I refuse to be fat for my 30th !!!

[Rolly82]

Hi

Well I'm Laura and I am 29 yrs old. I have resigned myself to the fact I will never be able to eat what I like and not have to work at getting and keeping it off a long time ago. Unfortunately I am surrounded by friends who have the ability to shovel food and drink and never put on so much as an ounce. 3 girlie holidays a year watching them eat as they please in their size 8 bikinis is depressing to say the least, I love them but I could throttle them at times After spending my teens and my early 20's in very active jobs I continued with my pattern of eating and drinking and not realising how the weight creeped on when my job started seeing me sat at a desk day in day out.

I was never a fat child and was always fed with a very healthy diet (my mum never owned a chip pan!) so as soon as I left home and bought my own house I got carried away with the freedom and discovered far too much food and alcohol.

I lost 4 and a half stone in 2008 but cutting out the rubbish following the principals of slimming world and lots of aerobics. I then slipped into the bad habit again of thinking that I could get away with eating what I wanted and not doing as much physical activity. I then gained 2 stone nearly half of what I lost gggrrr.

I chose the CWP as I like the simplicity of it that I don't have to think about what I can eat as my vicious cycle of creeping certain foods back in can't even enter into my mind at the beginning. I aim to lose 3 and half stone and more importantly keep it off!!! I lost 7lb at my first weigh in which I am so pleased about and hopefully the rest will soon come off and more importantly I can keep it off.

It is only when I start to diet that I realise what effect my weight has on me. I love fashion and I have always managed to dress in the latest trends but I find it increasingly difficult and find I pay over the odds for my clothes compared to smaller sizes and choice is limited. I am surrounded by family and friends who love me just as I am and that comfort has given me a false sense of my size for so long. I have to stress that I am doing it for me and no one else, it's that battle in my head that makes me think I can start to slip back into my old ways and I know I can't.

I am in it to win it this time and I refuse to be fat for my 30th next September 2012.

 

[cari71]

Welcome Rolly,

sounds like you've had a great start! 7lbs is amazing!

Are you doing ss or ss+?

xx

 

[Rolly82]

Thanks Cari, I am so pleased with my 7lb day two was a killer but feel great now. I am doing SS

x

 

[Rkmriddell]

Good luck - i'm sure you'll do great... I'm also 30 next year and determined not to be fat for it! x

 

[Rolly82]

Good luck - i'm sure you'll do great... I'm also 30 next year and determined not to be fat for it! x

HI thank you, we will be flirty 30's I am sure of it xx

 

[Rolly82]

Good luck - i'm sure you'll do great... I'm also 30 next year and determined not to be fat for it! x

wow I have just seen your weight loss so far after I replied well done! x

 

[Rkmriddell]

Thanks. Im really pleased

 

[nab]

Hi Rolly,
I think we'r quite similar, i'm 29 as well and want to lose nearly same as your. Good luck with ur weight loss.
Start weight 14st 3lb
WEEK 1 : 8lb
Week 2: 6lb

 

[Rolly82]

Hi Rolly,
I think we'r quite similar, i'm 29 as well and want to lose nearly same as your. Good luck with ur weight loss.
Start weight 14st 3lb
WEEK 1 : 8lb
Week 2: 6lb

Thanks Nab, you have now been added to my stalker list

You are doing great looking at your losses

We can do this 30 is the new 20 xx

 

[Rolly82]

Well day 11 of SS done!

What a crazy day it has been too. I had a job interview today trying to move onto bigger and better things wow what was I thinking putting myself under pressure whilst doing this? I got through to stage two which I am pleased about and I managed to squeeze myself in to one of my old faithful suit dresses, well I kind of poured myself into it. I was considering oiling myself in Vaseline at one stage and jumping into it from the stairs. Cracking dress when stood up but sitting down for a two hour interview is another matter all together. I love this dress so much and this reminded me why I was to do this diet so much my beautiful clothes sat in my wardrobe waiting to be worn again. I should live in a 5 bedroom detached house the amount of money I have spent on clothes over the years it really is a disgrace!!

I also realised how unprepared I am for arranging my eating times throughout the day when my usual routine changes. I struggle to eat breakfast early something I have battled with for years. I have started eating my porridge in work at around 10.30am which I can handle and then soup for lunch around about 3.30pm which keeps me going until my further porridge in the evening (I know boring but so far so good for me). Today really screwed this up for me and I didn't managed to eat anything until about 2pm. I still have to eat my 3rd meal of the day and I am just not hungry, I know I shouldn't complain because this time last week I didn't think I would ever feel anything but hunger for the rest of my days.

I am seeing my CDC on Sunday for my 2nd weigh in and need to stock up on Tetras as I will be taking my Nan for 10 days of radiotherapy starting Monday so I need to not get stuck in the situation I have been in today where my routine has been shot to the proverbial sh!t.

It looks like I will be a creature of habit as I only like chocolate milkshake and I am thinking it is going to become my only tetra option but hey ho, I'm living on porridge and I have managed that!!!

So Friday tomorrow one of my biggest challenge days weekends are tough for me not for hunger but for old bad habits of weekend meaning food and alcohol... well that was the old me and this is the new me who turns up to a weigh in on a Sunday morning fresh as a daisy with no hangover

x

 

[Rolly82]

Off to my second weigh in I haven't got a clue as I don't weigh myself all week I'm excited and nervous. My clothes do feel much looser and I can see my face smaller and my collar bones have re emerged after being well hidden so I just hope I get a minimum of 4lbs or I will be gutted as I really struggled last night battling with myself not to give up.... Fingers and toes crossed.

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[spangles]

Ooh, good luck, petal.

 

[Rolly82]

whoo hoo

Ooh, good luck, petal.

arrrr thanks Spangles.... 5lb off...well chuffed xx

 

[Rolly82]

well weigh in 2 DONE-5lb and I am a happy bunny. I was going hoping I would lose 4lb or I was facing disappointment the fact I lost 5 has put a big smile on my face after a difficult Saturday night last night. I always knew I would find weekend the hardest Saturdays in particular but last night was tough. I went to watch the fireworks and was surrounded by the usual fast food stuff, it's not that the smell was particularly nice or the look of the food for the matter just the whole tradition of a cold night at the fireworks with winter treats was nagging at me. So home I came got out my book (which I have't really read until now) and ate my porridge like a good bear A good think about why I am doing this and the remainder was firmly in place and ready and raring to go for my weigh in this morning.

It helps that my CDC is lovely and so encouraging and she seems genuinely pleased for me when I step on the scales. I would kinda feel guilty if I cheated it would be like I was letting her down too as she has been so supportive so that is a nice added incentive to stay strong.

The thing I like about CD SS is that with other diets such as when I did Slimming World I would have a Monday "treat" basically I would go to my Monday evening weigh in be really pleased with my result and then go and binge on naughty food knowing I had 6 days to starve til the next weigh in. This cycle has now been firmly broken as I love the fact that it makes no odds of it is one chip or a bag of chips I will have ruined all of my hard work. This works for me the all or nothing approach. Something has clicked in my head I have got to do this. Now don't get me wrong I will be having a little break for Christmas and I can't wait but until then it's bye bye 12lb good riddance x

 

[emsiem]

Well done hon going great guns xx

 

[Rolly82]

Well done hon going great guns xx

Thank you xx

Funny how the next CD soup always tastes a bit better on a Sunday after a weigh in lol

x

 

[spangles]

for some of us it genuinely is liberating, to be that polarised about it. you can't have anything, so you don't have room to make bad choices.

i couldn't do this if i was having to exercise control over my food choices. i'm too weak.

 

[Rolly82]

Spangles I couldn't have put it better myself that is EXACTLY how I feel when I have days thinking it's hard I remind myself it really isn't the hardest choice I have to make is what flavour I'm having and when and for me that works. Not got a clue what I will do when I come off ss but I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it... Kinda dreading it to be honest x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Rolly82]

Well done hon going great guns xx

Thank you xx

 

[Rolly82]

So my third Monday has arrived. I asked my CDC yesterday if the pins and needles feeling was common she hadn't come across it before and I told her how I posted it on the forum and had quite a few responses back and some interesting answers so hopefully I am not alone in it, very strange feeling. Not the painful pins and needles just the tingling in my hands and feet you get just before you are about to get the full blown pain of pins and needles. Apparently the general consensus is the reduction of calcium. Might be because I used to drink gallons of tea with milk a day and my body is in shock! lol.

I goes without saying that my biggest enemy is my mind as I have started to get through this journey (apologies for x factor lingo) I have got to know myself more. I have been thinking a lot about my attitude to food and life in general. I have a very strange and underlying fear about weight loss and it is quite personal for me to admit it. In 2008 I lost 4 and a half stone by changing my lifestyle and eating better and moving more. As soon as I got to where I wanted to be I lost my job of 9 years to redundancy. I have reaslised that i have been terrified since putting weight back on that I will lose my job again. I know this is completely irrational and stupid but it niggles me. 2008 was a big year for me I lost all that weight, lost my job and met my now OH. I know I shouldn't associate losing weight with losing my job but I can't help it. I know my redundancy was noting to do with my performance but I can't help associate the two. I have this strange niggle that as I was starting to get one side of my life in order with my weight loss that another side of my life fell apart. With losing my job and meeting my OH with the inevitable contentment I piled the weight back on. Only last night did the penny finally drop when I said the words for the first time ever out loud to my sister I realised how ridiculous this sounds and it has no link whatsoever. Wow that what kind of tough to even admit and type. It sounds silly I know it but it really is a personal fear and I am not one to show my emotions. I have the lovely nickname of being a "vault".

2007/8 was also a crazy couple of years in that it was the first time I had been single for 6 years and bought my own house and lived alone. I had so much fun (some of which I daren't share on here for fear of sounding a slapper) but it was brilliant. I lost weight and thought "oh hello what is this new body I have found" my whole wardrobe changed and my confidence grew. I loved the reaction it got and two occasions will always stick in my mind. An old friend who I had met years ago moved in next door and every day I waved to him it was only after about 5 weeks when he was talking to someone that they pointed out it was me. he was stunned as he didn't even recognise me now that was a feeling I can't describe. 4 and half stone might ot make a huge difference to some people but to me I looked very different I changed everything not only my size but my hair and my style in clothes.
The second occasion was the ultimate YES moment when I was on a night out in town unbeknown to me an ex was stood behind me. He was asking my friend how I had been and where I was. When she pointed out to him that I was stood behind me he couldn't believe it. I will treasure the look on his face for the rest of my days. In all honesty it is probably that look on his face that is spurring me on knowing that I created such a reaction if I could bottle that feeling and sell it i would be a millionaire. yet I have discovered you have to have experienced what it is like to be overweight to know how good that feels. I am doing this for me and no one else. I never want to see the "oh look she piled the weight back on" face on anyone ever again I just want to be me again.

I stand by what I say in that weight loss is one of the hardest challenges anyone can face in life. A smoker doesn't have to smoke to live, a drug addict doesn't have to take drugs to live, an alcoholic doesn't need to drink alcohol to live yet we all must eat everyday to live and for me THAT is the hardest of all addictions to beat.

So here is another Monday, another week and another step closer to getting my life back.
x