I keep coming back to this, to thank you all and to comment on some of the thngs you've raised, but it's been such a difficult subject that I haven't yet been able to.
I'll start with a big thank you, to everyone who posted, and to Minerva and Ellie who I chatted with privately. You've all been very helpful. I'm still not there but I'm going to work on acclimitising.
If I don't thank you directly by name - here's a big thank you and *hug* - I started off with general comments and ended up addressing most people, and I need to post this before I run ou t of time).
I think the top picture looks slightly more like me. but I can't see anything about me at all in the second pic. Apart from some of the obvious flaws (like my right eyelid - which droops just a tiny bit - I've noticd this for many years). The pic in my sig though does look like me - possibly because it's side on. I was only a few pounds heavier in that pic.
I've decided it's ok to not recognise myself though; since I hated how I looked so much. That's why I decided to get rid of all my fat pics off facebook (that and I don't want to remind me friends, or let new ones know, how big I was - unless I choose to do so).
LOL at LS - yes, a shoulder rat would help! Foxtrot, scary place to have a mirror! I don't have any that I can see my whole body in and can't think of anywhere I could put one either. I should work one in somewhere though.
Thanks Pete, I know it's not easy for blokes to approach a subject like this when it's other blokes. Although I wasn't looking for strokes about my looks, I did get some and yes, they have helped. A friend on msn - I ended up asking her for strokes later that night as I was starting to feel worse about me. She pointed a fair few things out, and I was most appreciative, and I appreciate everyone else for all their thoughts.
I like the idea of taking more and more pics as part of the desensitising process. And although none of this should hinge on women fancying me, I know that when I have a date or two a lot of these issues will disolve or at least be dampened down.
Thanks Ellie, I'll try really hard to find 5 things I do like - so that I stop ficussing on the things I don't!
Porgeous, thank you - I hate my smile but you and a few people have commented on it and it can't be that bad then. I just meed to practice (I have spent my life not smiling - I think - a friend I haven't seen for 20 years commente don it on facebook, so I think I must have been better at smiling once.
thin_inside, just want to thank you again - really was lovely - and it's helped me deicide to stop deflecting compliments. I'll take you at your word, as in the past (BL can confirm!) I would just deny the compliments.
Thanks SB, and don't worry - I will be sticking with it - getting to know the stranger in the mirror is scary but it's far better than the devil I knew.
Its a good rule Rachel, though I will still own some black clothing as I love the colour for t-shirts and not because of "hiding" (though in the last it was). I'm sat wearing a lemon coloired t-shirt :lol:
I do look younger, healthier, and better and I need to remember that. I've also started to take better care of myself - I use a deep cleansing wash, exfoliating sponge and moisturiser on my face, to clear off a dry kin problem I've been having, and I'm slowly trying to put myself on a course where it's just an automatic thing, to make the best of what I do have.
I do sometimes walk around and feel huge - until I look down. I also have had to buy food recently and a couple of times had automatic thoughts of shame for being seen buying them (I was buying an easter egg for a girl friend as she'd mentioned that she'd already eaten the one from her mum lol). Then I remembered that I'm not fat and the people seeing me with this small £1 easter egg weren't thinking "hmm, look at that greedy fatty".
Thanks bb, I'm aiming to do now what you did at 20 - there is no reason why I need to hide under a bushell, or in a corner. I'm getting better at that and feel I've made good and decent friends. People who value me - and I shouldn't be scared to let people see who I am. O always used to be too scared to do this - in case people decided they didn't like me.
Thanks Daisy and wow - what a gorgeous new picture!
And finally, Beki. Love you darling. You gave cut through all the crap, reminded me that this is actually what I WANTED. I didn't want to look like the old me.
Abd you're past the half way mark! Well done! xxx
Anyway, love to you all xxx