I Surrender....

[little_mynx]

Gotta get this out of my head!

Last night me and my husband were sat watching TV and started talking about Adele (the singer). My husband said that some designer is being slated as he has said that Adele is fat. I prefer to think of her as curvy. I would not go so far as to say that she is fat. My husband then turned to me and said 'I suppose she isn't really, not compared to you at least'. :cry::cry::cry:

I am absolutely beside myself that my own husband thinks this of me, and I am sorry to say that I immediately went and raided the cake box, biscuit tin and the chocolate stash.

I have been doing really well on my eating plan (slimming world) and have lost 3lb since I started it two weeks ago, and I feel that the events of last night have well and truly rocked the boat and now I am a complete failure! Yet again another diet crashed and burned! What's the point?

He offers me absolutely no support, and always asks for different meals to what I am having making our food budget twice as high as I have to buy food for two different types of menus. I get the impression that he just loves to sit in front of me with a plate of pizza and chips and eat as much cr*p as he likes while I eat meal. It is making my life hell!

I have not been well since Christmas with Flu and Sinusitus and tonight I feel awful, as the whole thing has stirred up my Sinusitus and is making my head tense.

I should give up! :break_diet::break_diet::break_diet:

 

[Samprand]

Oh hun, sounds like you're in a right state. Firstly, well done on the loss! Is it possible your hubby might have been joking? He might not have even realised what he said, men are usually oblivious to this kind of thing. I get the same with my boyfriend - his oh-so-hilarious 1 liners can make me want to either cry my eyes out, never eat ever ever again or stuff myself until I puke. Have you sat down and explained what you need from your hubby? Tell him you need support, and that his comments hurt you. Honesty is best in this kind of situation. Maybe he can get on board with eating the same kind of food as you, it will lower the shopping bill and could encourage him to get fitter xx

 

[Zest for Life]

Don't get mad.
Get even.

Or in your case even better, even slimmer.
Just think right, I'll do this. Sounds like he puts you down, mocks your efforts and purposely tries to sabotage your efforts to loose weight.
Do you work? If you both work, get him do his own meals.
Sorry babe, but he sounds like a prat to me.

Good luck x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[brien77]

have your cry, dust yourself down and then use that anger and upset and challenge it into showing him what a beautiful slim sexy wife HE HAS!!! use the anger as your motivation to exercise, dont turn to food. it wont be easy and u will have your off days but you will have the last laugh. good luck

 

[Poobe]

I am with Karen27. My hubby also used to try and sabotage me - and he too is VERY over weight. One day I lost it, completely went mad on him and told him that from now on he will be responsible for his own food and meals. And it has been like that ever since. The only thing I do for him regarding his food, is when I am at the shops getting groceries, I phone him and ask him if there is anything he wants me to get. If there is something, I buy it and if not then I just shop for myself. I refuse to cook for him (even though I totally suck at cooking) because when I have made an effort to do a good meal, he comes home and has a bowl of cereal over what I made him. So stuff it, I no longer bother with it. He eats what he eats, I eat what I need to eat for myself - and myself only.

And whilst this may sound harsh, but what your hubby did last night sounds to me like a very passive aggressive way of control and manipulation. Been there, done that, got a few shirts and I no longer put up with it. Its been a long, hard and hurtful road to get to this point though. I wish you luck

 

[JackieN]

Mine can be like this :bighug: as for making him separate meals. Don't... Slimming world meals are healthy for everyone he can eat them too or cook his own. Just start cooking for both of you again there are some fab recipes he'll love. Mine all eat homemade burgers, sw chips, beans ( feeling like naughty food but its not) , Chilli, Bolognese, you name it. I make their pizzas now and I have one made on a wrap things like that. My whole family eat sw friendly meals. xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kitsune]

It’s quite possible that he thought he was being funny, but also possible that he’s trying to sabotage you. With my ex, he would do the same thing that your man is doing. He’d eat all sorts of fattening foods in front of me, which was all the more infuriating because he never seemed to put on any weight. Whenever I was trying to lose weight, he’d be offering me crisps and pizza all the time, which drove me mad (I don’t think about these foods until they are waved in my face). Worse, he became really insecure whenever I lost any weight and would get moody any time I wanted to go out. Is it any wonder my weight was all up and down at that time (or any wonder that he's my ex)?

A lot of guys if they are insecure in themselves feel that they need to keep you insecure, because they think that if you suddenly realise how fabulous you are that you’ll go and find someone else. It is a reflection on them, not on you. Deep down, he’s probably afraid that when you reach your ideal weight and start to feel confident and sexy that you’ll feel that he isn’t enough for you. I’ve had lots of friends deal with exactly the same thing.

The unfortunate thing is that even knowing the root cause of this bad behaviour, it is difficult to make him change it. It’s a childish mentality, and he will try to manipulate you even if he’s not aware he’s doing it. The only thing you can do is sit him and try to make him understand that what he says is hurtful and that you really need his help. Try to make him feel involved and valued for his support. Depending on what sort of person he is, this will either work well or will elicit a moody or passive-aggressive response (i.e. ‘how can you say I don’t support you?’).

If he won’t support you, do as the ladies above have said and tell him that he is responsible for his meals and you will make your own. This way, you won’t necessarily have to sit with him while he’s eating his meals, you can go off and have a walk or do a work out. Just get out of his way when he’s eating his unhealthy food if it bothers you. If you ever feel upset, do something that will let you get your emotions out (a punching bag is nice, or some high energy exercise) in a healthy way instead of retreating to the stash. For that matter, try not to keep a stash! I learned the hard way that things I was buying ‘just for visitors’ was an open invitation when I wanted to binge. If it’s not in the house, you can’t get it. If your hubby has to have it, ask him to at least keep it in a place you won’t easily find it.

Most importantly, don’t let anybody take you down! You’re off to a fabulous start, and if you just keep your resolve, you’ll make your target. We’re here to support you, so when you’re feeling down just come on here and have a good old rant! Just remember that you are bright, beautiful and deserve the very best no matter what shape or size you are. If anybody else doesn’t see that, especially the one who is supposed to love and support you, recognise that they have a problem and probably with themselves. Learn to love yourself!

 

[Legomom]

Only you know your hubby. Do you think he's deliberately scuppering your diet? Or is he just a bit oblivious to how hard he's making it?

If its deliberate then give him a good metaphorical kicking!!! That's bordering on abusive behaviour and you nip in the bud ASAP or it just gets worse!!

If he's just a general plonker (like my hubby) then explain in very simple language WHY he's being a divvy. If he persists in his stupidity....... let him starve. Look at it like this....

If you do the shopping and the cooking why is there even pizza in the house?? If the husband wants to eat crap it's fine......As long as he shops for his own rubbish and cooks it himself!! Plate him up a healthy meal and if he refuses it you can freeze it for yourself another day.