I'm back, and need to lose 2 more stone. I MUST I MUST.
- Thread starter elle2585
- Start date
elle2585
8 t whole wheel of cheese
Hi Folks!
Another year another dieter like me back for more! I know, I know, I am rubbish. I have been ridiculously busy and, aside from Facebook, which is a staple as it's on my phone, my other social network profiles have been forgotten, to the detriment of my weight, which has slowly crept up to around 13st. (This to be confirmed as soon as I have popped out and bought some scales - I left my old ones with my mother.)
I hope everyone is ok. I thought I'd come on and give you all an update on me! ME ME ME
There's lots of things I'm holding inside and I just want to cry sometimes so I'm just going to let it all out on here! Please, if you want a happy day DO NOT READ ON! Haha...
Married life is fantastic and a little bit hard. I find that sometimes I can be quite harsh on Chris, like I'm vying for an argument, and I'm sure that had I not married someone who does not like arguing and avoids it at all costs I would probably have caused a good few massive rows in our short time as Mr & Mrs. I guess it just proves that I have found an angel, although I'm not sure he can say the same about me. I sort of feel like I have such issues confronting people about any issues I have with them or complaining to others about my problems that I bottle them all up inside and take it all out on him over the silliest thing. *Sigh*. Perhaps coming on here and writing my every feeling will help...
Regarding my health, I was transferred to a different consultant late last year and he sent me for another test to help diagnosis. However, he says that everything I ave described and the results of my many MRI scans and my lumbar puncture point towards me having a form of Multiple Sclerosis (there are a few forms of it and, thankfully, mine is not too drastic). Their only 'problem', if we can call it that, in diagnosing me is that although I have multiple scars on my spinal cord which have been the cause of seemingly all of my symptoms so far, I have yet to show scars on my brain and symptoms in other areas that would be caused by these, like problems with my eyesight. I'm not complaining - I'd be quite pleased if my spine was the only bit affected THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
The new doc sent me for a test on 21st Dec where they stuck things on my head and measured my eye's reaction to a moving checkerboard with a star that I had to keep looking at in the middle, although I haven't heard anything back. He has also sent me to discuss treatment on the 10th of Jan as he says I am having symptoms quite often. When he told me this I was feeling absolutely fine. However, at the moment, I am having shooting pains down my spine, burning pains across my shoulders and almost all of the right side of my body is riddled with pins and needles. Yay. I didn't have any symptoms since the Summer, and it sort of gives you the feeling that maybe they wont come back, but I know they probably will when I get pain in my spine, as I did mid December, and I have an awful feeling that this means that more scars are being formed, hence the symptoms that follow. This word may be harsh but it can be a little soul destroying at times. I guess this is worsened by how tired it all makes me feel - I tend to wake up feeling as though I am chained to the bed. My mum still won't accept that it could be anything like MS, and every time I complain of a pain somewhere (which I don't often - no, really, I know I'm a moaner here but I don't usually feel comfortable making everyone aware that I'm in pain or something is troubling me, I'm sure you all know where I'm coming from..!) they'll ask if I've taken a paracetamol. I mean, for goodness sake, WORK IT OUT. Paracetamol doesn't help, THEY KNOW THIS. I guess all I'm after from them is a little understanding and yes, if they don't mind, a bit of sympathy. Nobody talks about it and I've not told anyone. If Chris' parents ask after me and I'm not doing too well he tells them I'm 'suffering with my problems' again. Although to be fair, we haven't told anybody, I just don't want to, so I guess I'm moaning about something stupid again. I just feel a bit trapped and a bit of a complete KN*B at the same time. Argh....
Anyway, further to this, I am desperately broody, but unfortunately Chris and I are having to consider our options as we both have thalassaemia trait, which means that if we conceived naturally our baby would have a 1 in 4 chance of contracting full thalassaemia, which is an AWFUL thing. If we did try for a baby I could have it tested at 12 weeks. However this basically means that I am setting myself up for the possibility of having to consider abortion, something that I just can't even slightly contemplate. It's hard enough for people who don't want/can't cope with a baby and choose to have one, never mind myself, who may need to do it more than once, and do it when actually I want a baby more than anything. And just having a baby and hoping for the best is something that I have thought lots about, but I could never forgive myself knowing that there was a 25% chance this could happen and then having a baby who will suffer and probably die far too young. So. I've looked into it and there is something we can do - we can have IVF with our embryos tested before they are inserted to make sure they do not have thalassaemia. We are going to start the process as soon as possible by visiting our doctor. I am just so frustrated though, although I know that I really can't talk, as many many women have fertility problems. But I won't ever have the ability to just try for a baby naturally. And I'm sort of feeling **** over it, something so easy..... AAAAAARGH. Mindf*ck.
To top it all off, work is VILE at the moment. I guess I'm not too happy at the moment folks. But, onwards and upwards - you can have a moan but sometimes, you've got to do what you've got to do. And part of my doing is losing weight. This is one thing I can control and so I'm bloody well going to.
Two stone loss and my aim is end of March - i'd love to be a natural and healthy 11 stone. As usual I'm just going to eat less and healthier and exercise more. There are suggestions that a healthy diet and exercise will help alleviate my symptoms, which is definitely not a bad thing.
Lastly, I'd like to apologise for having a massive, self centered rant. Bear with me folks! xxx xxx
Another year another dieter like me back for more! I know, I know, I am rubbish. I have been ridiculously busy and, aside from Facebook, which is a staple as it's on my phone, my other social network profiles have been forgotten, to the detriment of my weight, which has slowly crept up to around 13st. (This to be confirmed as soon as I have popped out and bought some scales - I left my old ones with my mother.)
I hope everyone is ok. I thought I'd come on and give you all an update on me! ME ME ME
There's lots of things I'm holding inside and I just want to cry sometimes so I'm just going to let it all out on here! Please, if you want a happy day DO NOT READ ON! Haha...Married life is fantastic and a little bit hard. I find that sometimes I can be quite harsh on Chris, like I'm vying for an argument, and I'm sure that had I not married someone who does not like arguing and avoids it at all costs I would probably have caused a good few massive rows in our short time as Mr & Mrs. I guess it just proves that I have found an angel, although I'm not sure he can say the same about me. I sort of feel like I have such issues confronting people about any issues I have with them or complaining to others about my problems that I bottle them all up inside and take it all out on him over the silliest thing. *Sigh*. Perhaps coming on here and writing my every feeling will help...
Regarding my health, I was transferred to a different consultant late last year and he sent me for another test to help diagnosis. However, he says that everything I ave described and the results of my many MRI scans and my lumbar puncture point towards me having a form of Multiple Sclerosis (there are a few forms of it and, thankfully, mine is not too drastic). Their only 'problem', if we can call it that, in diagnosing me is that although I have multiple scars on my spinal cord which have been the cause of seemingly all of my symptoms so far, I have yet to show scars on my brain and symptoms in other areas that would be caused by these, like problems with my eyesight. I'm not complaining - I'd be quite pleased if my spine was the only bit affected THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
The new doc sent me for a test on 21st Dec where they stuck things on my head and measured my eye's reaction to a moving checkerboard with a star that I had to keep looking at in the middle, although I haven't heard anything back. He has also sent me to discuss treatment on the 10th of Jan as he says I am having symptoms quite often. When he told me this I was feeling absolutely fine. However, at the moment, I am having shooting pains down my spine, burning pains across my shoulders and almost all of the right side of my body is riddled with pins and needles. Yay. I didn't have any symptoms since the Summer, and it sort of gives you the feeling that maybe they wont come back, but I know they probably will when I get pain in my spine, as I did mid December, and I have an awful feeling that this means that more scars are being formed, hence the symptoms that follow. This word may be harsh but it can be a little soul destroying at times. I guess this is worsened by how tired it all makes me feel - I tend to wake up feeling as though I am chained to the bed. My mum still won't accept that it could be anything like MS, and every time I complain of a pain somewhere (which I don't often - no, really, I know I'm a moaner here but I don't usually feel comfortable making everyone aware that I'm in pain or something is troubling me, I'm sure you all know where I'm coming from..!) they'll ask if I've taken a paracetamol. I mean, for goodness sake, WORK IT OUT. Paracetamol doesn't help, THEY KNOW THIS. I guess all I'm after from them is a little understanding and yes, if they don't mind, a bit of sympathy. Nobody talks about it and I've not told anyone. If Chris' parents ask after me and I'm not doing too well he tells them I'm 'suffering with my problems' again. Although to be fair, we haven't told anybody, I just don't want to, so I guess I'm moaning about something stupid again. I just feel a bit trapped and a bit of a complete KN*B at the same time. Argh....
Anyway, further to this, I am desperately broody, but unfortunately Chris and I are having to consider our options as we both have thalassaemia trait, which means that if we conceived naturally our baby would have a 1 in 4 chance of contracting full thalassaemia, which is an AWFUL thing. If we did try for a baby I could have it tested at 12 weeks. However this basically means that I am setting myself up for the possibility of having to consider abortion, something that I just can't even slightly contemplate. It's hard enough for people who don't want/can't cope with a baby and choose to have one, never mind myself, who may need to do it more than once, and do it when actually I want a baby more than anything. And just having a baby and hoping for the best is something that I have thought lots about, but I could never forgive myself knowing that there was a 25% chance this could happen and then having a baby who will suffer and probably die far too young. So. I've looked into it and there is something we can do - we can have IVF with our embryos tested before they are inserted to make sure they do not have thalassaemia. We are going to start the process as soon as possible by visiting our doctor. I am just so frustrated though, although I know that I really can't talk, as many many women have fertility problems. But I won't ever have the ability to just try for a baby naturally. And I'm sort of feeling **** over it, something so easy..... AAAAAARGH. Mindf*ck.
To top it all off, work is VILE at the moment. I guess I'm not too happy at the moment folks. But, onwards and upwards - you can have a moan but sometimes, you've got to do what you've got to do. And part of my doing is losing weight. This is one thing I can control and so I'm bloody well going to.
Two stone loss and my aim is end of March - i'd love to be a natural and healthy 11 stone. As usual I'm just going to eat less and healthier and exercise more. There are suggestions that a healthy diet and exercise will help alleviate my symptoms, which is definitely not a bad thing.
Lastly, I'd like to apologise for having a massive, self centered rant. Bear with me folks! xxx xxx
Gemstone
Here for the Journey
How dare you apologise for a well deserved moan - just glad you are back and honoured that you trust your private thoughts to your mini friends.
Believe me when I say that I can feel the pain (emotional and physical) that comes through your words and I can fully understand that you sometimes feel a little grouchy and picky.
I have something as simple as a recurring back issue and when it cranks up I feel totally at odds with my world and I know I am a pain to be with at times.
I'm loving the positive attitude and the "getting on with it" aspect of your post. I think you are thinking things through very wisely - everyone wants the best for their children born or unborn, so it is good that you have found the posibility of securing a safer way of becoming parents - not the natural way you would hope for but the end justifies doesn't it.
All my good wishes for you in 2012 x
Believe me when I say that I can feel the pain (emotional and physical) that comes through your words and I can fully understand that you sometimes feel a little grouchy and picky.
I have something as simple as a recurring back issue and when it cranks up I feel totally at odds with my world and I know I am a pain to be with at times.
I'm loving the positive attitude and the "getting on with it" aspect of your post. I think you are thinking things through very wisely - everyone wants the best for their children born or unborn, so it is good that you have found the posibility of securing a safer way of becoming parents - not the natural way you would hope for but the end justifies doesn't it.
All my good wishes for you in 2012 x
Taz
Spam Hunter
Rant away, it's your diary and we reading are your friends! I totally understand about the pain, with my condition I can feel fine one day and be in agony the next. The randomness of it makes it unpredictable meaning I can't plan for it and no one really understands it. I find defiance is a good tool
It might be useful to look into 'limiting beliefs', something I only heard about last year. When I learnt about this I'd said there were things I couldn't do and the therapist asked me why I couldn't do them. I told her why and she asked if I could do them before I was diagnosed. To cut the story short, she said that sometimes we are affected by limited beliefs and 'knowing' that we can't do something will prevent us from trying. I like to push my limits with my condition which I sometimes regret the next day and sometimes I'm glad that I did it. The point is, in the sea of restriction there is often more freedom than we realise!
You are a positive person, you will achieve your goals and you have the right attitude. If you are having a bad day then come here and moan away.
Good luck with the IVF x
It might be useful to look into 'limiting beliefs', something I only heard about last year. When I learnt about this I'd said there were things I couldn't do and the therapist asked me why I couldn't do them. I told her why and she asked if I could do them before I was diagnosed. To cut the story short, she said that sometimes we are affected by limited beliefs and 'knowing' that we can't do something will prevent us from trying. I like to push my limits with my condition which I sometimes regret the next day and sometimes I'm glad that I did it. The point is, in the sea of restriction there is often more freedom than we realise!
You are a positive person, you will achieve your goals and you have the right attitude. If you are having a bad day then come here and moan away.
Good luck with the IVF x
Gemstone
Here for the Journey
You are so right Taz. It is the difference between pain and the fear of pain - I have an exercise that I do for myself and with people I work with called "Finding your Inner Owl". You stand with your back to a wall but a good way out from it with your ams outstretched. Turn from your waist as far as you can and point a finger at the wall behind you. Note the place you are pointing at then return to your base position. Next, close your eyes and imagine you are an owl, turn 360 from your waist - go on you can do it - you're an owl! When you have reached your limit check where your finger is pointing - I guarantee you will be surprised at the increased distance you can turn.
Try it - it works. I've never met anyone who hasn't been surprised how much they are self-limiting - some more than others - I've seen huge differences x
Try it - it works. I've never met anyone who hasn't been surprised how much they are self-limiting - some more than others - I've seen huge differences x
elle2585
8 t whole wheel of cheese
Argh, annoying, I wrote a whole comment and then lost it!
Gem I tried that owl thing - such fun! And true say!
How is everybody doing anyway? I feel I have lost a few people who used to read my diary - COME BACK FOLKS! Lol...
Yesterday was ok to be fair. I ate well but succumbed to a cadbury's Freddo. Ah well. Chris and I went for a short-ish walk as it was FREEEEEZING but we climbed up a steep hill and got our heart beats going so not so bad. Plus I did a few exercises before bed so not too bad. Just gotta get my hands on some scales so that I can keep up with my progress!
xx
Gem I tried that owl thing - such fun! And true say!
How is everybody doing anyway? I feel I have lost a few people who used to read my diary - COME BACK FOLKS! Lol...
Yesterday was ok to be fair. I ate well but succumbed to a cadbury's Freddo. Ah well. Chris and I went for a short-ish walk as it was FREEEEEZING but we climbed up a steep hill and got our heart beats going so not so bad. Plus I did a few exercises before bed so not too bad. Just gotta get my hands on some scales so that I can keep up with my progress!
xx
elle2585
8 t whole wheel of cheese
All I'll say is welcome back and regarding missing the place unlike FB due to a always having that on your phone...this place has Iphone and Android apps now ;-) No excuses!
In fact Puggso, I found it the first day I came back. I now have the app on my HTC!
elle2585
8 t whole wheel of cheese
Lol Jim rolling back from the pub. I love that image.
Thanks for that Gem, though I must say I'm currently in town so hope to buy some today.
I had an AWFUL weekend what with celebrating birthdays etc but I've always allowed myself the odd naughty day so I'm not killing myself. Slightly gutted though as I bought myself a ministry of sound work out video and, of course, my right leg has stopped working. I can barely lift it. However luckily I came across a pilates dvd so I'm going to have a go at that tomorrow, see if I can't adjust it to my needs lol x
Thanks for that Gem, though I must say I'm currently in town so hope to buy some today.
I had an AWFUL weekend what with celebrating birthdays etc but I've always allowed myself the odd naughty day so I'm not killing myself. Slightly gutted though as I bought myself a ministry of sound work out video and, of course, my right leg has stopped working. I can barely lift it. However luckily I came across a pilates dvd so I'm going to have a go at that tomorrow, see if I can't adjust it to my needs lol x
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