

The novelty factor isn't there any more.

She may have learnt the little 'cheats' that usually end up cheating you out of sticking to it.

She might feel that she has failed before, so is bound to fail again...so why not now.

(I have more explanations ) Wrote a list of them once

thank you so much for replying KD - your advice is always brill! i think all of these may apply! fancy routing out that list anytime? what do you do to re-motivate someone then? or really is it best to point them in the direction of stuff to read to help themselves and do your best to just support them?

btw just been reading an old thread http://www.minimins.com/strugglers-restarters/23697-interesting-article-emotional-eating.html
and i love how you debate - you are amazing at playing devils advocate! very thought provoking!

 

[KD]

thank you so much for replying KD - your advice is always brill! i think all of these may apply! fancy routing out that list anytime?

Just looked for it, but think I might have binned it

what do you do to re-motivate someone then? or really is it best to point them in the direction of stuff to read to help themselves and do your best to just support them?

I'll pm you

btw just been reading an old thread http://www.minimins.com/strugglers-restarters/23697-interesting-article-emotional-eating.html
and i love how you debate - you are amazing at playing devils advocate! very thought provoking!

Fun thread The debate continued via email for a couple of months after that

 

[minime]

You could always point her in the direction of Icemoose's weekly newsletters. They can all be accessed at Mike Scott's No Willpower Required Newsletter, there is one in there about restarting and if you think the 2nd time will be harder then it probably will. I've found them all really helpful.

 

[MunchMarie]

thanks for that minime - yeah i get the newsletters too and they are great but didnt think of it -d'oh x thanks!