I no longer recognise myself. =\

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by SerenityValley, 2 April 2009 Social URL.

  1. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    Not reallly sure how I feel about it. But I don't see "me" in there anymore.

    I always hate dpics of me and thought it was simply because I was fat. Now I'm slim, I still dislike my pics (I don't hate them as much but I guess I still think I'm ugly - no this isn't a request for strokes about my looks).

    Is this how others have felt? Will it get better as my head adjusts to how I look? I had hoped to stop finding it so hard to look at pictures of me.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    I had to adjust too Andy. Quite a lot. Not so much at the end in RTM, but about 3/4 of the way through I really could not identify wiht the me I saw in photos, at all!! was very freaky!

    I felt like everything was out of proportion. My mouth seemed huge, my eyes seemed bigger, I kept taking photos and not recognising myself. It was a trip.

    It will come i time. I think its normal what you are feeling. :)

    x
     
  4. YumyMumy

    YumyMumy Crawling to the finish!

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    I know the feeling hun, 50lbs down and I have to look at myself 3 times in shop windows hehe, just think of it as you hatching out your your chubby egg into a nice handsome slim one :) Its a new person, embrace your hard work for all you got x
     
  5. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    I have a mirror opposite (and a bit high than!!) one of our loos and when I stand up I keep having to do a double take! It's not as bad now but I did squeak at a stranger in the loo with me a couple of times.:eek:
     
  6. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    Andy, I've written and re-written about 4 different posts and can't put down what I'm trying to say, all I can offer is to say that you certainly are not ugly my friend.

    I know you said you didn't make this posts for "strokes about your looks", but honestly, when I look at those photo's I see a happy, confident guy with a nice smile, lovely caring eyes and a strong masculine jawline; all of which are things that I'm sure women are attracted to!

    At the end of the day, there are no magic words or secret method to make someone suddenly love themself; it takes time to learn to accept and love who you are, I know it is contrary to what you said in your post above but something that has helped me a great deal is to take photo's of myself ALL the time.

    I never go anywhere without my camera now. On the bus, walking home from work, getting dressed.... any time I feel a bit of doubt about how I look, I take a picture. It's suprising when you look at the photo's later on, you wonder why you were worried!


    I hope that helped, if only a little.
    Stay strong mate, you are an absolute star and inspiration :)
     
  7. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    *sniggers* - Sorry FT.


    If I can steal Sean's words from earlier as they were so darn good, this could be a case of being human. We are always going to find flaws in how we look: do you think that models are happy with their looks? No, mostly they aren't I'm guessing. So I guess it's now about changing your perceptions of how you look. I.e. before you had a fair enough reason to not like what you saw. Now that reason is not there any more, you have to get your head sorted & learn to love the skin you're in!

    How about instead of focusing on the negative parts of you that you don't like, try and pick out 5 things that you do like and really take notice of how they make you look great!

    I could say a couple of them now but then it's not about what I think it's about what you think.

    Ooh dear I think I'm rambling :D
     
  8. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    I agree with so much of what has already been said. It all happens so quickly that it does take time for the head to catch up and I remember feeling a little lost and almost like I didn't know myself. I also think some of us have a tendency to always find fault with ourselves and that is true even after we have lost the weight, it's just a different set of flaws that we see.

    Give yourself time sweetheart and keep smiling cos you've got a lovely one xx
     
  9. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Andy you really are a bit of a hunk! Your eyes are amazing - really deep and warm and kind. I'm sure these haven't changed - although maybe seem bigger than before.

    I don't have any answers for you, but I do know that you will learn to love yourself and look beyond the image in the mirror. You have changed in an amazing way and it's going to take time. xx
     
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  10. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Andy I think we all feel like that when we lose a lot of weight. We get so familiar with our larger self. That person has been the only one who understands and knows how we feel and suddenly they're not there! It is sudden too isn't it?
    Even though it seems like a slow process we have been gradually getting bigger and bigger and in denial over many years so it's no wonder we become confused when we see a different person emerge. We won't get to know the new slimmer version overnight.
    I've thought it through so many times it makes sense to me now. Sorry I haven't explained it very well.
    You look slim healthy and fab. Do you remember when you wouldn't even post a photo on here? So things are looking up. Stick with it Andy. I hope acceptance will come. It has for me. I know I'm far from perfect, but I like me again and I'm proud of what I have achieved.You will be too.xx;)
     
  11. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    Thanks guys - too tired just now for a proper reply but anted to thank you all. And probably hit on Thin_inside :lol: Never been called THAT before :eek: :)

    Just wanted to post my ironic picture before I go to bed :)

    [​IMG]
     
  12. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    love the ironic pic!

    I still find it incredibly wierd when I see my reflection. I still pick up clothes three sizes too big to try on in the shops. I See other people and am convinced I'm the biggest in the room on every occasion. I can't get my head around it but I'm told it will change.

    Even silly things like thinking I'll not fit through a space or asking someone to move their chair so I can get behind them even when there's tonnes of room.

    My OH has made one rule and that's that I don't but anything black (apart from one pair of trousers for work!). I'm wearing bright colours (love red) and not blending into the background any more. Still can't get used to it but I'm sure you will.

    You've changed dramatically and it's inevitable you'll not recognise yourself. I don't recognise the person in the before pics, nor do I recognise myself in the mirrior any more. All very confusing isn't it?!
    You look at least 10 years younger, healthier and happier (apart from your Mr Happy pic!) I think it just takes time. You're the slime guy that people look at now and think 'I wish I was that size'. Scary thought isn't it?!
    Keep smiling !!!
     
  13. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I think you meant the slim guy, Rachel! :p
     
  14. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    er yes i did- apologies, it was late!!
     
  15. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    LOL at the pic Andy. I think you need a Mr Miserable t-shirt so you''ll have to put on that gorgeous smile ;).

    Hope you're feeling more positive about yourself today. You truly are a good looking fella. Believe it!
     
  16. bigboy77

    bigboy77 Full Member

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    Andy,

    Great pics and I wouldn't worry about how you're feeling, I'm sure its just your head catching up with the massive changes that have happened to your body.

    Just to touch on the whole not happy with yourself issue. I've learnt with experience its all about how you conduct yourself and how other people perceive you, I think sometimes you can radiate uglyness if that makes sense. When i was younger I was incredibly insecure and insular, I was bullied terribly as a child and through my teens because i was the quiet kid who was a little bit different. I always had witty and interesting things to say stored in my head but never had the confidence to transfer them to my mouth.

    When I hit 20 or so I just thought what the hell, am going to say what i think at the time and I dare to expose some of my real personality - people started to see a different side to me and I changed for the better, i slowly started to gain a bit of confidence and self-esteem and relaised people were starting to react to me differently, in a more positive way

    Everyone is different and I'm not saying whats happened to me is the way forward for you. But give it a bit of time, and most importantly give yourself some slack, you've done amazingly well and lost an incredible amount of weight in a short time, I'm sure the confidence will come and with it Mrs Right!

    BTW You're not ugly in the slightest, don't ever think that about yourself.

    Good luck for the future mate.
     
  17. susianna

    susianna Full Member

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    You are sooooo not ugly Andy, but I totally understand that this is not about what other's think of you and instead how you feel about yourself. Hope you manage to work through things and grow your self confidence :hug99:.

    x
     
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  19. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    loving the mr happy t- shirt pic andy!

    i think the other advice on here is good and don't really have anything else to add.
    i'm sure you will get used to the 'new' you in time , its such a dramatic change on the outside and in such a short time its not surprising its a bit strange to get used to looking a different bloke every time you look in the mirror

    daisy x
     
  20. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

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    Oh Andy. Hugs to you. I know how you feel(ish). It's strange seeing a new face. A new person in the mirror and I expect that it's so much more extreme for you considering how much weigh you have lost.
    Do not lose sight of the fact that you have changed your whole life here. That was what you aimed to do too! I know you're so much more confident now, but you have to remember that you can't change into a different person overnight. You lost all that weight in such a short period of time, you've just got to catch up to the thin you now.
    You're an amazing person Andy. You've just got to realise that!!

    B x

    PS: Mr Happy t-shirt ROCKS!
     
  21. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    I keep coming back to this, to thank you all and to comment on some of the thngs you've raised, but it's been such a difficult subject that I haven't yet been able to.

    I'll start with a big thank you, to everyone who posted, and to Minerva and Ellie who I chatted with privately. You've all been very helpful. I'm still not there but I'm going to work on acclimitising.

    If I don't thank you directly by name - here's a big thank you and *hug* - I started off with general comments and ended up addressing most people, and I need to post this before I run ou t of time).

    I think the top picture looks slightly more like me. but I can't see anything about me at all in the second pic. Apart from some of the obvious flaws (like my right eyelid - which droops just a tiny bit - I've noticd this for many years). The pic in my sig though does look like me - possibly because it's side on. I was only a few pounds heavier in that pic.

    I've decided it's ok to not recognise myself though; since I hated how I looked so much. That's why I decided to get rid of all my fat pics off facebook (that and I don't want to remind me friends, or let new ones know, how big I was - unless I choose to do so).

    LOL at LS - yes, a shoulder rat would help! Foxtrot, scary place to have a mirror! I don't have any that I can see my whole body in and can't think of anywhere I could put one either. I should work one in somewhere though.

    Thanks Pete, I know it's not easy for blokes to approach a subject like this when it's other blokes. Although I wasn't looking for strokes about my looks, I did get some and yes, they have helped. A friend on msn - I ended up asking her for strokes later that night as I was starting to feel worse about me. She pointed a fair few things out, and I was most appreciative, and I appreciate everyone else for all their thoughts.

    I like the idea of taking more and more pics as part of the desensitising process. And although none of this should hinge on women fancying me, I know that when I have a date or two a lot of these issues will disolve or at least be dampened down.

    Thanks Ellie, I'll try really hard to find 5 things I do like - so that I stop ficussing on the things I don't!

    Porgeous, thank you - I hate my smile but you and a few people have commented on it and it can't be that bad then. I just meed to practice (I have spent my life not smiling - I think - a friend I haven't seen for 20 years commente don it on facebook, so I think I must have been better at smiling once.

    thin_inside, just want to thank you again - really was lovely - and it's helped me deicide to stop deflecting compliments. I'll take you at your word, as in the past (BL can confirm!) I would just deny the compliments.

    Thanks SB, and don't worry - I will be sticking with it - getting to know the stranger in the mirror is scary but it's far better than the devil I knew.

    Its a good rule Rachel, though I will still own some black clothing as I love the colour for t-shirts and not because of "hiding" (though in the last it was). I'm sat wearing a lemon coloired t-shirt :lol:

    I do look younger, healthier, and better and I need to remember that. I've also started to take better care of myself - I use a deep cleansing wash, exfoliating sponge and moisturiser on my face, to clear off a dry kin problem I've been having, and I'm slowly trying to put myself on a course where it's just an automatic thing, to make the best of what I do have.

    I do sometimes walk around and feel huge - until I look down. I also have had to buy food recently and a couple of times had automatic thoughts of shame for being seen buying them (I was buying an easter egg for a girl friend as she'd mentioned that she'd already eaten the one from her mum lol). Then I remembered that I'm not fat and the people seeing me with this small £1 easter egg weren't thinking "hmm, look at that greedy fatty".

    Thanks bb, I'm aiming to do now what you did at 20 - there is no reason why I need to hide under a bushell, or in a corner. I'm getting better at that and feel I've made good and decent friends. People who value me - and I shouldn't be scared to let people see who I am. O always used to be too scared to do this - in case people decided they didn't like me.

    Thanks Daisy and wow - what a gorgeous new picture!

    And finally, Beki. Love you darling. You gave cut through all the crap, reminded me that this is actually what I WANTED. I didn't want to look like the old me.

    Abd you're past the half way mark! Well done! xxx

    Anyway, love to you all xxx
     
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