I don't know what to do....

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Anna_B, 11 August 2007 Social URL.

  1. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    I'm feeling a bit at a loss as to what to do. I'm on day 4 of SS & am happy to be on CD. We were out today & my husband (DH) & kids tucked in to lunch. I obviously didn't join them but sat at the park bench quite happily chatting away & making sure babyboy was fed.

    DH then told me that he didn't want me to do CD, said he didn't see why I couldn't do WW as he knew someone at work who lost 5 stone with them or slimming world as someone else lost 2 stone going there. He said at least that way we could still eat out & I could have joined in today. My also daugher said she thought I should eat so I can have meals with them (she's 11).

    I explained if I did it through WW it would take ages for me to lose weight but he said that didn't matter as long as I was loosing. He cant get his head round CD being healthy or a good way of loosing weight even though I've explained it & given him things to read.

    I did CD last year & although he said he was going to be supportive this came up then as well after a while. I did talk to him before starting this time & he said I could do what I wanted but he's really saying now he's not happy.

    I'm not sure what to do.

    Help! :(
     
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  3. missymoo

    missymoo Fed up of being fat

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    Why dont you do 790 that way you can still have a meal with your family. The 790 plan is in your cd book, you aare allowed small portions of certain foods. There are a lot of us on it at the moment and the average loss each month is still 12-14 lbs
     
  4. Linda5111

    Linda5111 I can do this.

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    Hi Ann. can't really tell u what to do,u have to decide what's best for u... i can say that when i first started my oh did'nt like it, he thought it was unhealthy but once he saw the weight coming off fast and that i was healthy, he changed his mind and now he's all for it, wishing u lot's of luck with what ever diet u follow.
     
  5. fatpossum

    fatpossum Silver Member

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    It can be difficult to stick by a decision if those around you are questioning that decision.

    It sounds to me as though your husband and daughter (most likely spurred on by her Dad!) were feeling uncomfortable about the fact that they were eating and you were not. It would have been nicer for them if you too had been joining in (as no doubt you have in the past) and then things could have been the same as always (and that is not what we want, is it?!).

    It is true that people do lose weight on WW but you already knew that and chose to do CD instead. You must have had a good reason for that.

    I think you need to trust your own decision making and be firm. Believe me they will accept you decision if you are sufficiently clear and determined.

    Hang in there old girl - it's 2lbs a week on WW (if you are lucky) whereas on CD it is more likely to be 4lbs or even more!!
     
  6. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    Thanks guys, I appreciate the support. My daughter started complaning about it on day 1, it took DH 4 days before he said anything! They do feel uncomfortable eating when I'm not, I've told them I'm fine with it, that it doesn't bother me but my daughter especially is not happy about it.

    I chose CD because I know it works, it's healthy & it's fast. DH doesn't see why I cant be happy with 1-2 pounds a week.

    It's frustrating
     
  7. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    My heart goes out to you Anna it is a very difficult situation. My hubby has been supportive but only after I explained how it all works - he had reservations to start with re whether it was truly healthy. Although I do feel it is probably not the healthiest way to lose weight for some of us it is the only way! I am sure you probably have but try perhaps try a different tack of acknowledging that there are probably healthier ways but that this is the one that is going to work for you, that it's only for a short period of time so is not likely to cause you any problems long term and ultimately will make you happier?

    Cheers
    Gx
     
  8. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    Thanks, I'll try. My heads in a spin right now. My daughter I can deal with, DH is harder. He's never been keen on it, including the cost which I can understand in part as we only have one wage coming in as I gave up work to look after the kids. I feel really selfish, my daughter is not happy about it, DH is not happy, ho hum.
     
  9. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    my hubby really doesnt like CD either but hes being pretty supportive. i promised him when i started on tuesday that if there were functions or something social going on (or i was struggling and getting moody) then i would do 790 on those days but otherwise, i'll SS. hes pretty happy with that so far as he knows that when it matters, i wont be shying away from time with friends or going out or biting his head off.

    As for the kids...I can understand they feel uncomfy eating without u BUT at 11yrs old...i think she ought to be old enough to have a more technical, indepth explanation about how the diet works. I made sure my 9 yr old understood that not eating is NOT good or effective to lose weight, that it is starvation and dangerous...but that CD isnt starvation etc. i think its also not a bad thing to explain to her how important it is for u to do this. ur health is more important than others thinking u r committing a social taboo.

    maybe u could start having the bars on days u know u r gonna be eating with the kids or take urself away from the dinner table/room entirely. maybe make weekends (if it a special family time) the 2 days u do 790 or whatever. I wouldnt feel uncomfortable about eating in front of someone who wasnt eating if they werent in the room lol.

    quite frankly, if u do something like this...u r meeting them half way and making ur position clear and i reckon thats fair enuff. if ur family isnt prepared to meet YOU halfway then...they need a few lessons in compromise and understanding. i know that sounds harsh but it sounds like u r being a little bullied and ur needs not being taken into account (by ur hubby) the way it should be.

    compromise comes from different people, not just one person buckling under pressure from the masses. be strong and good luck...theres loads of ways u can negotiate this hun. xxxx
     
  10. wannabslim

    wannabslim Gold Member

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    Hey hun, sorry to hear all is not smooth sailing for you at the moment. I agree with some of what others have said- explain that your health in the long term is more important than a couple of months of you not eating. If you are sitting with them its not like you are losing the social side of mealtimes anyway. I wouldn't however tell them that you know its not the healthiest way to lose weight- for some of us it IS the healthiest way. We get all the nutrients we need to be fit and healthy whilst shedding all our fat at the same time in a way our body can handle- thats why the weightloss can vary from person to person- your body loses fat at its own rate. So I reckon just stand firm, remember you are doing this for you, but also for them- your DD surely wants a mum who can be active and have fun with her, and DH committed his life to you and vice versa so surely he would want you to do everything possible to ensure that that commitment lasts as long as physically possible!?

    Good luck hun x
     
  11. skinnymonkey1day

    skinnymonkey1day Silver Member

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    why not do 790? then u can eat out as well. I am back on ss started today really determined.:D dont give up do it for yourself hon.:p
     
  12. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    Dinner was not fun. My daughter wouldn't shut up about it. I talked about 790 but that didn't go down too well either, WW or SW is still being requested. I'm sure they just want some junk in the house & me to do baking & I've not got anything in since I started SS. My daughter is the right weight but DH needs to lose some weight himself although not as much as me. This is not being helped by a friend whose a health visitor saying I should be eating meals because of babyboy. He's 14 months & she said he needs to have someone sitting down & eating with him.

    Feeling very demoralised but still on SS
     
  13. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    i find it shocking ur child and u feel its ok to dictate what diet u do. sounds liek ur hubby and daughter are backing eachother up. i dunno...its entirely up to u but whilst a child should feel heard and that their opinion is valid, i feel thats a whole world away from dictating to the adults. its ur body and ur choice. ur 14 month old son sees them eating anyways at meal times....i cannot see how u not eating would affect him. im not trying to sound hrsh...im just trying to impress on u that if this diet is what u really want and u r totally sure...u need to put ur foot down a bit more. if u feel very easily swayed by ur hubby and daughter tho, maybe it isnt the diet for u. only u can know that but if its the former..i'd stand my ground more. taking on board peoples opinion doesnt have to mean doing everything they say. that goes for our opinions on minis or ur families. do what is right for u, they love u and should try to understand. best of luck with whatever u decide xxxx
     
  14. Lighterlifer

    Lighterlifer turned Weight Watcher!!!

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    Anne my OH constantantly used to say that to me. Whats the point, just eat healthy, and its his words that made me stray so many times. This time Ive told him im not interested and Ive all ready made up my mind so dont remind me where food is cncerned! And this is the strongest Ive been the whole time. Dont let another person who is not in your situation confuse or sway your thoughts hun xx
     
  15. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    I would never let my daughter decide what diet I did. It simply has nothing to do with her. I cant however stop her from talking & the fact DH is sharing her opinion is encouraging her. It's annoying. DH however does have more sway especially as he is paying for it.

    I didn't say I agreed with the health visitor, I'm just saying it's giving DH more reasons not to like CD.

    I also said I'm still on SS.

    I'll stop this thread now.
     
  16. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Can you maybe try a compromise with them? Tell them to give you a month or so on CD. Maybe after that time, theyll be used to it and will see youre doing well and maybe change their opinions on it. Yes WW and SW do work, Ive been on WW and lost an average of a stone a month since January on it but that is higher than WW expect, but it can be done.

    The important thing is to find the diet that suits you and if you feel CD is the way to go then maybe you need to try and make your hubby see exactly what the diet is about, maybe it just appears 'unhealthy' to him as he cant see you can be getting all you need from your shakes.

    If the pressure from him and your daughter is too much then there ARE other options out there, but ultimately it has to be your decision

    Good luck
    *HUGS*
     
  17. fatpossum

    fatpossum Silver Member

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    Eventhough I am now past my first target and can wear a size 10 my husband and daughter watch what I eat like hawks!

    On the occasions when I have fallen off the wagon (which has happened from time to time................!) they are like the voice of my conscience with comments like

    "I thought you were on a diet"

    or

    "Where does that fit into your diet"

    or

    "I didn't know food packs came in that shape and flavour".

    We all have our crosses to bear!
     
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  19. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    i hope u dont think i was being rude. u sounded stressed about it by the tone of ur post and i know what its like to be nagged on this diet. it can be stressful enuff giving up food without others around u disapproving. my tine may have been rude but i meant no offense. i got the impression u were being bullied, and like u said, ur hubby is backing up ur daughter etc so seemed u were be nagged in stereo.

    u sound like u know what u r doing and were obviously just venting, not actiually being bullied. that was my concern. my hubby hates CD as well and he feels "backed up" by some people he has spoken to, articles he has read etc.

    we r both in week one so maybe in a few weeks when they see how well u r doing visually and see how happy u r, they will change their tune a bit. Im hoping for that with my hubby anyways lol. best of luck. xxx
     
  20. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    It' fine Karen :)

    I had a chat with DH last night after the kids had gone to bed. I explained that whilst I appreciate his take on CD as far as I'm concerned my reasons for wanting to do it far outweigh his reasons for disliking it.

    I explained that I didn't want him having to tell the kids that mummy died of an obesity related illness as imagine how they would feel - mummy loved food more than us! With a BMI as high as mine I need to lose a lot to get out of the danger zone & the quicker I do that the better.

    I said I'd chosen CD because it was fast, safe & it works.

    I explained how depressed I feel about my weight & the quicker I lose it the happier I will be.

    I said that whilst I cant make him or our daughter be supportive no matter what they said I'm doing this because I genuinely believe it is the best option for all of us & any short term pain will be far out weighed by the long term benefits of having a slimmer fitter healthier wife & mother. I explained that I hoped he would be supportive as I knew if he changed his take on it then our daughter would follow & see it as totally fine if he did but that was up to him. No amount of complaining was going to change my mine about this being the best option.

    I was very gently & loving in how I put it across & when I'd finished talking he said he would be supportive as he agreed, my reasons for wanting to do CD were much more persuasive than his for wanting me to do WW!!!!!

    So for now at least he is being supportive, I am sure as time passes & he sees the weight falling off, me feeling happier & healthier that he will learn to appreciate the wonders of CD :)
     
  21. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Hi

    Anna, good for you, not an easy conversation to have I would imagine and it sounds like you dealt with it brilliantly. It was a really difficult situation for you. Let's look forward to your forthcoming success on CD and as you say as the weight comes off hopefully this will what convinces them most.

    Good luck with your journey.

    Georgie
    x
     
  22. Anna_B

    Anna_B Silver Member

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    Thank you, it wasn't easy as I felt so selfish but in truth I'm not doing this just for me so I knew it was a conversation we needed to have. Bless him though, he has just got himself a coffee & on his way to the kitchen he asked me if I wanted him to make up my shake!
     
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