I refuse to be fat for my 30th !!!

[Rolly82]

One thing I have learned in life is, people are people, I just chose not to keep in contact with some people, and guess what. I think I outgrew them. I have positive replacements who dont josstle for attention where they once stood.

Anyway - It's totally about the head. CD in it's self is a quick fix, but its what happens afterwards that counts, so the experience needs to be one that extends way after the blender is put away.

I was laughing about your cupboards by the way. My family think I am on strike. Just about to do an ocado shop now as I cant face the supermarket these days. It's all those christmassy goodies. It's too much.

The link to my diary is in my signature, but if you cant see it, it's daily dose of natlosophy.

I am out chica x

hahahaha I can't begin to tell you how long I have been pouring over what to order online for my first "food shop" it took me about 2 hours the other night it's shocking but I suppose with so much spare time on my hands now I can't complain.

It's very true what you say about outgrowing friends sometimes you do wonder their reasons for being so mean and it is only about one person and that is me. I find the whole thing hard in the sense of feeling very selfish even writing a diary as I am ot a "me,me,me" person if that makes sense? I have learnt I need to stop being so apologetic about the fact I am focusing on me from now on and it is my body, my life and I only get one. True friends have supported me and are genuinely pleased and they are the people I want to surround myself with. They haven't tempted me or made me feel left out of any occasion that has involved food which has been an eye opener to how true friends they are

I will have a good read of your diary tonight xx

 

[Rolly82]

Hello I've just mooched my way through your whole diary, you're doing fab! I started cd 10 weeks away from my 30th in a last ditch attempt to not be a fatty at 30! Don't worry about the haaaayters, just keep doing this for yourself and true friends will stand by you. Hayters gonna hate!
I've had a few surprising reactions including a friend who kept trying to force feed me, whats that about! Funnily enough being in ketosis I was genuinely not tempted and made it through without any probs but still jeesh what is it with these people!!!!!

Best of luck xxx

Thanks Violet that's means a lot especially on a day like today when I have the demon thought creeping in which I have not had since week one...stupid head battle ggggrrrrr. You just put me back in the game

Have you found the thought of being 30 a complete freaky thought or is it just me? I think I view my age like my weight I still think I am 18 in the head and a size 10... Honestly I do wonder if I should be sectioned at times I am deluded!

Congratulations on your results you have done amazingly well and is very inspirational to read you post.

Oh yes the haaayyttteeerrrrsss have well and truly been given a in your face from me I find it all rather sad to be honest I am well prepared for the next onslaught should I end up in a similar situation I was just taken off guard the other day but I have my response all ready with a "is there a reason you would be so nasty or is it more about you than me?" with a nice smile on my face hehehe

xx

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Thanks Violet that's means a lot especially on a day like today when I have the demon thought creeping in which I have not had since week one...stupid head battle ggggrrrrr. You just put me back in the game

Have you found the thought of being 30 a complete freaky thought or is it just me? I think I view my age like my weight I still think I am 18 in the head and a size 10... Honestly I do wonder if I should be sectioned at times I am deluded!

Congratulations on your results you have done amazingly well and is very inspirational to read you post.

Oh yes the haaayyttteeerrrrsss have well and truly been given a in your face from me I find it all rather sad to be honest I am well prepared for the next onslaught should I end up in a similar situation I was just taken off guard the other day but I have my response all ready with a "is there a reason you would be so nasty or is it more about you than me?" with a nice smile on my face hehehe

xx

DOOO IIIIIIT!

You know what honey bee, IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU. No one else, and this diary is for YOu to talk about YOU. Thats what gets us all through this, because to the outside world of people who are either, genetic mutants, or naturally slim (parfff) or who are fat and they just dont care - they may on the face of things understand, but they dont really get it.

Sure, they will comiserate with you and support you while CD is in your life, but what I found (and still do with my husband) is that they will continue to "feed you". I have had it all, boxes of chocolates, of my favourite type (godiva by the way) biscuits brought in and left on my desk, my husband virtually force feeding me HIS food, to the point where I have to physically restrain him. I dont know if thats because they think thats what I want, or do they want me to continue to be an overweight, depressed, lacklustre human being. I have to say that I started to wonder.

I am using this to do some work on ME, and so should YOU.

Your diary is awsome and dont you feel bad for having one, its the best tool in the book.

Also - did you happen to watch desperate scousewives?

 

[Rolly82]

MOG DO NOT TELL ME I HAVE MISSED IT!!!! I thought it started this Monday??? oh no :-( I am going to have to watch it online and then set the sky plus. I can't wait for a good old cringe and sl@g off of them with you too!

hahahaha you know what I am going to say it the second she opens her mouth maybe if she spent more time with her mouth shut she wouldn't be putting food in it and nasty words coming out of it hehehe meeooww

I know you are right about keeping a diary and thanks for the praise I have never even written one as a kid it's just weird banging on about myself I have always been happy to be a bit of a wallflower and go along with what everyone else want. So you're right 2012 is the year of me

I can completely sympathise about the hubby my boyf is just as bad, I know he just wants me to be happy but he seems to think that I am missing out on so much by doing this and infact it is the complete opposite of what will make me happy. You know have you ever thought the hubby might be feeling a tad insecure that you may run off with a stunning toyboy with your new slinky hips lol?

ppff Godiva who needs em hey...we got choc shake !

x

 

[Rolly82]

Hhmmm where to start?

Irratation that’s where…. Am I turning into a nark? It seems so. My poor boyfriend has been getting the sharp end of me lately I just can’t help it. The slightest thing and I over react. I know it is not a rational response to freak out to the point I could happily stab him in the eye with a fork when he forgets to close the bathroom door… it drives me insane at the best of times but to feel like I want to wedge his head in the frame and slam the door is a little far fetched. Bless him I love him to bits but wow he has put up with some crazy behaviour from me lately I can’t believe he hasn’t done a runner on me yet and I can’t say I would blame him if he did. I know irritability is one of the side effects of CD but I have been thinking maybe the CD is just an aspect of it? The whole diet has been a bit of a discovery about myself in the whole “x factor style journey” as it were. I am thinking that it is a combination of the diet and my whole attitude towards myself and life in general. Everything in the last month has been about me and I am starting to think that maybe I am starting to think more about how people treat me and respect me in general. Yes leaving the bathroom door open again isn’t the crime of the century but if I know something annoys someone and they have asked me not to do it time and time again is it a complete lack of respect to ignore that request? Yes it is.

The bathroom door is a tiny thing in a big picture but yesterday I went home and had a 2 hour long rant to my sister about how I am sick and tired about being taken for granted and why do I feel like I give and never get back? I am not saying you should give to receive but I have come across situations lately that have made me stop and think “hang on are they taking the p!ss out of me?” I have a very much open door policy at my house which I have always enjoyed and prided myself on my home being welcome to my friends come rain or shine but do I get the same level in return or am I being taken for granted? I have some fantastic friends who have been supportive to me throughout my life which I am very lucky to say and I adore them and then I have those odd few people who I am starting to think just take advantage. Yes I have always had this little suspicion in the back of my mind but doing the CD and the whole effect it has had on thinking about me alone has started to really grate. I am sat for hours upon hours of listening to b!tching and moaning about such and such a body and how bad their life is and not ONCE do I get asked how I am when I have had without doubt one of the worst years of my life. I may also note that these occasional drop ins of 6 hours of moaning on occasions when they have nothing else to do. Yes we all live busy lives and it is difficult to make arrangements to see one another but being an after thought is not something I am going to put up with anymore.

2012 is the year that I am no longer the soft touch. I am going to start saying yes to things I want to go to because I want to go to them not because I am obliged. I am going to start saying no to being dumped on at the drop of a hat when it suits others. I am not going to feel guilty for saying no coz sure as hell they don’t feel guilty about letting me down. I am going to take the attitude that my time is also precious and I am going to spend it with those I love who make me feel loved and not use.

I have always thought selfishness was an ugly and nasty trait in people and now I am starting to wonder if a little bit of selfishness is not such a bad thing after all…..and maybe just maybe I may start giving my boyf a bit of a break because he has supported me throughout this and I couldn’t have even begun to do it without his support and encouragement. Now I am not saying he can leave the bathroom door open though!

x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Girrrl-friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly no - I was in a blind panic that it was on - and I HAD MISSED IT. I knew you would be a girl after my own heart! But no apparently not, its this week (will be booting my hubby out as he hates anything "screen-ality" like that)

Secondly - here is the thing. When you take food out of the equation, you may find that all sorts of things come bubbling up for you in terms of annoyances, where you may previously have forced the feelings/thoughts bag down with food or drink. I think A LOT of us have this issue. It's not the CD brings out the rage, it's that it is there already, we just dont acknowledge it or act on it.

In terms of people not respecting your space, or feeling that you pride yourself on having an open house - well hello! is that normal? I used to feel the same, then I started to think - no wait, you are rocking up (or calling on the phone) at rediculous o'clock to TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES?! I mean WTF???? I used to think that was also normal, and well, I am here to tell you that it is not. People need to respect boundaries in life. People need to know that you are a person, a person who prides themselves on making their time, their listening ear and their verbal sounding board valuable. I had to totally lay down the law after my last baby was born, because she has never slept through and the phone and door bell endlessly going would wake her up. You know what I noticed? How much less stressful my life is, not having people bouncing up and outstaying their welcome. NOW I make PLANS, I have people over for dinner (even I am not eating persay, I can cook and have some SS+ or 810 foods) I INVITE people around and I feel much better for it.

I had to really work hard on creating boundaries, because I never had any. I thought it was totally normal to be "open house" where anyone could come, abuse my hospitality and go without question...even my own family (who were the worst actually)

I think that was the most recent CD learning curve for me. I only really managed to do it when I moved to my new house, out of my neighbourhood and a good 10 minute car journey away.

One of my sisters even had all her bills re-directed to my house! (after her and her husband staying with me for 4 weeks which turned into a year) they moved out, but their mail still kept coming as DID more - mobile phone contracts the lot!

So I guess what I am saying is this...you are the one at the helm, if it pee's you off leaving the bathroom door open (is he in there when he does that - of so how weird!) then say it, and in the nicest way possible say - look babe, this is just not on - I dont roll with those that pee with the door open, so sort this out. Or words to that effect.

You are doing great - this is opening your eyes and more power to you chick!

 

[spangles]

go girl, with your new resolve.

i have to confess, though, to being a bathroom door open person, unless i'm having a poo. it's just how we were in our family. never realised it was a bad thing...

 

[Rolly82]

wooo hooo ladies 3lb loss today... I was expecting nada!

Will wrote a proper response tomorrow, Sunday night bath time .. ever the child

xx

 

[Rolly82]

Girrrl-friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly no - I was in a blind panic that it was on - and I HAD MISSED IT. I knew you would be a girl after my own heart! But no apparently not, its this week (will be booting my hubby out as he hates anything "screen-ality" like that)

Tonights the night I can't wait for the cringe fest and our analysis of what is going to be without doubt scathing. I am a junk telly addict and not ashamed to admit it. I feel I have met my soul mate in all things "screen-ality" I can't remember my life before this type of utter trash telly. You can't beat a bit of Don't Tell The Bride either for a good laugh at the bridezillas

Secondly - here is the thing. When you take food out of the equation, you may find that all sorts of things come bubbling up for you in terms of annoyances, where you may previously have forced the feelings/thoughts bag down with food or drink. I think A LOT of us have this issue. It's not the CD brings out the rage, it's that it is there already, we just dont acknowledge it or act on it. It really is odd isn't it? if I get called ratty one more time I am going to freak, thus proving the point!

In terms of people not respecting your space, or feeling that you pride yourself on having an open house - well hello! is that normal? I used to feel the same, then I started to think - no wait, you are rocking up (or calling on the phone) at rediculous o'clock to TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES?! I mean WTF???? I used to think that was also normal, and well, I am here to tell you that it is not. People need to respect boundaries in life. People need to know that you are a person, a person who prides themselves on making their time, their listening ear and their verbal sounding board valuable. I had to totally lay down the law after my last baby was born, because she has never slept through and the phone and door bell endlessly going would wake her up. You know what I noticed? How much less stressful my life is, not having people bouncing up and outstaying their welcome. NOW I make PLANS, I have people over for dinner (even I am not eating persay, I can cook and have some SS+ or 810 foods) I INVITE people around and I feel much better for it.

I had to really work hard on creating boundaries, because I never had any. I thought it was totally normal to be "open house" where anyone could come, abuse my hospitality and go without question...even my own family (who were the worst actually)

I think that was the most recent CD learning curve for me. I only really managed to do it when I moved to my new house, out of my neighbourhood and a good 10 minute car journey away.

One of my sisters even had all her bills re-directed to my house! (after her and her husband staying with me for 4 weeks which turned into a year) they moved out, but their mail still kept coming as DID more - mobile phone contracts the lot!

I can't believe some people, wow you have a much stronger resolve than me. I think I would end up changing the locks of I had been in your situation, you will go to heaven. I just I suppose I think people should treat me as I treat them and then you start thinking, hang on what is going on here? I bet the best thing you ever did was move. It just goes to show how much people will make the effort to come and see you if they want to.

So I guess what I am saying is this...you are the one at the helm, if it pee's you off leaving the bathroom door open (is he in there when he does that - of so how weird!) then say it, and in the nicest way possible say - look babe, this is just not on - I dont roll with those that pee with the door open, so sort this out. Or words to that effect.

hahaha he is a strange creature it has to be said. I know you are right I'm going to go for that approach because screaming like a banshee is clearly not working.

You are doing great - this is opening your eyes and more power to you chick!

cheer me dears..... bring on the Desperate Scousewifes can't wait.... and well done you, you are a mother and have so much more to contend with on a daily basis than I with this diet you should be so proud of yourself x

 

[Rolly82]

go girl, with your new resolve.

Thanks Spangles, lets just see how long it lasts until I crack into a big doormat yet again though... hold on that;s the old me

i have to confess, though, to being a bathroom door open person, unless i'm having a poo. it's just how we were in our family. never realised it was a bad thing...

Hhahaha I will let you off, you're a girl and we get the upper hand on what we get the upper hand and do what we like

 

[Rolly82]

hey hey hey is that a little car heading to half way I see? Oh yes it is getting there whoo hoo.

So I am faced with my first big challenge this Friday of which I can't get out of nor do I really want to to be honest. The first Friday of December every year I have to go to a 3 course sit sown black tie charity event with my parents, sister and Nan. I have spoken to my CDC and she has told me straight to go, enjoy it and get straight back onto SS the next day. I won't be drinking alcohol either which I am not too bothered about but the thought of eating is no longer a craving but a bit of a fear, what is that all about?

I am not going to go wild but I am certainly going to go as I fear it may possibly be the last year my nan can go and there is no way I could not go or go and not eat I just couldn't. I know a lot of people have been talking about SS over Christmas and I admire them and I know if I really wanted to then I could but I just can't. Not for the food factor but the whole business of my nan and that is a greater importance to me than CD if that makes me weak than so be it. I would happily SS for christmas day and this Friday and even if I explained to my nan the importance of me losing weight she would understand but I can't do it. She has been very good throughout CD and has stopped cooking for me (well I say cooking microwave cooking and pipes of Pringles is her specialty) even if I have had to repeat approx 15 times an hour that "I can't just have blah blah blah" she has seen how happy I have been and the weight loss is now starting to show I can't have what could potentially be my last christmas with her on SS. There I said it I am going to eat and you know what I will, I will try and throughly enjoy it, not go crazy and get straight back on it Saturday morning.

Now talking of Christmas I better pull my finger out and do some shopping. I went into Liverpool Friday night... bought myself some lovely stuff, wandered past all of the amazing aromas coming out of LaTasca (my fave) and went home empty handed of prezzies....oopppsss put me on the naughty list

x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

3lb! Get in!

Now, I am going to bath, get into my loungin' PJ's and laugh myself silly over the scouse wives with the scouse brows....eughhh, it's a liverpool 1 phenomonen, the brow, with the rollers, it's like hilda ogden meets elizabeth taylor! Gross.

Cant wait!

 

[Rolly82]

Cheers me dears

Lol I'm with you in the pjs at the ready bring on the cringe fest tangetastic fun.... Don't get me started on the whole brows/rollers combo loving the Hilda Taylor I may have to nick that

x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Haha it's yours for the taking, I will have elizabeth ogden.

Now, it was just too much, or was that me?

 

[Rolly82]

Haha it's yours for the taking, I will have elizabeth ogden.

Now, it was just too much, or was that me?

Hi I still can't bring myself to discuss the horrific mess that was Desperate Scousewives I have never been so ashamed and appalled at something on the telly since Keith Chegwin got his bits out on Channel 5 live TV.

Will I be watching next week?.... you know I will hehehe

xx

 

[bettiesrevenge]

How are you getting on chica?

I have had good few days, weighing in on monday but I know I am lacking in water as usual so best go and sort it out.

What's new in Your world?

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Have you been kidnapped by aliens? I hope not x

 

[Kira]

Rolly I hope you haven't been kidnappedby aliens! Just read through your diary and want to know how you're doing.

 

[Alderney]

Hey, keep going you're doing so well. Oh how I wish I was going to be 30 next year and had done this 14 years ago!!! It is certainly life-changing and I can't wipe the smile off my face ....