How do you deal with the well meaning sabotagers?

[noodles1609]

I'm starting to discover just how tiny I actually am under all the layers of fat, and still have quite a way to go before I reach my goal. However, because I've shrunk so many sizes I look like I've lost a lot more than I actually have I think, and are starting to get the "you don't need to lose anymore" comments. On the one hand, I'm perfectly fine with dealing with those from the people that don't really matter in my life, but I want to be prepared for the whole different kettle of fish when those comments start to come in from those who do matter. My mum has already commented that I can't be losing 6lb in less than a week as it's not healthy (I tried to explain the back into ketosis glycogen dumping but it didn't really do the trick), so I'm sure I'll be getting the other comments soon.

Has anyone faced this already - how did you deal with it? MYOB is ok on a certain level, but for loved ones it doesn't feel right. I've never shared my weight with anyone but are probably at the point where I would feel ok to do so - is this a good approach do you think - something along the lines of "well you may think that considering the difference in me after losing X stone that I don't need to go any further, but I'm actually X stone from having a healthy BMI so I think I have scope for losing X stone/lbs more" (with the X being whatever is relevant at the time of questioning!). I don't want to be rude, or seen to be defensive, cause ultimately it is my body, but it's one that needs careful phrasing with family and close friends I think?

 

[Minerva]

When my OH and I lost a major amount of weight a few years ago - he did see a lot of comments. He went from 25 stone down to 12 or so. It's a big change.

The thing that started to happen was - people telling him that he should stop. But, we realised, that the root of the problem wasn't that he was losing weight - it was because the people around him were "losing" HIM. Sounds daft - but their perception of who my OH ALWAYS was - was suddenly gone. He'd always been 'Big Jolly Lyle', but now he was no longer. People are scared of change and such a massive dramatic visual overhaul - makes others again doubt who you are.

So it's their own perception that needs to catch up, re-evaluate and realise that you are still you. It's hard to deal with comments about weight, but it's usually coming from a very deep and personal place for the other person. Talk to the person and reassure them - with time their understanding and the image of what is in front of them will catch up. So, it's not a problem with you at all! The problem's with them!

 

[StripedDaisy]

I would probably only say I still don't have a healthy bmi so my doc recommends I keep at it for a little longer. A little white lie but not something anyone would normally disagree with or dismiss.

 

[sugar_face]

Not quite the same but with in the first week when I mentioned on Facebook that I was doing a vlcd on just shakes I got a lot of people messaging me ... In my opinion they were just being plain rude but they were telling me its not healthy with the weight loss so fast and I should just eat healthy and exercise (they've no idea I ha bad habits that this would help fix and I have zero energy for exercise cause I got so heavy)
They all clearly knew better than me or my doctor .
I deactivated my Facebook hahah stupid negativity

I got lucky with my family and boyfriend they understand I support the whole thing I'm doing, not so much my friends though.

People have stopped inviting me out for a drink or meals hahah I dread to think what they're gonna be like when I drop a significant amount . I'll probably come back to this thread to see how everyone else has dealt with it though

Sent from my iPod touch using MiniMins

 

[weasey]

I faced this - especially from my mum. The thing to remember is that it is a big change for those around you, and it wasn't their choice. Most of the time when people lose a lot of weight quickly it is through illness and people have a worry because of that. My mum started when I was still obese. I just explained that I wanted to be mid range healthy BMI and kept reassuring her that I felt well and that I wouldn't become anorexic. She didn't chose this change - the least I could do was to support her through it. The good news is that once I reached goal she was very pleased and said that I looked healthy and well. It is harder when it is someone close to you but remember that it comes from concern and support them - but keep your focus - this is your journey and it is important that you reach your goal in order to help you with your maintenance. Good luck!

 

[and]

My mum always has a go at me for dieting.

Despite the fact i'm still in the overweight category and 2 stones heavier than I was before having kids she thinks I'm fine and should stop.

Today she had a go at me because I've put some weight back on and am dieting again... I should do it properly blah blah blah...

 

[Hamish's Mum]

Yesterday at work I was asked if I was diet obsessed. I have never discussed my diet unless someone asked me if I was on one and I just say SW. A few people gave told me I don't need to lose anymore but I just smile at them and say I just have a little bit. I don't tell them 2.5 stone it's none of their business

 

[noodles1609]

Thanks everyone, some very interesting pov's on this - all very helpful. Have to laugh really at my work colleagues - I'm still getting the snidy looks and noses in the air from the ladies I've left behind I think is the politest way to put it, and yesterday one of the skinny minnies was admiring my motivation and asking what my secret was - to the motivation rather than the weight loss - that's a new angle on it. With todays news of the new NICE guidelines for IVF I'm spurred on further - my consultant told me there is no way I'd get a funded cycle unless my bmi was under 30 and that I'd never do that before the cut off age without bariatric surgery, I'm not very far off now so I'm keeping that in mind too. I don't think I'd be too upset if he still said no, I just want to see his face when I go back with that bmi!! When I last saw him 5 months ago it was over 41.

Maybe I'll just smile and say I may look like I'm quite skinny, but with lead lined legs, I've got a few more pounds to go yet....