How can one feel sexy when one is so fat?

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Piglet, 3 October 2008 Social URL.

  1. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    I don't know if anyone else has this problem, I'm kinda hopping someone does so they can give me their thoughts..... I hate my body so much at the mo:cry: that I cant even look in the mirror let alone contemplate letting my DH look at it or touch it! :eek: It doesn't help or relationship much with me hating myself so much, I rush around getting dressed or undressed before I'm spotted. I never used to be like this, I used to be the biggest flirt going, but that feels like a lifetime ago. I really wish I could bring myself to like me :raincloud: :sad0071:

    Piglet :sigh:
     
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  3. SO MUCH TO LOSE!

    SO MUCH TO LOSE! Must do it this time

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    oh hun,
    i really feel your pain as i too have been like that too.(and still am just not as much)
    at my heaviest i was 19st 4lb and looked and felt like a whale.i too would run and hide when changing so as not to be spotted and when we did make love it was awful for me as i could feel everything wobbling and just wished it was over as he must think im as disgusting as i feel,but he never did hun,he says he loved me just the way i am but was just worried for my health and has been so supportive to me throughout my journey.
    as the lbs fall awaay you will gradually rebuild your confidence and feel so much sexier,you have already taken the first step by doing something about it and well done on the 6lbs loss.
    why dont you start pampering yourself every week/forthnight as a treat for losing weight and will really will feel a difference as i found with me i stopped looking after my appereance the bigger i got and that doesent help the situation at all,
    i hope you feel better about yourself very soon and let us know how your getting on,
    not sure if ive been much help,but just wanted to et you know your not alone
    elaine x
     
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  4. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Hiya Elaine
    Actually you have been a huge help, I'm crying now :cry: only because this bit
    is exactly the same for me. I just cant imagine why he would want to make love to me when I'm soooo disgusting to look at :cry:I just really really want to feel nice.
     
  5. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    So sorry you feel like this, but try to remember that it's in your head. Bet your DH thinks you are sexy :hug99:

    Ya know. My mum was one of the sexiest ladies around (so I'm told). She had the handsomest men flocking after her all the time.

    She was 23 stone.

    Being sexy isn't anything to do with your weight.
     
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  6. SO MUCH TO LOSE!

    SO MUCH TO LOSE! Must do it this time

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    oh sweetheart please try not to be upset ,
    you have taken the biggest step by starting to lose weight.is your dh supportive as i feel this makes all the difference in the world.
    the thoughts we have about ourselves are not what our oh/dh think of us.they are not with us because they have to be,they are with us because they love us.when i finally got round to telling my oh how i felt when we made love he said to me when we make love i dont see the fat i just see the person that i fell in love with.
    what plan are you following and are you finding it easy to do?stick pictures of yourself around the house to motivate yourself and Do treat yourself,it really does help.
    please feel free to pm me whenever you feel the need to,im always on here in the evening time mostly,just send a message back to let me know your ok,
    elaine x
     
  7. needtofeelnormal

    needtofeelnormal Full Member

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    Hi piglet,

    I can relate to this too, i have never let a man see me naked, it would be mortifying to let someone see all the stretch marks and bulges.

    I have gone through relationship after relationship, compromising on "him" thinking i could do no better (and i mean a compromise - criminal records, alcoholics etc). I have never had a "good" relationship and im 30yrs old. It terrifies me that i am going to die an old lonely spinster and never have any kids. :(

    my last relationship ended about 2 months ago, but this one was different, i did feel sexy by the way he would react to me, he didnt seem to mind at all that i was big, but i still cant help but feel if i had a nice body the sex would have been even more amazing than it already was. I would only have sex in the dark and used to freeze if the light was on or it was even morning.... its taunting!

    I still blame my size for being single, i get comments all the time on how pretty my face is and i honestly believe i am single because of my size ..... hence why i am on the CD to try and do something about it, although i dont think i will ever feel confident enough to let a man see me naked as my skin will always be saggy and a mess.

    The point i am trying to make is that some men do like big women, and your OH obviously loves you no matter what. Would you be put off him if he put a bit of weight on? were you overweight when you met him?

    I was sitting in a coffee shop last weekend drinking my black coffee watching the world go by... i like to people watch and it suddenly dawned on me that probably 70% of the women that walked past the window i was gazing out of were overweight (i class overweight as a size 16+) ... it was amazing, sometimes you get so self obsessed with how you look that you dont notice the amount of people around you that are in the same boat, and if they are also obsessing about theirselves then they wont be taking any notice of us..... i know ive yet agan gone off the point a bit there, but an important point i feel.

    Just hang in there hun, the more weight we lose the better it will get, its us who have the complex and feelings of disgust when we look at ourselves.... not our OH's (wey if i had one :))

    treat yourself to some new clothes, underwear, haircut, what ever makes you feel better and try to focus on the beautiful things about yourself, because you will have many i promise you!!! and that is what your OH will see.... not the imperfections! and just remember.... if your man is turned on enough to make love, then thats YOU making him turned on... hence he is attracted to you.

    xx
     
  8. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Thanks KD that made me smile, and I know you're right its not all about how you look. But.... I just cant get away from that feeling of self loathing.

    Hiya Elaine, I don't think I'm allowed to PM yet. It all came to a head this afternoon. My DH works from home and he was in the mood.... I was thinking of all the excuses I could to escape.... even hovering!! We did talk about it, he was feeling I don't want him anymore but thats so far from the truth and I tried to explained that I hate me, I just don't feel very attractive or sexy and feel that he cant possibly want me. But like you said he said he just sees the person that he loves. Px
     
  9. SO MUCH TO LOSE!

    SO MUCH TO LOSE! Must do it this time

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    ye know,
    i think we should give our men a little more credit, as they tell us how they feel. we just dont want to take it in ,but your right it sooo hard when all we see is the fat,but thats just one bit of us.
    we are the person he turns to in his time of need,the mother to his children,the person who makes him laugh when hes down and the person who loves him unconditionally so why would we think that this is any different for us?
    just have a little faith in yourself hun and i promise that when the lbs fall away you will feel like a new woman,you have taken control and thats a huge step,im telling you you will on here in another few weeks time and you`ll be telling a different story,confidence thats the name of the game,
    you never said what diet you were on and how your finding it?
    elaine x
     
  10. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Hiya Needtofeelnormal Firstly :hug99:
    I can totally relate to what you're saying. But if there is someone out there for me then there is DEFINITELY someone out there for you!! When I was little I had a problem with a family member, infact I had a problem with another family member later as well and I pray to God with all my heart that he punishes them because they are the reason I am the person that I dislike so much now. I know it sounds totally crazy but I wanted to be fat so no one would ever look at me again. I wanted to disappear and hide from everyone. I didn't want to be seen. Now I'm 40. Now I want to be looked at and feel desired. And now I've forgotten what I was going to say because a small person that should be asleep is coming down the stairs! Px

    PS I'm doing SWorld which is totally fantastic, soooo much better than counting points and best is I can eat when I'm hungry!
     
  11. Janey2004

    Janey2004 This is for ME!

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    Hi Piglet, Can totally relate to what you are saying. I ended up hating myself and body so much that I stopped wearing makeup, doing my nails, you know stuff like that. But I'm trying to combine losing weight with pampering and looking after myself. Loads of long baths, nice body cream and smellies. I also bought some nice undies, there are some good sites online for the big girl. I know they prob wont fit me soon(heres hoping!!!) but they fit properly and kinda make me feel a wee bit better about getting this bod out in front of hubby. Dunno it kinda works for me.
    Janey xx
     
  12. charliegirl

    charliegirl Silver Member

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    I too can relate to this, I am single and whilst I know a man is not the be all and end all in life I would like a man friend...I would not inflict my rolls of fat on anyone though and when I tried telling the consultant how I felt he said I had low self esteem and he did not think surgery would help me and wanted a second opinion. I tried to explain that the inside of me does not match the outside. I used to flirt and laugh and be confident but I dont do it now in case they think "theres a fat desperate woman". I also have stopped making as much effort on how I look probably to stop drawing attention to myself. I long for the thinner more confident person inside to get out and one day she will for all of us...xx
     
  13. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    I sooo needed to read something like this at the moment!! Thank you KD :D..xxx
     
  14. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Hi Guys
    I always think that everyone else around me is so confident but in reality inside lots of us seem to feel the same. In a way this makes me feel I'm not alone.
    That is me totally!

    Maybe I shouldn't have started this thread as I ended up eating a Twix and a cornetto because of it! :break_diet:I weighed myself this morning and I have lost but I know it will definitely catch up with me next week :sigh:

    Piglet x
     
  15. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    HEY HEY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Whats with all the negative talk!!! :eek:

    I should slap you all with my wet rubber chicken!!! LOL :giggle:

    Define Sexy?? What is sexy??? How can any of you say that your not?? :whoopass: LOL

    It takes all shapes and sizes to make this world!!! so do you think that if you looked like kate moss then that would be sexy???

    I am over weight...and i am sexy :party0048:

    My best mates :)sign0168:) are only size 8/10, the three of them so i am ALWAYS the (eerrrmm heaviest :p) one when we go out!!! ....but do i care...NOT 1 BIT :party0011:

    cus you know what.....i jiggle just a little :giggle:

    and i get just as much attention (hope DH doesnt read this LOL)....its not the size of you...its the way you carry yourself ;)

    now dont make me get my rubber chicken out........you have to love yourself hun...before anyone else can love you x :hug99:
     
  16. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    This is now going to be my new motto! Sometimes you need to be slapped with a rubber chicken before you can see sense.... well threatened to be slapped works just as well!:giggle:

    Thanks Totty :thankyou: a bit of firm talking works a treat for me Px
     
  17. xowee-shortieox

    xowee-shortieox Slowly Shrinking. Yay!!

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    Totty, I Love The Way You See The World!!!
     
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  19. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    LOL glad to be of help :happy036:

    you only get one life...you should live it :talk017:

    no point in being sad....anyone can change anything in their lives ....

    ......failing that..i have my rubber chicken at the ready :D

    :bliss:
     
  20. HealthyLiving8

    HealthyLiving8 Banned

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    Actually, ages and ages ago the ideal feminine form was way curvier than today's ideals.,,i say fat girls are sexy..I love all the rolls, curves, and bigger features...skinny women have no curves
     
  21. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    just think of maraliyn munroe....she wasnt your "perfect size 0"...she was actually a size 16 :D

    but she was one of the hottest women alive ;)
     
  22. HealthyLiving8

    HealthyLiving8 Banned

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    oh and by the way , the book "The Secret" law of attraction helps a lot!

    love yourself cos you're the best!
     
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