Hi, I've been reading the forum for a while now but just got round to posting. I really need some help, advice and support. I've had an unhealthy relationship with food all my life. I have tried really hard to change myself and my attitude towards food and I kept failing, again and again. Now I feel completely demotivated but I know I need to do something before it's too late! I just seem to have absolutely no self-control. Sometimes I manage to eat healthily but during my 'bad spells', I would eat nothing but ice-cream, chocolate, cakes, cookies and other junk. After a binge, I would feel so bad that I had eaten so much and starve myself the next day by eating nothing, only to end up binging on more sweets later that evening. How long each spell lasts vary but it can be anything from a few days to three or four months. Needless to say, my weight yo-yo like crazy. Once, during a particularly bad spell, I piled on so much weight so quickly that my own mother thought I was pregnant. Luckily though, after the spell ends, I often lose some of the weight again. Anyway, I was doing quite well until about 4 weeks ago when the current bad spell started. It all started when my partner and I decided that we don't quite have enough money this year to buy lots of x'mas presents so as parts of everyone's presents, we are giving them a hamper of home-made food gifts - chutney, fudge, biscuits, shortbread etc. I bought all the ingredients and did a trial run of each food to see if they are nice enough to be given as gifts. It all went downhill from there. This is the first time ever that I'm making home-made food gifts so it is also the first time that there is so much chocolate and sugar and butter in my flat! My life at the moment goes something like this: I would bake or make something that is supposed to be a gift! But then the smell of freshly baked biscuits or freshly made fudge would push me over the edge and I'd scoff the lot. Then I would make a mad dash to buy some more ingredients, re-bake the biscuits and scoff most of the lot again until I felt sick! I made fudge yesterday so all I ate yesterday was 5lbs of fudge and nothing else. The day before that was chocolate chunk shortbread, so, again, 40 odd shortbread was all I had. This has been happening daily for nearly 4 weeks now. I feel terrible, bloated and unhealthy. I haven't been to the loo in... probably over a week. I look terrible. I need to pull myself together and get over this. :cry: The freshly baked biscuits are just so darn tempting though! Oh well, at least I know the gifts are nice... This morning I woke up and I felt so terrible and exhausted. I went to the bathroom and my face is all blotchy and swollen looking. I'm determined to do something about it and change. But I'm also worried that I won't be able to. I'm really hoping that this forum would be able to help me sort myself out.