Fruitysunshine
Member
Day 2. I have tried LL a few times but only once succeeded by losing a few stone and had to drop off other times due to pressures or medical reasons.
I am so, SO determined to get rid of this disgusting fat. I am breathless a lot of the time. I get out of bed in the morning and can't bend my ankles for a little while and walk like a penguin because they hurt so. I can't wear my lovely lingerie that looks longingly at me every time I open the drawer. I refuse to go swimming which is a huge passion in my life. I can't enjoy sex with DH because I feel totally repulsed at my body. I feel like a whale getting in and out of the car. I get strange looks from people. I can no longer fit in a standard airplane seat. Getting out of the sofa takes a couple of attempts. Getting up the stairs would be comical to watch if it was not so pathetic. Taking medication for High blood pressure should not be part of my life at 38.
I realise that only I can change my life. Only I can get rid of this stuff. Only I can control what goes in my mouth. Only I can fix my skewed thinking in my head so that I can go on in the future and enjoy food of all different types in a responsible, enjoyable way.
I am writing all this down to reiterate to myself what my part is in this.
Today I had to do shopping for my DD's 3rd birthday party tomorrow and it was pure torture. The smell of the bakery was driving my crazy! Picking up food and choosing what to buy was strangely rushed as I just wanted to get out of there. Today I was within millimetres of putting food in my mouth.
DH was fab and talked me through my thought process and eventually I came to the conclusion that my desire to succeed was stronger than my desire for the food.
I want to stay strong. I have to succeed this time but I know I will need support and hope that I can make some friends here who know exactly how hard it is and understand the whole "head" thing.
Can't really think past a few minutes at a time at the moment. Once I get into Ketosis I should be fine.....:fingerscrossed:
Thank you for reading.
I am so, SO determined to get rid of this disgusting fat. I am breathless a lot of the time. I get out of bed in the morning and can't bend my ankles for a little while and walk like a penguin because they hurt so. I can't wear my lovely lingerie that looks longingly at me every time I open the drawer. I refuse to go swimming which is a huge passion in my life. I can't enjoy sex with DH because I feel totally repulsed at my body. I feel like a whale getting in and out of the car. I get strange looks from people. I can no longer fit in a standard airplane seat. Getting out of the sofa takes a couple of attempts. Getting up the stairs would be comical to watch if it was not so pathetic. Taking medication for High blood pressure should not be part of my life at 38.
I realise that only I can change my life. Only I can get rid of this stuff. Only I can control what goes in my mouth. Only I can fix my skewed thinking in my head so that I can go on in the future and enjoy food of all different types in a responsible, enjoyable way.
I am writing all this down to reiterate to myself what my part is in this.
Today I had to do shopping for my DD's 3rd birthday party tomorrow and it was pure torture. The smell of the bakery was driving my crazy! Picking up food and choosing what to buy was strangely rushed as I just wanted to get out of there. Today I was within millimetres of putting food in my mouth.
DH was fab and talked me through my thought process and eventually I came to the conclusion that my desire to succeed was stronger than my desire for the food.
I want to stay strong. I have to succeed this time but I know I will need support and hope that I can make some friends here who know exactly how hard it is and understand the whole "head" thing.
Can't really think past a few minutes at a time at the moment. Once I get into Ketosis I should be fine.....:fingerscrossed:
Thank you for reading.