I think I'm intentionally self-sabotaging

[RuthG]

I had my fertility appointment on Friday morning, they were really pleased with my weight loss so far, but have said that the course of treatment they were going to commence me on (once I got to a BMI of 35) would be useless, and to try something more invassive, which requires me to lose another 2 stone. i had a planned weekend off the diet, with every intention of getting back on plan on Monday, it;s noow Weds, and I'm still not back on plan, not only that I'm making the most awful food choices I know this is all of my own doing, and I'm happy with that, I'm not having a woe is me post, I'm just worried that somewhere in the back of my mind I'm so scared of going for this treatment that I'm subconciously putting barriers (my weight) in the way? Does that even make sense?

 

[Laura Croft]

Of course, it makes sense. Obviously I can also speak for myself but I know I can eat when I'm happy, sad, scared, fearful, disappointed, excited, nervous, tired, bored, cold, hot, whingy, sick, stressed, embarassed. You name it, I've eaten over it. And then of course there are times that I just want to eat for the sake of it.

I'm learning though to stop trying to deny that I want to eat, and just accept the feelings. I'm learning that just because I want to eat, doesn't mean I need to. Easier said than done though without a doubt!

 

[cazmilligan]

I can totally relate to that! I have be sabotaging myself all my life, its a self preservation thing hun, we do it to protect ourselves, to comfort ourselves and to lay the blame else where, namley our weight, I am terrified that my treatment won't work or they won't give me any, therefore I am also at risk of self sabotage, to "protect2 myself from hurt, humiliation and huge, huge disapointment, if you know what I mean?!
Its the "safe" option but deep, deep down your mind knows that you are scared, worried, etc, so it urges you to "eat" away the blues.
You (we) just have to break the cycle and break through the barriers in out brain.
You have done amazingly well so far, done run scared now, give yourself mini goals and take each day, or even hour, as it comes, I wish you every sucsess in your CM and fertility journey hun, thinking of you xxx

 

[Hoping2LoseBig!!]

That totally makes sense hun, but you have to think about what you really want! You really want this fertility treatment but fear gets the better of you and you need to fight this fear by jumping back on the wagon with your weightloss, if thats what you truely want!
You should think of the loss first then when you get to the goal weight...then think of the fertility treatment because im sure thinking of them both can give you a major overload...try and take one step at a time and it will seem easier and you wont feel your taking on to much...x