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I'm so frustrated!

jabbathehut

This is the last time!!
G: 12st7lb
#1
I could scream. I had a pants week last week and had decided on Monday to ditch the diet because I just kept cheating, and figured that the best thing to do was to take a little time out and start back when my focus returned.
Anyway, woke up yesterday morning and something had clicked again, had a 100% SS day yesterday and a 100% SS+ (4 shakes) day today. I feel like I am back on track.
I so badly want and NEED to make this work. Whilst I am 38 lbs lighter than I was 11 weeks ago, I still have the same again to lose to be considered 'healthy'.
I have a lot of things coming up in the next few weeks socially and will be on and off it a bit. I don't want my life to revolve around food but nor do I want it to exclude it altogether. I suppose I want the best of both worlds. I've gone from 17 stone 3lbs to 14 stone 9, with my personal goal set at 12 stone 7lbs. Right now I'd be happy to achieve 13 something.
I don't really know what the point of this post is but I feel so fed up, annoyed that my 'messing around' has slowed my losses to pathetic ones, frustrated that I can't join my hubby and son for meals, angry that I have such little self control......the list of negative emotions is endless. Right now I don't even feel any pride in my achievements so far, just disappointment at what I could...or indeed SHOULD have achieved by now.
Aaaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :(:cry:
 
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Last edited:

BeckyN

Full Member
S: 16st7lb C: 15st4lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 33.5 Loss: 1st3lb(7.36%)
#2
feel better soon is all I can say, and you've done ace so far x
 

jabbathehut

This is the last time!!
G: 12st7lb
#3
Thanks Becky. I don't know what's wrong with me - I think it's a lack of support thing to be honest. My hubby is away, one of my friends is rather disapproving of the diet and it's only my buddy Andrea who is helping me out right now. I don't see my CDC as she lives 2 hours away - she's the only one around here so no chance of swapping - she posts my stuff every 4 weeks.
I started a diary on here but nobody replied really. When I post on here I don't often get many replies even when I had a big worry - I suppose it sounds like I am throwing my toys from the pram or spitting my dummy out, I genuinely don't mean it to, but I try so hard to give advice and stuff to others that it gets me down at times.
Maybe I am just too needy??!!
 

zofia

Full Member
#4
hello jan
i have just recently joined, and am enjoying this forum so far.
you have done really well loosing the weight, and you are half way there! keep up the good work. and everyone has bad days, scrambling back out of them and keep going is what matters! you can do it chick
 

sumayyah

please try again
S: 23st6lb C: 17st7lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 44.8 Loss: 5st13lb(25.3%)
#5
dont go the route of thinking what could of been, you'll only upset yourself, i know ive done it on many occasions leading to me giving in to the bad voices ( and they like maccy d's, lol )
what matters now is how you go on from here, maybe starting up the daily thread again might be a good thing for people to get more support
 
S: 13st7lb C: 12st13lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.23%)
#6
Well done on your weight loss. What a great achievement. :) I'm on day 3 and I've felt really hungry today. Just trying to keep myself busy. Just think postive. You've lost 38lbs so you can do it. Just ask yourself why you're doing the diet. I've started a diary too. I'll read yours. :)
 
S: 19st0lb C: 15st10lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 35.5 Loss: 3st4lb(17.29%)
#7
Oh hun, sorry you're feeling so crap but well done for getting back on the horse as they say!
I get really hard on myself too at times so sympathise but try to concentrate on how well you have done so far xxx
 

Mifford

Silver Member
S: 16st0lb C: 14st4.5lb G: 13st0lb Loss: 1st9.5lb(10.49%)
#8
38 lbs off in 11 weeks is a looooooong way from pathetic losses! If you look at how much your BMI has come down and what that means for your health its an awesome achievement and you should be very proud of yourself. Going without food for 11 weeks is not as easy as everyone thinks this diet is as anyone here can testify - worth it of course but the easy option it isn't.

Keep going - you are doing so well - and as someone else has said don't look at what you haven't done but feel proud of what you have xx
 

BIG BIRDY

Silver Member
S: 13st5lb C: 13st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 31.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#9
Look at how much you have lost already. Thats an achievement in itself. I understand what you mean about support though. I was on here a couple of years ago and there seemed to be so many people on here interacting, but now it appears that there are so many different diets and forums that everyone is spread so thinly.
I have no support at home either. My CDC is brilliant when I visit her, but I cant expect her to call every day although she is at the end of the phone if need be. I have no support at home at all. Nothing negative, just no one here to busy me along. It has to come from within yourself. I know this time I feel as if I am 'in the zone', like I have been before when the diet worked and I didnt cheat. People have different needs for different things to help them along. I dont need the support and 'yes you can do it' sort of help. Some people do, it depends on what works for you. So no, you are not needy, you just need a different sort of support network. I do think though, that if you are not in the right frame of mind to do this diet then you have to stand back and do something else for a while. It takes such discipline and self control that if you cant feel that you cant give it 100% then you will have to modify it, even doing the 1000kal version for a while, or low carb or whatever suits your eating. I might be wrong in saying this and might get slated for it, but it is how I see this diet. Your head has to be in the right place as it is such a change from the norm. It's too expensive to mess around with. If you were answerable to a GP or someone who would say ok, you've messed up so now you cant have it any more, would you mess up and 'cheat'? I was on diet pills many years ago, and because I sts for 2 weeks they took me off them and I was doing great guns with them, I had just gone on holiday!
I hope you do manage to persevere though, as you have a goal and have done so well so far. I am doing well so far and its only a week...... who can tell how I will be soon? Its adapting and accepting what you can and cant do at the moment. I will be a buddy for you if you would like, as I have no one!
 

BIG BIRDY

Silver Member
S: 13st5lb C: 13st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 31.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#10
That last bit sounded awful. I would like to be a buddy with you, and NOT just because I have no one!!!
 

jabbathehut

This is the last time!!
G: 12st7lb
#11
Thanks everyone.
I know what you mean about having to be in the right frame of mind - I had messed around for 2 weeks and decided on Monday that I wasn't going to waste any more money or effort doing it as I deemed myself as a failure. However, after a good sleep I woke up totally refreshed and back in the zone. Maybe I just needed that 'break' I gave myself? Not just the break allowing food, but the mental break - I am terrible at having high expectations and if I feel that I am failing I tend to just give up.
I so badly want to continue, I feel great when I am 'in the swing' of it all. Having achieved 2 great days now I think I can carry it on. The silly thing is that the stuff I was 'cheating' with wasn't really bad stuff!
Thanks so much for all of your replies, I feel silly now for moaning when we are all facing the same battle.
I think the daily chat is deffo a good idea, I really enjoyed it when I had my 2008 journey.
 

boardwitless

Silver Member
S: 13st13lb G: 12st2lb
#12
Hi Jabba, Firstly, don't make it a condition that other people have to comment on your diary - a lot of people just like to stop in and read without leaving a response so you should not feel that your efforts are being ignored deliberately.
Secondly, your sigs definitely say that you want to get there as soon as possible and that you NEED to do this so try to get back some of the determination that you had when you wrote them down.
Thirdly, begin to read now some of the weight management books that aim to bring the head in line with the body. One tip from one of them when you come across discouragement and begin to think 'it shouldn't be this hard' is to either:
agree and abandon your goal
or respond to those sabotaging thoughts and recognise that they are vey brief. Focus on the short term - even if you have one social occasion every weekend for the next 6 weeks, it's only 6 meals out of 126 so confine your off-plan times to those meals only
As you seem to have motivation at the moment, go with it - every day/meal success is strengthening your motivation further
Good luck and keep on with it
 
#13
Good luck. Stay positive . I did lipotrim last year and for me it was so boring and inflexible i stopped before i got to my goal. Cambridge is so much tastier and more flexible. I eat a small meal every night with my family and i do not feel like i am missing out. Why not try a different step eg 810,for a few days so that you don;t undo all your hard work. You have come so far, you'll regret it if you give up. We're all on here for a reason. sometimes to read , sometimes to contribute, but keep coming - you'll draw strength and at worst it will take your mind off food!!
 

BIG BIRDY

Silver Member
S: 13st5lb C: 13st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 31.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#14
Actually last time I kept a diary/blog. Not many people commented as such, but it was a way of venting each day and letting out how I was feeling. I might start that again as I felt that helped me.
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#15
Jan don't give up just yet, I've been feeling pretty frustrated recently too, I had some food based social events when I first started back on CD, they were totally unavoidable but I decided that I could deal with it one of 2 ways.

1/ I could accept that I might have a bit of a gain, but as long as I get back on it 100% I can really minimise the damage and in the long run I WILL get thinner.

OR

2/ I could just throw in the towel and say s:(d it, it's over, damage is done, no point in carrying on, and gain more than the bit I'd put on with the meal.

For me losing weight is the most important thing so I chose option 1. And had my meal, accepted the gain, then worked hard to reduce it in time for my weigh in. As a result over the course of those 6 or 7 weeks I lost 13lbs. Not the biggest losses by CD standards, but it's 13lbs off, not on. Which had I not carried on 100% on the days where I didn't have a function to attend I would have put 13lbs if not more on.

It was tough being on and off like a yo yo, but when you think how far you've come, it should spur you on. I also found that having the planned down time meant that I felt happier back on the plan because I knew I was still making a difference.

Keep smiling hun, you can do it!!! xxx
 

BeckyN

Full Member
S: 16st7lb C: 15st4lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 33.5 Loss: 1st3lb(7.36%)
#16
Hey JTH, hope you're feeling better kidda
 

trisha

likes to post
#17
Jan your post could have so easily been written by me. I am just the same, so annoyed at myself for messing around and not doing the diet properly, what I have been "cheating" with also isn't that bad. I should have been at goal months ago. This week something finally clicked for me as well - on Tuesday and I have been 100% since I know its early days, but I think I'm finally back in the zone.
 

BIG BIRDY

Silver Member
S: 13st5lb C: 13st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 31.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#18
Trisha,
I think trying to find 'the zone' really helps. I dont know how to find it, what else to call it, but something just clicks. Its like a fierce determination to do this for yourself. No matter what is put in front of you doesnt interest you. I have that now, and I just hope it lasts until the end of this journey!
 

jabbathehut

This is the last time!!
G: 12st7lb
#19
Thanks everyone xxxxx
I am feeling much better today. I had a stern talk with myself last night and put a lot of things into perspective - Yeah, I may be overweight, but I have all I could wish for in my life really.
Hubby is on his way home, probably won't be here til early hours but I've missed him and looking forward to seeing him again. Also had a really good talk with my friend about it all - even tho she isn't a fan of the diet she understands my reasons for it and helped me make sense of my feelings lately.
 

leeds123

Silver Member
#20
aw jan. keep at it, your half way there. i recently had a 5 week break from cd and although it was unplanned and iwas terrified it actually did me the world of good. I maintained and put into practice all my new found willpower and good choices mantra, and i did maintain. its my first proper week back on cd and i think i am in line for a good loss. dont give yourself a hard time, i have accepted that i need breaks and will lose in my own time, and if you can accept that (like surfhunny says) the whole journey will be easier.

as for replies to posts, dont worry about that. i surfed this site for a long time before i started posting as i just needed to read about others. also, its eerily quiet on the boards at the moment and i wish it would pick up as i really rely on this forum for support and help.
 


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