I'm a Returner

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Returners' started by Fruitysunshine, 11 September 2010 Social URL.

  1. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    Day 2. I have tried LL a few times but only once succeeded by losing a few stone and had to drop off other times due to pressures or medical reasons.

    I am so, SO determined to get rid of this disgusting fat. I am breathless a lot of the time. I get out of bed in the morning and can't bend my ankles for a little while and walk like a penguin because they hurt so. I can't wear my lovely lingerie that looks longingly at me every time I open the drawer. I refuse to go swimming which is a huge passion in my life. I can't enjoy sex with DH because I feel totally repulsed at my body. I feel like a whale getting in and out of the car. I get strange looks from people. I can no longer fit in a standard airplane seat. Getting out of the sofa takes a couple of attempts. Getting up the stairs would be comical to watch if it was not so pathetic. Taking medication for High blood pressure should not be part of my life at 38.

    I realise that only I can change my life. Only I can get rid of this stuff. Only I can control what goes in my mouth. Only I can fix my skewed thinking in my head so that I can go on in the future and enjoy food of all different types in a responsible, enjoyable way.

    I am writing all this down to reiterate to myself what my part is in this.

    Today I had to do shopping for my DD's 3rd birthday party tomorrow and it was pure torture. The smell of the bakery was driving my crazy! Picking up food and choosing what to buy was strangely rushed as I just wanted to get out of there. Today I was within millimetres of putting food in my mouth.

    DH was fab and talked me through my thought process and eventually I came to the conclusion that my desire to succeed was stronger than my desire for the food.

    I want to stay strong. I have to succeed this time but I know I will need support and hope that I can make some friends here who know exactly how hard it is and understand the whole "head" thing.

    Can't really think past a few minutes at a time at the moment. Once I get into Ketosis I should be fine.....:fingerscrossed:
    Thank you for reading.
     
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  3. kathryn B

    kathryn B Full Member

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    Keep going you are doing so well.Im also on day 2 and have done it twice before. Feeling rubbish but know it will be better in a few days. Im trying not to think about previous times this is a new begining!
    Good luck with the party xx
     
  4. Slimseaa

    Slimseaa Silver Member

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    Well done FS, for returning, that is extremely brave in itself. I tooo am a returner & am on day 7. I wish u all the best in improving ur health, by even losing the first stone, u will notice a huge difference in ur health & start gaining more confidence. :)
     
  5. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    Thank you ladies :) Just even knowing somebody is reading my post does not make me feel so isolated.

    Last night for the last couple of hours was a killer as I knew all of DD's party food was out in the kitchen. I had to get DH to make up my evening packs and get water because the temptation to open something and nibble was overwhelming. :17729: BUT I did not seccumb.

    Today I have had a black coffee so far. Dropped DD off to her Grandmas for a few hours before picking her up and taking her back for her birthday lunch where our friends and family are coming.

    The real issue for me right at this point - and I know this is why I am posting just now - is that everyone else is asleep and I have to go to the kitchen and start preparing party food. I want to do it because I always prepare the party food for the kids but I know when I get to the kitchen that the desire to "pick" will be very strong and the negativities will be very loud in my head. It will take strength on my part to ignore the temptation and stay focused. Do I have enough...? Will I slip and take one tiny little bit of something? I think I am in Ketosis now being in day 3 and having the most horrible smell on my breath so to eat anything means I have to do the first few days again and I could not face that just now.

    Focus. I need to focus on something...I need a little goal for today which will help take my mind off food.

    I think I will do a little housework outside the kitchen for half an hour or so. I won't have much more time than that before I really do need to get a shimmy on with food preparation.

    DH would do it in a shot but if I can get through this it will help strengthen me therefore I should do it for myself. :sigh:
     
  6. Beeswax

    Beeswax Tiny dancer

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    Fruity, what brilliant posts. So honest and so, so brave. I think I identified with almost everything you said.

    You sound like you're completely fed up with the way things are and completely ready to take control and kick some b*tt!

    I'm also SO IMPRESSED with you being around food during your first week! :kissass:

    I felt so ill during my first week anyway, I can't imagine what it would have been like if I'd had to handle conventional food.

    This just shows, I think, how brave you are and how strong you can be. You can totally do this, perhaps you weren't ready to go the whole way when you did LL before, but you're here now and you know what you want to change, AND why you want to change it.

    I think your approach of taking it one minute at a time is very wise. Once you're in ketosis it'll all be so much easier! Hang onto that. And please, please - I know how soul-destroying it can be to think about one's weight - but please don't be hard on yourself about it. You're doing SO WELL and you're obviously incredibly strong. :)
     
  7. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hi Fruity,
    I completely agree with Bea & was moved by all the things you wrote in your initial post. For me too, I feel like this is my last chance to change myself to be able to be the person I want to be. The one who says yes to things rather than always thinks oh I can't do that, what would I wear? what would they think?, I'm too fat etc etc.
    Hope you have managed to enjoy the party & overcome the temptations :) Day 2 is tough so good on ya for starting when you knew you had the party planned.

    One of the great thigns about LL is how quickly the weight comes off! Once people start noticing (or even dare I say it we notice ourselves;)) your self confidence grows & your determination to succeed increases even more.

    Hang in there, after week 1 its easy peasy :p

    yoyo
    xx
     
  8. tracyd

    tracyd "I WILL DO THIS"

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    Hi FS and best of luck, really focus and you can do this x
     
  9. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Hun,
    we are all on the same boat. Like the girls above I can completely understand what you are going through. First week is very hard, both phisycally and emotionally. I'm on my day 7 and i feel crap today. I feel bloated and sick. I only managed to stomach two packs so far and i don't really fancy any more. I know it will pass though. And you know it will get better. Just stay strong! What's the alternative? It may sound a bit harsh but think of it.. If you drop out again, you will continue hating the situation (and the body) you're in. Think of all the reasons doing LL makes sense. Think how much more you will enjoy life and live it to the fullest.
    I would urge you not to have such a strong negative thoughts about your weight though.
    If you feel bad about your body, that is a powerful feeling, and by feeling negative you will continue to attract negativity. You will never change your body if you are critical of it. Praise and love every inch of yourself. Only positive thoughts about you will get you on the right path..
    Good luck
    Mags xxx
     
  10. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    :thankyou: for your great support today ladies! It has really helped me through.

    Maaaaaaan am I glad that is over!!! :coffee:

    Today was really tough. I had lots of different food prepared and my guests were tucking in and having a fab time today - which is what I wanted. I had my water and packs through the day and at one point had to leave the house for a few minutes just to get some fresh air and clear my nostrils of food smells for the fear I was close to subconsciously just picking something up to eat! :fear:

    I feel a lot better in my head tonight, perhaps relief that the stress of the day is over. My DD(3) had a lovely, lovely day and everyone was very generous in their gifts to her so seeing her so happy was also a distraction from food for me.:D

    I think knowing now that I have done 3 full days makes me feel that I have achieved something positive - this makes me feel happy! :D

    I keep waiting for my headache to start, which it usually does by now but no sign of it yet. Something that is distracting me though is the random pictures of food that are just flitting in and out of my mind. (Message to self: Issue complaint to Brain HQ for teasing!)

    Still got one more pack to have tonight before I go to bed which I shall do shortly. Then I am going to go upstairs and read my LighterLife magazine before dropping off to sleep.

    A few of you have mentioned that I am too hard on myself about my weight but I don't know what the norm is. I just want it gone..

    Bring on day 4 tomorrow! I'm ready and waiting for ya! :vibes:
     
  11. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Yay Fruity - well done you!
    I can also relate to a lot of the things you said in your first post on here. I too had those health issues and pains in my feet every morning when I woke up and put my foot to the ground. Sometimes I had to hop to loo!
    Last week I was dancing in my sleeveless size 10 dress and stilletos
    My OH said he heard a funny noise a while ago - me running upstairs!
    In June I went to Bulgaria on holiday. I sat in the middle aircraft seat, my seat belt did up with loads to spare, my tray table went down flat, I could get into the aircraft toilet - and close the door!
    I could sit down in there without hitting anything.
    I went swimming in my new turquoise swimsuit.
    I lay on a sun lounger, walked to the shower, had a massage.
    I could go on and on - (you'll get to know me) -
    Every day things still happen that make me thank God for LL.
    It has completely changed my life for the better.
    One other tip that has worked for me -my life used to revolve around food -
    I order my groceries on the internet and get it delivered. It's worth the £4-£5 cost and it saves my time and energy for doing other things and takes away the temptation. RESULT!
    I hope you'll be as lucky as me. GOOD LUCK
     
    Last edited: 12 September 2010
  12. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    Slendababe - what you have achieved is absolutely fantastic! You look lovely in your profile pic and I am inspired by the length of time you have maintained. This is a really huge worry for me - but something to consider closer to the time of RTM.

    Little baby steps ;)
     
  13. Jennifer80

    Jennifer80 Full Member

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    Hi Fruitysunshine! I can relate to everything you have said in your 1st post! I often think i am alone and wonder am i the only one who has these feelings about myself and food. I know im not alone when i come on this forum and see the support you offer one another, its amazing. I am so looking forward to starting again. I am not getting my hopes too high as have failed many times before so im just going to take one week at a time or even one day at a time. xx
     
  14. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    Jennifer it is strange but I thought I was the only one who felt like that too!

    Today has been a bit strange because I have had chronic indigestion most of the day. I rang my Counsellor and she said the only remedy that LL recommends is Rennies original. So will have to find them tomorrow. Not sure why I am getting indigestion. It could be that there is not enough water in it and it's taking too long to get through my band.

    Anyway - I hope when I wake up tomorrow that I will feel better!

    4 days down!
     
  15. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Fruity,
    I hope you are feeling better. So have you got a gastric band?
    How does that work with LL?
    Can you drink the necessary amounts of water?
     
  16. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    Hi Slenda

    Yes, I had a band inserted in February this year and have had two fills but have not lost anything with it. I have to wait 6 months to see the consultant again and my feeling is that in 6 months I could have lost a huge chunk on Lighter Life - If I can stick to it. That is my biggest worry. It is not a problem with Lighter Life as it is generally a liquid diet.

    I can drink the water as now they recommend 1.5-2ltrs a day as a minimum rather than the original 4 ltrs a day.
     
  17. tracyd

    tracyd "I WILL DO THIS"

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    im quite shocked that LL would allow someone with a band to do this diet , or maybe im wrong
     
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  19. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Well good luck Fruity. In 6 months on LL you would lose approx 6 stones (6 dress sizes).
     
  20. Fruitysunshine

    Fruitysunshine Member

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    thank you Slendababe.

    Tracyd - why do you think LL would not allow somebody with a band to go on the plan? You can still eat food with a band but the weight was not coming off the way I hoped it would. GP & LL have no problem with it at all..
     
  21. tracyd

    tracyd "I WILL DO THIS"

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    lol i know you can still eat food with a band, dont know just thought LL would allow it thats all
     
  22. Jennifer80

    Jennifer80 Full Member

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    why :confused:

    Good luck fruity sunshine, just believe in yourself and you'll be able to stick to lighterlife. Believe YOU CAN do it and you will. That's what i have lacked in the past - belief in myself :grouphugg:
     
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