I need help. And hugs.

[Blonde Logic]

Hi peeps.

Well, I am having a bit of a pooey time, and I need some support.

There are a lot of things that have been bothering me lately, and I feel like I am struggling a little. It has to do with RTM, and I would have posted it there but felt I would get a better audience here - but I won't discuss food in detail. Other then to say - its a very tricky thing.

I felt so good when I came back from hols and had only gained 3 pounds. Then, the following week - my first TRIGGER week, I gained another pound. I wasn;'t sure if it was left over holiday gain, or trigger week gain or what. This week, last night, I have gained another pound. So, now I know I am doing something wrong and need to really look at what it is, and correct it. That part should be easy enough if its just a matter of not following 'instructions' correctly. If there is some other evil at work - I need to find out what.

What has got me down a bit - is seeing how delicate the balance is - and realising that food is probably going to be an issue for me, for the rest of my life. And that is a bit depressing. I have not had anything "illegal" really - and have been sticking to the foods on RTM guidelines - as loose as they are - but I am getting something wrong, probably portion size - which are by far so small compared to my old life - but still not right. Or I am choosing the wrong things. I am going to re-read my book this weekend to see where I might be going wrong - if I missed something. Its just got me down a little.

I know I have been picking a lot the last couple of weeks - since returning from hols. And I KNOW when I am doing it that I shouldn;t be. But I do it anyway. I know part of the struggle, is some of the pain medicine I use to treat my neck/hip makes me hungry. But I give in so easily, and take a pick at something, I then want to slap myself. Grrrrr.

Take note - abstainance is the EASY part of this diet. RTM is the difficult part.

I find, I realllllly miss that feeling of emptiness in my tummy, and still, 10 weeks into RTM, I am still not really used to or enjoying the feeling of food in my stomach. It makes me nervous, and I worry about regaining everything I lost, which I know realistically would not happen overnight, as a result of too many apples or bananas, etc., but its scary.

I have also been struggling some with my neck. This condition, Cervical Spondylosis, which is an Osteoarthritic Condition and in my case a Degenerative Disc problem - the discs in my neck are disintegrating....3 already gone. Anyway - it has only been on the left side of my neck for some time. Now, it is showing itself on the right side as well. And that worries me. Its so painful, and now with it coming on on the otherside as well, it makes sleeping very difficult and my outlook not so bright. So I feel very tired.

This morning, I woke up to the pain in my hip that comes and goes - presumably osteoarthritis, but awaiting a specialist appointment in January. Typically this is just the early warning sign that in a few days time I will be seized up and on my walking sticks and unable to climb a flight of stairs except on all fours, etc. It sucks.

So - I am just feeling a bit pooey - a bit worried about my arthritis - and a bit scared about this blippen diet. There is so much at stake. Personal happiness above all, and fear of others feeling I have let them down if I don't nail it. See - I am not infallable - I am just as worried and scared as everyone else. <sigh>

Oh, I don't really know what I am saying. Thats probably the pain meds fault! I just know - this is scary. I don't like not knowing why I let a pound a week creep on. But - I am taking action now - I am really going to try to be 110% conscious this week - my plan was lots of exercise but now that does not seem likely - but I really do not want to slip into bad habits.....and its got me nervous. And sad.

I'm tired, sore, confused, and I need a hug.

I really hope KD looks in, as I can always count on good, sensilbe reassuring advice from her.



x

 

[annaphylactic]

Oh honey (((HUGS)))... it sounds like you are really going through it this morning, you poor thing.

I am not in RTM yet, so it's hard for me to understand - but I definitely appreciate that I am still in the easy part of the diet, and am dreading eating again. Scarrrrryyy.

At least you are aware that you put on a pound - in the past I would go up and up by half a stone at a time without really caring - you are obviously much more aware of your actions, feelings, body etc- and it will be holding on to that connection with yourself that will see you through.

I hope you feel better later on - neck wise, emotion wise etc... you can do this - seize control and show that extra pound who's boss

A xx

 

[bekimo]

Hiya BL, first things first, here is a hug just for you.:hug99:

It sounds like you're really going through a horrible time at the moment. And the pain you are in sounds awful. May sound a silly question, and I am sure that you have done this already, but have you spoken to your doctor about changing your meds at all? There must be something that they can do for you honey.

You have and still are a true inspiration to so many people on this forum (myself included) and I want you to know that I am sure that if anyone can turn this all around, it is you. You may have put on a couple of pounds, but RTM is all about learning about eating food again. And you are recognising the fact that you have triggers. That can only be a good thing.

Everyone is bound to have ups and downs along the way. You are not letting anyone down at all. It is a "learning curve".

Think positive honey, I know you'll get to where you want to be!!

And here's another :hug99:for good measure!! (I'll be the blue one. It's freezin in my office!!)

B x

 

[RecoveringChocaholic]

:flowers::flowers::grouphugg: I know the pain gets bad at times & you do well most of the time managing it but human you are

As for the weight gain it is only a couple of pounds & something I know you can sort out quickly

Try to have an easy couple of days with some heat wraps

:vibes::vibes:Thinking of you & sending healing vibes your way

 

[vintella]

hey bl
just wanted to give you a big hug!!
dont forget that it will take time to change our poor food habits, you are doing so well and these little ups and down are what rtm is for so you can learn different ways to manage weight fluctuations that all of us will continue to have for the rest of our lives.
my arthritis has been playing up at the minute as well so i know a little of how you feel keep your self warm, i have taken to having a gentle swim and then a sauna it does seem to help
dont forget how far you've come
ella
x

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hi ladies.

Thanks for your hugs and comments.

Its funny - reading your replys, you are saying the same things I say and have said to others. Yet, when its our own selves, how quickly we forget ur own advice.

LS - I wondered about glycogen - and thats interesting about the first weeks worth - makes sense. I wuld like to think it was just that - but I also have been feeling bloated and full. Trousers are not TIGHT, but snug. So I don't think it could all be that - but that is a good point.

I know there is a learning curve. I guess its just sort of coming off of the high of losing, losing, losing, etc. Maybe its hit me now again - it did in the first week or two - and maybe it is normal to feel doubt/fear/confusion.
Its just so scary. I don't ever want to be where I was again - and I know I won't - but I don't want to always be afraid of food either. If I am able to put a pound a week on eating healthy restricted foods - what willit be like when its all over and I return to the REAL world. I will post on RTM too to discuss this more in depth. Will try to this evening.

I know too, part of me succumbs to paranoia. Everyday at work, I am scrutinsed by a few people who have watched my losses with interest. Now I feel like they are looking to see if I have gained - and that makes me self conscious. Usually it doesnt bother me - and maybe its just because I am down physicially and medicated, etc., maybe today I am just misinterpretting things and should just put it down to having the blues.

Well....thanks so much everyone. I appreciate your comments, a lot.

I will figure it out - I am determined to figure it out! I just don't like these occassional bouts of fear and anxiety!! lol

Well, going to go for a wee walk to keep myhip loose. I'll be back later.

Thanks everyone - all you little stars out there....I love you all for your support and help. XX

 

[pete10141748]

Hope you're feeling better this afternoon BL
I don't have anything to add really, just to say that you've done so well, such an inspiration to so many of us here, and I'd hate to think that you are feeling down about yourself.

And for all you know, gaining back that 1lb could be anything; glycogen, grown more hair, fingernails, toenails, clothes you were wearing, what happened to be in your stomach at that time, some water retension....... the list goes on, so try not to worry hun, and keep reminding yourself of how goshdarn good you look

PS Loving you new sig pic too

PPS one last (((hug))) for you

 

[ladylite]

BL :wave_cry:Hello there big hugs from me - do you remember me.

Dont get down, just look how far you have come - I couldnt believe your piccies you look absolutely fab. Amazinggggggggg

Dont ask about me I afraid I am not a LLifer anymore, in fact, I am not any ...ifer..... at the mo so I know how you feel struggling. But the thing I missed is the help and support on here.

Sending your lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs and love.

M.

Ps have to edit my signature - oooooopppppps

 

[greentea]

BL i dont have any advice to offer but sending a million hugs your way, if anyone can do this, its you!
you have been such an inspiration to me when ive been down and though i cant do it.You will do this, its just a little blip.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[roundrachel]

BL, I'm in week 7 of RTM and really struggling too. Have put ona few lbs in spite of trying to stick to things as best as I can.
This is the really hard part but don't beat yourself up if things go a little wobbly for a week. It's not the end of the world (at least, that's what I try to tell myself)
My jeans were getting tighter so I've gone back on to more packs and less food and this week I lost for the first time in 5 weeks (I've been putting on steadily since I started RTM). It's not easy, but it's manageable. And I guess the realisation that now we're where we want to be, we have to manage our weight and can't lose control.
It's a really difficult time to be in management. There's so much temptation around and the 'one won't hurt' mentality is creeping in from me. But I've nipped it in the bud and am back on track.
You're weight will always fluctuate. It's been so satisfying having week after week of loss. But it'll be ok BL, you'll keep it off.

As for your pain, I know how exhusating it is, having degenrative disc disease myself. The drugs will really take it out of you and your body will try to adjust to everything that's going on.

I won't talk any more. If you want to chat more PM me, I think we're in the same 'place' right now.

Take care and big (but gentle) hugs xxxx

 

[RecoveringChocaholic]

I'm jumping in here
Nice to see you again Lady don't be a stranger

 

[SerenityValley]

*hugs*
I find myself at a loss as to what to say, because I kno that this will be my big struggle and is the one thing I am terrified of. I have no sage advice, no knowledge to pass on - but you do have my thoughts, and support. I am sure that you will get top the bottom of why, and I am sure you will come out the other side, able to maintain and be happy. It's scary as hell just now - but that will get better.

Andy xxx

 

[caz789]

Sorry you are feeling down BL!!

I know exactly where you are coming from. I am terrified of putting on weight. I'm only week 2 of RTM but I can see my portion size is increasing (I keep telling myself it is only salad and a bit of protein) but with Christmas coming up it is a real worry.

You have come soooooooooo far and our bodies do fluctuate. I can't advise whether you are doing anything 'wrong' only suggest that it is a very small gain overall. The fact that you are addressing it now shows that this programme has worked for you.

Keep up the good work and see what the scales say next week. I'm sure that it will balance out in the long run.

 

[emzski]

(((((HUGS)))))))

I am not even at goal weight and it frightens me that I could put the weight back on. You are begin so sensible by following RTM, you are seeing the whole program thru and I am sure that you will nail RTM like you nailed foundation. It is going to take a lot of adjusting for your body and mind to get round eating again. You had no conventional food for A LONG TIME!!!

As I havent done RTM yet I dont know what real advice I can give but I do know that you will find a good control of your eating habits and im 100% sure you wont let weight pile on again.

Could it possible be the exercise you have been doing? Maybe you have gained some muscle? I remember you mentioning doing some exercise.

Anyway I really hope you feel happier soon, go and give yourself a non food treat!! You deserve it!

xxx

 

[Isis]

Hi BL

Just wanted to also send you some ((((hugs))))) and hope that the cruddy feeling passes soon or at least eases.

You always give out such positive and supportive advice on here to everyone and I'm sure that other members with experience of RTM will be along very soon ..xxx

 

[brumchick]

Lotsa hugs to you BL.
Losing that safety net of abstinance is bound to be quite scary. But your posts show such insight and self awareness- you have the skills and knowledge to deal with the "scaries".:hug99:

 

[louale]

Hiya BL,

Really not sure how I'm going to help, or don't really have any words of wisdom, as I haven't even started LL yet, but since you've been so so supportive of me, when I've yet to start my journey, I just felt I had to say something.

If you were anything like I am, putting on a couple of llbs just over a weekend, a meal here, a takeaway, basically eating anything that you fancied, without even thinking about how many calories it contained or how many lbs you might put on over the course of the weekend, then a couple of llbs in a a few weeks is pretty amazing really!

Your body has been through so much and I'm sure it's natural to put on a little weight once you come off the shakes, in fact, I'm sure it wouldn't be normal if you didn't.

You've come such a long way and you look totally amazing, it will take you a little while to get the hang of your new lifestyle and your new eating pattern.

Sending you big hugs and you will get there in the end, it will just take a short while for you to get used to how your new amazing body works.

Louale x

 

[louale]

Oooops - had to edit my last post as I sent you "lots of big bugs", instead of "lots of big hugs"!

Louale x

 

[Porgeous]

Hey there BL, sorry to hear you are feeling so down.

Firstly and most importantly, please don't be so harsh on yourself. You have achieved so much and none of us are invincible. This is a huge adventure, a voyage of discovery and we can't get it 100% right 100% of the time, it's just not possible. Moving into maintenance is a time for experimenting and the scales will fluctuate, sometimes in our favour and sometimes not!

I am not familiar with how RTM works but simple mathematics always helped me. As I am sure you know 500 kcals per day more than your body needs will give you a 1lb gain. You mention that you have been picking - would it be worth just adding up the calories in what you are eating for your meals plus the snacks to see what your average calorie intake is?

Sorry if I am stating the obvious, just trying to phathom it out.

Love n hugs
xx

 

[Blonde Logic]

Thank you everyone....thanks so much for your support.

I've been drifting in and out tonight cause of my pain meds....so just off to bed now, but wanted to say thank you. There certainly is a lot of great support, and thoughts, ideas, tips, etc. here - I will have a better, "clearer" look in, in the morning, but I couldn't go to bed without thanking you all for rallying around.

What a great bunch you lot are!!!

Thanks again, and will respond again tomorrow at first opportunity.

XXXX

nite nite