I'm lost

[EatenMess]

Hiya All,

I don't know how to pull myself back together! I'm always the strong one - the one who always copes with everything.

I've woken up this morning and just cried.

I'm useless, i don't work and have started trying to find work but it's horrendous, i'm sure my size is also going to impeed on any chance i have. As the jobs i go for are customer facing jobs in management and all the vacancies detail along the lines of 'impeccable presentation or takes pride in their appearance'

I've just turned 30, 5 ft4 am over 15 stone now (the heaviest i have ever been) and not worked for 2 years. I'm really letting my children down as we never have the money for nice things, to go out anywhere and do anything.

OH has suffered ill health quite drastically for the last 2 years and in this time he's also had mental health issues and developed a heavy drinking problem - whch i've noticed i'm drinking far to much aswell (although not ona scale where we are drinking during the day, or dependant etc!) Although mental health is no longer an issue, he is on top of the drinking and heis health is being treated we are no longer the fab couple we were! And sadly he's let the self employed business he set up fall apart (but then he didnt really have the option to be able to keep it going!) So thee we are having to claim benefits and i feel so ashamed and like scum....

Personally in my previous job i was well respected, bubbly, confident and loved my job (although not the hours!) something different everyday and was easy to chat to so many different people with different intersts, things to say etc! Now is sit indoors and the highlight of my week is grocery shopping :-(

I'm lost, i no longer know who i am! We moved last year and neither of us know anyone around here, because i'm not confident like i was i do not go out and about meeting people, and sadly i have no family to speak of so feel very alone (family aspect a long story, but i am better off without them - even if that means the only people i have in the world are oh and the kids, and his family i suppose!)

I don't know where to start, what to do and just want to cry and bury my head! I've seen so many people around crumple with depresion and i vow never to sink that low - i just need to pick me up and not sure how.

I don't even know why i'm blabbing on here.......

 

[tranquility]

Because you need to get some of it out of your system and writing it down on here really will help.

Just realising that you need help is a good starting point. Maybe a visit to the doctors to discuss all of the above would be a good place to start they may be able to help with some counselling sessions.

Claiming benefits is nothing to be ashamed of that is what they are there for. If you are entitled to claim it say thank you. After all you have paid tax & NI towards it whilst you were working. You could try and find some volunteering work to get you out of the house for a while or even join something like a walking club so that you meet a few new people and help you shed some pound at the same time.

 

[EatenMess]

Thankyou so much - you are right just writing it down releases alot of weight (shoulder weight that is ha ha!)

Not sure about the Dr's....i don't bode well with counselling had to have that for something when i was younger and if you don't get the right counsellor then it can work in the reverse! Pah -

Just thanks for your reply! x

 

[tranquility]

Sometimes you just need to take each day as it comes rather than looking at the future picture. Try and find something positive every day.

 

[JaneN]

Counselling takes a long time to get arranged these days but you can talk to your doctor and look at your options. There is never any pressure to take counselling and if you do go along and don't like it then you can change or stop.

I have had issues of depression recently and had to face up to going along to my GP. He has been wonderful it has to be said and I am a regular monthly back there now, I am receiving the treatment I need but at a pace I'm happy with. The first trip had me come away with vitamin B6 so please don't think they'll shove drugs at you and leave you to it.

Go along and have a chat, it's really not scary and thats what they're there for. Please do look after yourself for the sake of you and your children. ((hugs)) you're not alone x

 

[EatenMess]

Thankyou so so much Jane for sharing that!

You are both probably right......i've got an appointment with the nurse again on Friday (i've been suffering chest infections and breathing probs the last few months and they think i have an allergy / asthma) so i might mention it to her and see who she suggests i see - she's the nicest lady i've met at this practice x

 

[TracyGWill]

I can sympathise with how you feel. I was made redundant three years ago, in my late 40s, and was very overweight and suffering from multiple health problems, which of course I had to fully divulge to potential employers. However, I was back in work within two months, despite everything I had going against me, so just keep positive, start to lose weight as that will make you more confident, even if it's only a small amount, and I'm sure you'll soon find a job. All the best. xxx

 

[EatenMess]

Eugh..so woke up feeling nearly as bad as yesterday...annoyed OH that much that he's gone out to clear his head - although i think it's actually kicked him into the reality that we both need to get a positive frame of mind! And i'm going to have a little chat with the nurse tomorrow at my appointment :-/

So i've decided to set mysefl some goals short and long term, both personally and weight wise! Think i might use this thread as a little blog...(not sure if thats allowed?)

Anyway here goes:

1. Update CV (and get a job!!)
2. Join some exercise classes
3. Find some local mums to meet up with the kids
4. Get involved in as many things at the kids school as possible up until i get work
5. PASS MY DRIVING TEST


1. Slim to a small 16
2. Size 14
3. Size 12
4. Size 10

 

[LollyPop]

Do NOT reward yourself with food
You are NOT a Dog!

I've never seen that quote before... but it makes such perfect sense I love it!
Well done on your list!

 

[EatenMess]

I've never seen that quote before... but it makes such perfect sense I love it!
Well done on your list!

I heard it a few weeks ago and just thought- yep that makes sooo much sense! x

 

[Kate1978]

Hey there, just read your post and wanted to say good for you for getting it off your chest and acknowledging it. I agree, there is no shame in claiming, that's what it's there for.
I really hope you start to feel better soon, and when you need a rant go for it, it does help getting it all out. X

 

[EatenMess]

Hey there, just read your post and wanted to say good for you for getting it off your chest and acknowledging it. I agree, there is no shame in claiming, that's what it's there for.
I really hope you start to feel better soon, and when you need a rant go for it, it does help getting it all out. X

Thankyou so so so much! I'm at the nurses tomorrow (couldnt go Friday) so may have a little chat with her, i'm feeling much better at the moment, but that could easily slide.....xxx

 

[Kate1978]

Well we will all be here if you do, although nobody feels exactly like you, I'm sure a lot of us can empathise, so much goes hand in hand.
Let us know how you get on x

 

[AliGal]

I'm glad you are feeling better - and also glad you posted here. I hope your meeting with the nurse goes well and you are able to talk with her. I just wanted to post to say that I'm sending you positive thoughts.

Thinking about positive attitudes, one thing way I shift focus when low is to write down things I am grateful for. You have to have enough energy to do - so it's not a tip for a day when you can't get out of bed!

The idea is to acknowledge 3-5 things a day. In fact you don't have to do it daily - several days a week also works well. It can be small things - seeing a ladybird or having a nice hot drink, or big things - someone one loves saying they love you, or getting a job. I think part of the idea is to notice the special in the everyday mundane things - like the cat curled up on a bed, or a crescent moon, or a warm bath or clean hair. It's helped me appreciate things when everything seemed bleak.

It was interesting here to see that Slimpodders are told to write down 3 positives a day. Do take a look at their positives posts - interesting and helpful.

One other thing I found helpful is FlyLady - who helps you sort your home out 15 minutes at a time. Or 7 mins if 15 seems to much. Really good stuff, especially if you feel in overwhelm. She also encourages us to look after ourselves in pamper missions.

Take care of yourself,

 

[LisaD]

'The idea is to acknowledge 3-5 things a day. In fact you don't have to do it daily - several days a week also works well. It can be small things - seeing a ladybird or having a nice hot drink'

That's a sweet idea.

When I was unemployed I'd randomly burst into tears. I didn't know why or how to stop it. I had to go on courses with the job centre which made me feel so much worse and angry that I was applying for anything and everything to stop going there. It made me feel better when I got a job. But 2 years later I had to go onto anti-depressants as I feel I needed to talk to someone and to stop being the strong one all the time. It's not the easiest thing talking about it but I'm SO glad you posted, that's a big step. I hope all goes well with the nurse.

I think your goals esp. exercise classes will help.

 

[AliGal]

Nice post, Lisa. I couldn't even get out of bed at one stage. Within 6 weeks of loosing a job in the 1990s I went from highly capable to deeply depressed. I found antidepressants really helpful as it helped me get back on my feet enough to get a part time job. I agree - exercise helps. I walked to and from work and realised afterwards that it had helped me improve my mood too by walking.

 

[EatenMess]

Ladies, thank-you so so much!

MIl always tells me how amazing i am, i have had some extremley traumatic and difficult things to deal with since my mid teens and have always been practically on my own - which i guess what gives me this tough exterior and notion to alwasy be the strong one!

People in Oh's family and circle have often given up, not gotten out of bed for things i've lived through time and time again, and whilst it's nice MIL and his family think i am amazing - i have to make myself realise that i am trying to prove i am that strong when clearly deep down i am not!

I realy appreciate you all sharing your experiences with me and i am loving the idea of 3-5 things daily or every couple of days. I have a food diary set up in the Slimming World section in here so may add that on here, or just keep posting in here!

Having a little wobble today as i need to get my 'refreshed' CV out to jobs i've seen BUT the bloody pc over the weekend has had a few probsand now Mircrosoft Offce is lost, we cannot find the installation cd's and the laptop needs repairing (great timing) so that started to set me off into a bit of a low ebb - so i got up and cleaned the bathroom, tidied the room, got the kids to clean their room and weeded a flower bed - amazing how a little clenaign can lift your mood sometimes!

Once again! Thankyou.....

It's a hard road with no family or friends (ohhh just writing that makes me feel ever so slightly pathetic) but i know i'll regain friends.....


B xx

 

[Kate1978]

Regain friends and find some new ones too x

 

[EatenMess]

You are very right although i think it's more likely i'll make new then regain the old ones somehow! True friends are there for you always no matter what as they say! ;-) xx

 

[Kate1978]

That is very true, you'll know who your true friends are. Please let me know how tomorrow goes, sending you lots of luck and hugs x