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How long does a divorce take?

big bear

A bear on a mission!
#1
H & I can't work things out he's being a selfish b*astard and dragging the kids into arguments etc etc...

How long for a divorce? Where do I start? What happens financially with joint debts?

What happens about custody to the kids?

I'm just so gutted & didn't want things to go like this but we can't go on.....:cry:
 
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#3
Big bear, go to the CAB or soliciter. Divorces CAN take forever, but equally can be fairly quick & amicable. I only have knowledge through my mums 4 divorces, all of which were due to one party cheating on the other so don't want to give you bad advice as i don't think thats the situation you are in.

With regards to debts/assets - they are usually split 50/50 i believe. Custody - i beg you to sit down with your ex & try to discuss this rather than putting your kids through the family court system - no fun at all for anyone. If mediation fails, i believe that judges do still tend to side with mothers in the most part, & your husband would have to pay maintenance. Again, i beg you, put in place some provision for them to have regular contact with their father if this is the case.
 
#4
I agree with kingleds go to a solicitor or CAB. They will be able to give you the correct advice on what to do next. I know quite a few people, as I am sure we all do, who have divorced but each situation is different. Once you get the correct advice you will hopefully be able to see a way forward more clearly. :bighug:
 
#5
sorry to hear things are so rough for you, agree with above go to CAB first off to get advice on how and where to go.

good luck and you know where the forum is if you need to let of steam or anything

big hugs xx
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
#6
Just wanted to say a big thank you to you guys for your replies.

We've come to an agreement that he's going to stay at his Mums. He's having the children a couple of nights a week and he's going to pay the mortgage & half of our debts.

I'm sure I can manage everything else myself!

I'm not sure if we're going to divorce just yet although this is what he wanted. We may as well try to be reasonable otherwise its only the solictor that benefits!

Thanks again XXXX
 
#8
big bear said:
Just wanted to say a big thank you to you guys for your replies.

We've come to an agreement that he's going to stay at his Mums. He's having the children a couple of nights a week and he's going to pay the mortgage & half of our debts.

I'm sure I can manage everything else myself!

I'm not sure if we're going to divorce just yet although this is what he wanted. We may as well try to be reasonable otherwise its only the solictor that benefits!

Thanks again XXXX
Well done for being so reasonable. If you start to struggle financially then make sure you ask him for help though. Especially when it comes to things like school uniform etc.
 
#9
If you can settle things amicably and wait a while to divorce then you can miss out on solicitors fees. After 2 years, if both parties agree, you can do the papers yourself and only pay the fees. It used to be something like £250 for the decree nisi bit and then another £60 or so for the absolute. The time taken depends on how busy the courts are but once you have your nisi, it is then 6 weeks and 1 day before you can apply for the absolute. This comes through in no time after that.

If you wait 5 years then you don't need the other parties signatures, but the timings are similar.

However, if you are in any doubt as to the financial arrangements, then I would recommend a solicitor to get it all in writing - especially when it comes to money for the children and how much and how long he pays for.

When you do the divorce papers, you will also have to do "statement of arrangements for children" this sets out how often and how long he will have the children - so weekends, holidays etc.

The other thing to do is a Clean Break Order, this means that he will not be entitled to any future money you inherit etc. It is often overlooked (I never did one) but it is a very good thing to do, especially when things are likely to be acrimonious.

Hope this helps somewhat. You have my best wishes hun. It's a rough time for you. xxx
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
#10
Well done for being so reasonable. If you start to struggle financially then make sure you ask him for help though. Especially when it comes to things like school uniform etc.
I will but for now I think we'll be fine. The kids are just 1 & 3 now so don't have uniforms to worry about just yet.

I'm also entitled to more Child Tax Credits which will help.

I want to do this as reasonable as possible as my son (3 yr old) is getting really upset and affected by this which breaks my heart. So the easier & more amically the better.

Thanks so much for your advise.
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
#11
If you can settle things amicably and wait a while to divorce then you can miss out on solicitors fees. After 2 years, if both parties agree, you can do the papers yourself and only pay the fees. It used to be something like £250 for the decree nisi bit and then another £60 or so for the absolute. The time taken depends on how busy the courts are but once you have your nisi, it is then 6 weeks and 1 day before you can apply for the absolute. This comes through in no time after that.

If you wait 5 years then you don't need the other parties signatures, but the timings are similar.

However, if you are in any doubt as to the financial arrangements, then I would recommend a solicitor to get it all in writing - especially when it comes to money for the children and how much and how long he pays for.

When you do the divorce papers, you will also have to do "statement of arrangements for children" this sets out how often and how long he will have the children - so weekends, holidays etc.

The other thing to do is a Clean Break Order, this means that he will not be entitled to any future money you inherit etc. It is often overlooked (I never did one) but it is a very good thing to do, especially when things are likely to be acrimonious.

Hope this helps somewhat. You have my best wishes hun. It's a rough time for you. xxx

Thanks so much, I'll look into this. XXX
 
#12
Just wanted to say a big thank you to you guys for your replies.

We've come to an agreement that he's going to stay at his Mums. He's having the children a couple of nights a week and he's going to pay the mortgage & half of our debts.

I'm sure I can manage everything else myself!

I'm not sure if we're going to divorce just yet although this is what he wanted. We may as well try to be reasonable otherwise its only the solictor that benefits!

Thanks again XXXX
Is he paying maintenance for the children as well Karen ???

You are very wise to deal with everything in an amicable manner, all that happens if you don't is you get hurt and upset, the kids pick up on it and suffer and the lawyers get fat at your expense.

Is there a chance you can at least have Christmas in Ireland with your family,

lots of love and hugs, granny Sue xxxxxx
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
#13
Is he paying maintenance for the children as well Karen ???

You are very wise to deal with everything in an amicable manner, all that happens if you don't is you get hurt and upset, the kids pick up on it and suffer and the lawyers get fat at your expense.

Is there a chance you can at least have Christmas in Ireland with your family,

lots of love and hugs, granny Sue xxxxxx
I never really thought of the maintenance was just glad to have mortgage & half the loans paid.

I'm hopefully going to Ireland in January, can't make it for Xmas as I'm covering the office at work...

Thanks XXX
 
#14
This is how it was when I separated - Maintenance is 15% of his net salary for one child and 20% for 2 children.
That's taken from his salary after tax, national insurance and (I think) pension payments.

I agreed this with my ex husband and we didn't go through CSA. He's never increased what he pays and I know he would have had a pay rise over the years!!!

You never ever know what will change in the future so I would say to protect the children, I would go through the CSA for maintenance arrangements.

Other than that, keep it as amicable as you can - a solicitor told me I could get the house, his pension, all the belongings etc as I had a child. I didn't want any of this so we split the house proceeds and belongings and I have not, and will not, touch his pension.

Your children are very young hun, protect them and yourself, but solicitors are greedy and will encourage you to be the same.
 
#16
Also from his point of view if he doesn't pay maintenance now and your circumstances change and the CSA get involved he will HAVE to pay the back payments!
Tell him he needs to protect himself too.
My brother had an agreement with his ex, paid cash, she didn't tell DSS so now he has to back pay her, in effect he's paid TWICE! no proof of any payments you see!
 


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