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I can't remember what it's like..

S: 25st9lb C: 23st7lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 50 Loss: 2st2lb(8.36%)
I can't remember what it's like to feel normal. Every day I wake up feeling rough, hurting, aching, feeling low. I am and have been struggling with my weight all my life. Some years I managed better than others where I felt in control, at one time I even felt I had a life - quite a nice, fun filled one at that.

Now, after gaining so much weight to take me over what I consider is normal, I feel trapped, confused and find that I am trapped on the dark side; always thinking of death and how time is running out.

I know there are many reasons for this, I guess growing older and still struggling to control my compulsive eating is now taking its toll physically and mentally.

I walk to work and walk home, and the chest pains I get on walking make me feel as though I will die. I am sure many of the symptoms I feel daily are panic and created because I feel so awful about my weight.

Common sense tells me its because I'm unfit and still very very heavy and haven't really exercised for years. Can anyone tell me when this passes, at what point will I begin to feel that I can move again and walk without thinking I am dying? I find it quite scary and it doesn't help that my panic attacks seem to have come back.

Can you remember when you were very overweight and how you felt? Has it changed being able to lose the bulk of weight?
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Anything But Ordinary
S: 93kg C: 91kg G: 60kg BMI: 37.9 Loss: 2kg(2.15%)
Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You're not alone though, and we're all here to help each other through :)

Before I started losing weight, I was reasonably fit as I did judo once a week. But being a big girl for my weight I relied on my weight for strength, and couldn't move quickly. In fitness training, I'd get out of runs and would be reduced to near tears if we did shuttle runs!

My health was generally good, but I kept secret from everyone that I'd sometimes get chest pains, and feel so frightened. If I ever needed meds and the doctor asked if I had chest pains, I'd be too scared to say I did.

I'm not at my goal yet, but I've lost enough to feel the difference. I am miles fitter, and go out running 4 times a week. A judo coach saw me with my club one day and was gobsmacked! I enjoy clothes shopping now that I can fit into the clothes at the shops my friends go to, and I don't get chest pains at all. It's been a long time coming, and it's not all downhill, but it's been so worth it, and I wish I'd done this when I was younger.

You can definitely do it. You will have that "normal" feeling again, and the best thing is that you'll slide into it, and one morning realise that everything's as you want it.

How about you start a diary? That way you can talk about your feelings and how everything's going. People will be able to give you support too, which is the best bit! People power really helps!

Good luck!

S: 25st9lb C: 23st7lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 50 Loss: 2st2lb(8.36%)
Hey bronski

Thanks very much for responding, it really means a lot when you're new and also as I am, finding it hard to focus on how great things could be sometimes.

You've lost so much from what I can see on your profile and it's inspiring and your post was so positive - it's amazing how acknowledgement can make the world of difference when someone gets where you're coming from because they've had that struggle too. I will start a diary, I did start a blog quite some time ago but have found that I wasn't really updating it - a diary here will work better.

I just wanted to pop my head around the door (as it were) to say thank you, you're appreciated for taking time and noticing a newbie!



Anything But Ordinary
S: 93kg C: 91kg G: 60kg BMI: 37.9 Loss: 2kg(2.15%)
No problem, sweetheart! :) I'm glad it's helped you out a bit. Like you said, it can be hard being new and finding your feet, especially as this is the kind of venture that - sadly - doesn't happen over night. It can be scary and daunting, but with support around you the time will fly by and before you know it you'll be hitting goals left, right and centre!

I find blogs harder to update too, a diary thread always works best. Plus you'll be able to access other forum areas too - the first recipe I ever cooked from scratch was a recipe someone posted - without going between websites.

Let me know when you start a diary, I'd like to see how you get on :)


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