I need to fix myself. Please help!

[sapphirep]

Hi,

I've been reading the forum for a while now but just got round to posting. I really need some help, advice and support.

I've had an unhealthy relationship with food all my life. I have tried really hard to change myself and my attitude towards food and I kept failing, again and again. Now I feel completely demotivated but I know I need to do something before it's too late! I just seem to have absolutely no self-control.

Sometimes I manage to eat healthily but during my 'bad spells', I would eat nothing but ice-cream, chocolate, cakes, cookies and other junk. After a binge, I would feel so bad that I had eaten so much and starve myself the next day by eating nothing, only to end up binging on more sweets later that evening. How long each spell lasts vary but it can be anything from a few days to three or four months. Needless to say, my weight yo-yo like crazy. Once, during a particularly bad spell, I piled on so much weight so quickly that my own mother thought I was pregnant. Luckily though, after the spell ends, I often lose some of the weight again.

Anyway, I was doing quite well until about 4 weeks ago when the current bad spell started. It all started when my partner and I decided that we don't quite have enough money this year to buy lots of x'mas presents so as parts of everyone's presents, we are giving them a hamper of home-made food gifts - chutney, fudge, biscuits, shortbread etc. I bought all the ingredients and did a trial run of each food to see if they are nice enough to be given as gifts. It all went downhill from there. This is the first time ever that I'm making home-made food gifts so it is also the first time that there is so much chocolate and sugar and butter in my flat!

My life at the moment goes something like this: I would bake or make something that is supposed to be a gift! But then the smell of freshly baked biscuits or freshly made fudge would push me over the edge and I'd scoff the lot. Then I would make a mad dash to buy some more ingredients, re-bake the biscuits and scoff most of the lot again until I felt sick! I made fudge yesterday so all I ate yesterday was 5lbs of fudge and nothing else. The day before that was chocolate chunk shortbread, so, again, 40 odd shortbread was all I had. This has been happening daily for nearly 4 weeks now. I feel terrible, bloated and unhealthy. I haven't been to the loo in... probably over a week. I look terrible. I need to pull myself together and get over this. :cry:

The freshly baked biscuits are just so darn tempting though! Oh well, at least I know the gifts are nice...

This morning I woke up and I felt so terrible and exhausted. I went to the bathroom and my face is all blotchy and swollen looking. I'm determined to do something about it and change. But I'm also worried that I won't be able to. I'm really hoping that this forum would be able to help me sort myself out.

 

[Lisamac30]

Hi There

Have you been to your doctors for any help? I'm just thinking that there must be a reason behind the way you eat, and maybe if you can identify that and work towards rectifying that, the food/eating may be easier to tackle..?!

There have been things in my past that had definately affected the way I ate (comfort eating mostly when things went/go wrong) - I'm not completely cured of it now, but I would say it doesn't last as long, and I am now able to move on after and get back to a more healthier lifestyle instead of saying oh bugger this! and continuing the cycle...

I have had councelling and hypnotherapy to help with it...

All the best I hope you can overcome it - taking the step in recognising its a problem is a big achievement - well done!!

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Hi.
I think you should go to your doctors as they will be able to help you. A friend of mine is exactly the same as you and she has recently been diagnosed with an eating disorder (compulsive over-eating and binge eating disorder)....Im not saying thats what you have but a doctor would be able to help in any case.

Also as it seems to be the xmas presents and making all that food that is causing you such grief at the moment could you perhaps make non-food gifts for your family? I made a hamper for my mum one year and put in a home-made candle,a family photo,a handmade photo frame,seeds to grow her fave flowers,a cheap flowerpot that I'd painted,and loads of other random stuff! Just an idea.

 

[shrinkingannie]

I had bulemia for years and it does sound like you have some disordered traits - firstly scrap the food hamper idea its obviously too strong a trigger and you will spend twice as much money than if you buy some little gifts. Secondly maybe considering seeing you doctor for some advice - best of luck!!

 

[CrazyBrit]

Hi Sapphire

Firstly, you've taken a HUGE step here. Walking into a forum full of strangers and laying out your issue so clearly can't have been easy. Well done!

I concur with much of what other respondents have said: Go see your GP and tell him or her exactly what you've told us. Some NHS Trusts are less helpful than others with overeating disorders, but give it a try. It's a free option, and you're no worse off if they can't help.

I also agree completely with shrinkingannie. You must explain to your other half what's happening with the food gift preparation, and stop doing it. You're not yet at a place where you can resist the baked goods, so don't allow them in the flat. It's costing you more than it should, both financially and the toll it's taking on your health.

I suggest you read my post here about what refined sugar does to your body: http://www.minimins.com/strugglers-restarters/122390-hate-sugar.html#post2126993 - it may help you understand the binge / starve cycle and gain some weapons to defeat it with.

I'd also suggest heading to tickerfactory.com to get yourself a weight-loss ticker set up. Weigh yourself once a week, at the same time and in the same conditions (scales in the same place, wearing the same amount of clothes - or none at all - with the same amount of food in you. For example, I do my weigh-ins at 8am on a Saturday, wearing knickers and t-shirt, before eating or drinking for the day). Scales must be on a flat, level surface to function correctly.

If you don't have scales, get some, or ask a family member to give you some for Christmas. The investment now will pay dividends over the coming year

Might we know your height and weight? Do you have a target that you would like to reach? We'll do everything we can to help you, guaranteed!

 

[Forever Starting Over]

i agree with everything everyone has posted. You need to be honest with your partner in relation to baking not being good for your health. i am very similar and there are times when i just dont cook. I live alone so find its easier to binge. for this reason I keep very little bingeable food in the house. I do have the ingredients to bake but that involves actually taking the time to bake. For you though, you have an excuse to bake but you also have an excuse to not eat them - xmas pressies...but even this is not deterring you. I think you need to find something to break the cycle and move away from the temptation. I know this might sound a bit extreme but it does help me sometimes.....brush you teeth. whenever you are craving, go and brush your teeth. I dont like the taste of food just after ive brushed my teeth. Might help, might not. You do however need to get to the bottom of your cravings. is it boredom? is it anxiety? is it simply bingeing? do speak to a professional. If you can't face your doctor, then there are several confidential helplines you could use. Take care x

 

[tarotwoman]

Hi, Like Sabina I agree with everything everyone else has posted on here and I think it will help if you know why you are doing this.

I tried to find out why I eat too much and I eventually came to the conclusion that it is pure greed. I just love food, sweet, savoury, meals, snacks, the lot!

Once I had admitted to myself that I was greedy (at first this was very hard to admit to) I had to try and think of everything I could to make life as easy as possible to diet. It was hard at first and not just on myself, but anything I could think of I tried, some of the things were

Hubby and teenage kids making the meals - I told them what weights of everything I was allowed and they put it in front of me. If they wanted more of anything, or butter in their mash they did it themselves and I didn't have to see it. More to the point I didn't have any extras like licking spoons.

We had all the usual cakes, biscuits, crisps etc in the house but they were always out of sight and they gave me a yogourt after meals. I never baked.

This may sound daft, but if they left anything on their plates, I made them put it in the bin themselves because on the way to the bin it would have ended up in my mouth, and yes, I can eat cold pizza or a cold roast potato!

I also never missed a meal because I found getting too hungry was one of the worst things I could do coz I would then eat everything in sight and all the high calorie junk foods as they are the quickest and easiest to get at.

Tracey