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I Feel Like a Fraud

Sean(JSF)

Making it all add up
#1
OK, I know this is daft, but I'm getting 'wobbly' in the Real World.

Anyone who's read my blog on RTM will know that I got into a 'routine' of continued weight loss throughout, and actually had to work on maintaining rather than continuing to lose.

All was good until holiday (having STS for 4 weeks post RTM) then I put on 14lbs over 4 weeks away. Now I know 11st 13lb was really too light for me (I was 15st when I left school, having played a lot of Rugby & other sports, target was 14st).

Since coming home I've settled into a routine and 'lost' a few lbs to get back to 12st 8lb. BUT, and here's the wierd bit, I feel 'heavy' and am getting loads of positive strokes from people who I only see every couple of months. So internally I feel like I've been slipping whilst the World still sees a success. This is a real issue as I feel a fraud!!!!

Should I go back to dieting to get to my lightest weight again? I really have no motivation to do that but can't see an alternative at the moment....

I know I should be happy with where I am. I look better than I did pre holiday (especially around the face which is less gaunt), and TBH I would have bitten your arm off in Jan if you'd ever said I could be 12st (anything) so why do I feel so disappointed with myself?

I guess it's normal, but I've never been here before....

Sorry to vent, no doubt in a day or so I'll feel differently but for now I need to lean on Minimins.

Thanks for listening
 
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Minerva

...we're sinking deeper.
#2
Maybe before you consider dieting or anything excessive like that = which you really don't need... I think you're missing the STRUCTURE and ROUTINE which LL gave you. It's very easy to fall out of habitual behaviour and then it really does all become a mess.
Now, I know your job makes it quite tough to have set times when you do eat - but perhaps have a read back over your blog and see what you did on the more unpredictable days with your packs.
What I've done is actually have rough daily times when I eat my meals. So there's breakfast when I get up. Then Lunch at about 1-2pm. Then 'Tea' at around 4 (very light snack), and Dinner with a light pudding.
Set them out on paper, and assign your own time frames. Go back to planning what you will eat, and on the days when you are out and away from home - take pre-packed lunches with you!
From observing my lovely Boyfriend who also has done LL, and has put on a few stone over the space of about a year (Lost 12! Regained about 3 and a half) - the key is not to fall into the habit of 'snacking'. Throw the snacks out the window and stick to your assigned meal times. Allow yourself the occasional treat of a couple glasses of wine, or the occasional cake on a weekend. But - that is just it... keep them special.

No need for another diet. No need for LL. Just be sensible... And remember - moderation!

:)
 

Foxtrot

Is back in the saddle!
#3
Sean, you have said so yourself, you are terribly competitive especially to yourself. I think you feel as though you are starting to lose again by gaining weight, if that makes sense. Just because you hit an 'impossible to you' weight doesn't mean you have to strive to keep there or below. You comment about your school weight is yelling at me that you have set yourself a competition just to prove you can do more, which isn't always better, especially when the weight becomes too low.

I know you will reason this out in your own head and your own time but it's great that you still come here for those musing moments!
 
#4
reading your post sean was strange - i have been feeling like this over the last couple of weeks...

i keep getting lots of positive comments from people i haven't seen for a while - but i am 7lb heavier than my lightest weight and feel like i am losing control a bit.

i prob do still look ok - i still fit my clothes, but maybe they are getting a bit tighter

i feel a fraud - i'm getting bigger, but noone else can see it - yet

i really don't want to diet - but i can't keep on slowly gaining.

reading your post i want to say: of course you shouldn't diet - you are only a few pounds up and as you said yourself you were looking a bit gaunt so actually you probably are exactly right!

and i should probably say the same thing to myself too

its strange how this stuff can mess with your head isn't it!

sorry, rambled a bit there, and of no help - but wanted you to know i know how you are feeling!

daisy x
 

Sean(JSF)

Making it all add up
#5
Thanks Ladies, I knew you'd understand and knock some sense into me.

I still feel strange when I get the compliments, had a great one this morning as I'm casually dressed at the office and one of my Team was effusive in her praise. I feel the need to tell people that not only am I no longer dieting but am 'eating normally' and in fact putting a bit of weight on. It's almost as if I need to make excuses for them thinking I look good!

Weird!

OK, since posting on Tuesday night I've been away on business again staying in a very nice Country House Hotel in Wiltshire. As I was being entertained I had some wine and a full meal with my client (but I am getting increasingly conscious about food again, so went low-fat (ish) ). That's good to be conscious so long as I don't start to obsess I think?

Long story short, I weighed myself last night (Wednesday routine), and was the same weight as 2 weeks ago 12st 9lb. Still 9lb more than my lightest. I felt OK about this as it wasn't an increase, an means I've STS for the past 3 weeks having lost 5lb on return from holiday.

I think F/T is right, and it's my natural competitive streak trying to push me to achieve more than will necessarily be good for me. The question is how do I readjust my radar? I'm already thinking I 'need' to lose 2lb to get to 12.7 (I've no idea why though)....

Anyway, the reality is I'm sitting here comfortably in my 32" waist trousers and 'M' sized shirt being told how good I look. I really have nothing to be worried about, and no reason to feel 'like a fraud'.

But still.....
 
#6
I still feel strange when I get the compliments, had a great one this morning as I'm casually dressed at the office and one of my Team was effusive in her praise. I feel the need to tell people that not only am I no longer dieting but am 'eating normally' and in fact putting a bit of weight on. It's almost as if I need to make excuses for them thinking I look good!

OMG thats exactly how i am!!!

daisy x
 

Sean(JSF)

Making it all add up
#7
It's good to know it's not just me Daisy! Still doesn't make it easier to explain.

I guess as time passes this all gets easier, our memory of 'big me' fades, and also 'tiny me' I assume...

Is there a stage when you're just 'me'?
 


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