How do you get past the 'I can't be bothered' attitude?

[dudette2001uk]

Hi all.

Well it's been a long time since I've posted on here, partly because I don't feel I have the right to post on a slimming site.

I've done slimming world on and off for 5 years...I lost 5.5 stone and kept it off for a while, but I'm ashamed to say I'm right back where I started having gained all of the weight back. I feel fat and ugly, but I still can't seem to get past my 'I can't be bothered' attitude.

For those of you who do not know me, I've had a pretty traumatic and stressful eighteen months. My father was diagnosed with a brain tumour in September 2013. This was removed but grew back, and after a second operation and lots of complications and infections he died at the end of March last year. To say this rocked my world is an understatement. I've spent much of the last year under a cloud, and if I'm honest I still feel very much under that cloud. I find it hard to really care about anything most of the time.

I know I should have moved on by now, and I need to stop making excuses for my weight gain, but I'm finding it so hard to find any motivation. I find myself compulsively eating, whether I'm hungry or not, and it's never anything healthy. I hate myself for putting all the weight back on, which makes me just want to eat even more.

I'm not even sure what I'm rambling on about now. I guess I'd just like to know if anyone's got any tips for starting and staying on track, and any way of motivating yourself?

Sian xx

 

[Happy Holidays]

It has been a long time since you posted, I hope you're here to stay.

I really don't know what to suggest, losing your dad is bound to have an effect on you & your mental attitude, it sounds like you are now starting to be in a position to start again.

I know this sounds basic, but honestly I'd just take it 1 meal at a time, be good when you can, plan things which could cause 'challenges'.

My personal motivation is the reason I started many moons ago, my mum is overweight and at the time had so many hospital appointments all due to her being overweight and I didn't want to spend my later years at the hospital, so I knew to try & prevent that was to loose the excess weight. My health is important to me, when me & OH retire we both want to continue travelling & walking & just basically being outdoors. I know being healthy doesn't stop illness, OHs dad was fit & healthy, he ate well, walked everywhere & died of a massive heart attack, but I can try to do my best.

I also eat what foods I fancy, I can have burgers for breakfast, fish for breakfast, dinner & tea, I just eat what I want but make sure it's SW friendly I try not to stick to any rules other than SW ones!!! What foods do you like eating? x

 

[dudette2001uk]

I just wrote a really long reply but its lost it. So annoyed!

Basically, I wrote that I was always motivated by wanting.to look better than I do, but I can't seem to summon up the motivation to care at the.moment.

In terms if food, I pretty much love most foods, healthy and unhealthy unfortunately! Xx

 

[lentil2]

I think the way you feel is natural after losing your Dad and though you say you should have moved on by now, it really is still early days for you. Bereavement is a strange thing in that it is different for all of us, how we feel, how we cope, how long etc.

This post isn't about me but when my Dad died, it was the first time ever in my life I lost weight through upset and stress and what ever other feelings I was feeling at the loss of my Dad. Never had I not eaten in stressful times! Quite the opposite, I usually turned to food for comfort but I just couldn't eat due do the terrible knotted feeling in my stomach. So you see, bereavement can have an 'abnormal' effect on us.

Of course, I got back to 'normal' (that's why I am here!) and you will too.

Each day will get easier and gradually you will get back to your 'normal' old self and want to start looking after yourself again..it will come. For now though, why don't you just take one day at time, do the best you can diet wise and if you 'fail' one day, just try to do your best the next.

Also, don't forget, aside from losing your Dad and dealing with those feelings, you know deep down that dealing with you weight and taking some control over it will make you feel better too.
I think its always good to remember that there are so many things that we have absolutely no control over, but what we put in our mouths isn't one of them and we know the great feelings we can feel if we can just get into the swing of things and create good habits again. Just a few days into it usually starts the momentum.

Finally, don't beat yourself up over it....you've had a lot to deal with but just know it does get easier. Honestly it does, it never goes away, but you learn to deal with it.

 

[LittleOne83]

I think trying to do something you're not quite feeling whilst still grieving might be too big a step for the moment.

Have you had any bereavement counselling or spoken to your Dr about how you're feeling?

In terms of slimming world, maybe rather than looking at the big picture start with little things. Start making better choices with what you are eating. For one meal a day have 1/3 speed with it and gradually get that to two meals. Rather than buying a large bar of choc, get the smaller one. Swap out your regular stuff for fat free. Making small changes will lead on to bigger ones and before you know it you're on plan.
Also in terms of what you want to loose, do small goals.
Xx

 

[Nettee]

Sorry to hear about your Dad, I can imagine a situation like that putting weight loss down the list of priorities.

Re getting past the can't be bothered attitude. I gained back my weight plus more after I got to target. Kept promising myself I would go back if I got to a certain weight and kept going on up and feeling hopeless and like I didn't care. Eventually I just couldn't bear how big I had got and went back to group determined again. I hope I will not do it again having had the experience once. Still feel like it sometimes but I keep turning up to weigh in and other times I feel keen. Good luck.

 

[dudette2001uk]

Thank you for your kind replies. The tips and ideas are all very helpful xx

 

[BlackDiamond]

Sorry to hear about your poor daddy dudette!

I totally understand your "cant be bothered" attitude.
I lost nearly 4 stone and ive put half back on.

I think its harder the second time round because the first time the excitement keeps you motivated. But now you know what to expect and you know how bloody long it will take and the effort that goes in!! Im totally feeling your pain sweets!!

Sorry i have absolutely no advice or tips but i just wanted you to know you are not alone!! (As i tuck into a twix and google sw recipes)!!
Xx

 

[chocko1]

It's so lovely to see you post again, Sian and I feel I can't really add to any of the good advice given by others. I think, maybe, if you haven't already, it would be good to talk to your doctor or a bereavement councillor, as someone else suggested. As to feeling like you should have moved on, there can absolutely be no time limit for grieving, whatsoever. When my parents were killed, because I couldn't deal with the grief and trauma at the time, it hit me like a sledge hammer coming from nowhere, an incredible twenty years later! I was so depressed and engulfed in grief. I just couldn't cope and even ended up self-harming for a while. Eventually, I was taken into the psychiatric ward of the hospital and years of counselling followed. That is why I think it is so important for you to seek help now, rather than later. Things have moved on so much since then and, if your doctor isn't someone you could talk to, ask for a referral.

I know you, Sian, from when I first joined Minis and know how sparky and lively you used to be. I hate to think of you feeling so low, without seeing a 'light at the end of the tunnel', so to speak. If you do nothing else, keep posting on here. Never feel you are alone with this and NEVER feel you have 'no right' to post on this supportive site.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs. Please keep in touch.

Kathy xxx