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I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it


Welcome to my weight loss diary!

The name's Charli and I weigh about 16st and I'm 21 years old this Friday.

And I am so unhappy with myself.

I have been a bit fat for my whole life - and by 'a bit fat' I mean a lot fat. I became conscious of my size at about thirteen/fourteen years old and ever since then my weight has been a constant battle. I've gone through periods where I have lost weight and been totally committed to the cause and then stupidly fallen off the wagon and gained it all back.

But I'm not focusing on the negatives. I'm focusing on the positives. I know that there is a woman inside me waiting to blossom; a woman who has her own style, a woman who is confident, a woman who doesn't avoid mirrors and clothes shops and swimming pools. And I'm determined that from today she will emerge victorious.

So there we go! I'm going back to university in a couple of weeks and I'm joining the gym and Weight Watchers when I get there. I'm hoping to get into a really good routine of exercise and university work. My biggest problem is that if I'm not stimulated enough I eat; that's why being at home is such a problem for me - I get bored and I eat and eat and eat.

So there we go. This is my time. I'm no longer going to be the shy little fat girl who has to shop at Evans and can't look at herself in photographs or in the mirror. I'm going to be the woman I want to be, beautiful and confident. Wish me luck :D
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:) Hello Charli, welcome along :)

I can totally relate to you avoiding mirrors and cameras, those points and many others are on my list on my first page of my diary as reasons why i've got to change my lifestyle!

I want to wish you luck, you will receive lots of friendly advice and support on here, we all understand, keep posting, I look forward to chatting to you :)

it isn't always easy, but it is so worth it..keep focused!
Thank you!

So this is day one of the rest of my life. Wooohoo! Will post accountability at the end of the day.

I've just been thinking about why all my attempts to lose weight for good have failed and I think it's because before I was lazy. I wanted a quick fix; I wanted to diet for a day and have my dream body overnight. Not gonna happen. I know now that this is going to take a tremendous amount of commitment and will power on my part. I'm going to have to overcome my food demons: boredom eating, emotional eating, overeating. I have to start seeing food as something totally different now and I'm prepared to do that because the way I've been living for the past few years hasn't done anything for me.

One of the biggest motivating factors for me to lose weight is clothing and fashion. Being a size 18/20 means that either a lot of the clothes I like don't go up to my size or they do but they look hideous on me. When I was younger I was not very fashion conscious so this didn't really bother me so much; I'd just wear big baggy jeans and band t-shirts and be done with it. Now I want to wear pretty dresses without feeling the need to wear tights to cover up my legs. I want to wear a dress with no sleeves without reaching for a cardigan because I hate my arms. In short I want the fashionista in me to come out - it's about time!

Another reason is general self-confidence. I've always been quite popular, always had friends and stuff at school. But I've never really been confident. I've always put up a front, being the joker, the first to make a quip about my weight because if I get there first it somehow makes me invincible. But my self-esteem and my confidence in myself it is almost non-existent. In the past I've let people trample all over me because I haven't felt worthy enough to stand up for myself. I know that higher self-esteem doesn't just come from weight loss but I think this journey will make me love myself that bit more and give me the starting blocks to working on those demons that nag in the back of my head sometimes and tell me I'm not worth it.

And fitness. When I was in secondary school, despite being big, I did a lot of sports (netball, rounders, swimming, etc.) I hated it but I was forced to do it and that at least allowed me to maintain my weight. When I left and went to college I didn't have that push so I stopped doing sports. The same goes for university really. But I joined the gym after Christmas last year and got into a routine and although I didn't enjoy the prospect of going to the gym it wasn't so bad when I got there. One thing I noticed when I was going to the gym regularly is the speed in which I was regaining a sense of being fit. I want that back and then some. I don't think I'm ever going to be a marathon runner or anything like that but I want to be reasonably fit and not get out of breath walking up a flight of stairs.

So yes, just some thoughts from me. Onwards and upwards, eh? :)
Well yesterday was reasonably good!

Breakfast -
A bowl of strawberries with low fat vanilla yogurt

Lunch -
Cod, mixed vegetables and jacket potato w/ 1tbsp coleslaw
Vanilla yogurt

Dinner -
Chicken breast marinated in tomato sauce
1 ryvita wtih guacamole

1 cup of tea with 1 sugar

I kind I've half counted the WW points from what I've managed to glean. I think I need 36 propoints and yesterday came to a bit less than that.

GAH! I want to be back at uni so I can start going to the meetings.

I think I'm not alone when I say that evenings are probably the worst time for me. It's like as soon as it gets dark a switch flicks in my head that tells me I must eat more. It's ridiculous! So I'm going to be working on that today, trying to point out triggers and understand why I seem to be not hungrier at night but more inclined to eat.
Today has been a good day!

Breakfast -
1 bowl of Shreddies with semi-skimmed milk
1 orange

Lunch -
Jacket Potato with tuna surprise + veg
1 low fat Vanilla Yogurt

Dinner -
Quorn Chilli on 2 pitta breads
1 yogurt

Extras -
1 cup of tea with 1 sugar
You're doing really well. The wanting to eat when it gets dark thing is quite normal, it's habit. As you retrain yourself, that feeling will pass. I always used to long for a biscuit every time I had a coffee, because that had become my habit, not because i was hungry.
Well, everything has been going fine!

I've got a big weekend coming up. It's my birthday on Friday so we're going to an all you can eat restaurant on Friday night and then I'm having a party on Saturday night.

I'm going into Birmingham today to see a friend and we'll be going to lunch. I'm going to try and pick the healthiest thing on the menu, though!

I really don't want to be fretting over what I eat on Friday night but I've been telling myself that 'All you can eat' is not a challenge. They have sushi, so I think I'll have that, and salad stuff, and maybe a bit of a treat for dessert.

Saturday night will be drinking more than food, which is probably going to be a lot harder to avoid. But I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches!!

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