Interesting therapy session today

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Goreygirl, 9 November 2010 Social URL.

  1. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Well i'm just back from my weekly therapy session and am feeling a bit bamboozled. I never know what we are going to discuss before I go in and over the months I've been going the conversation has been wide ranging as we have worked to link up different events and behaviours. Anyway today we were talking about family friction and how that might have affected my behaviours around food. This has been a recurring conversation as we try and work out what binging does for me; what release I get from it that kept me binging over and over again particularly over the last few years leading me to lose control and put on 6 stone in 2 years.

    Meal times when I was growing up were not very pleasant affairs as there would frequently be tension or outright rows between my parents, or we would be on tenderhooks wondering what mood my dad would come in on. So it was usually a "shovel it down and escape" type of affair. Also as I got older (into my teens) I got less willing to sit quietly while my dad dished out his "views" and started arguing back. That started a cycle of my mum and siblings telling me "not to start things/don't answer back/be quiet for the sake of peace" that persisted until my dad died a few years back (we never reconciled and I didn't really speak to him from aged 18 or so).

    So today seemed to be a bit of break through. Bingeing is how I "silence" myself/my emotions. It helps me stuff my instincts/self preservation and a rake of other emotions down (I say instincts because I knew from an early age that allowing my dad to speak to me and the others the way he did unchecked was wrong but I was not allowed defend myself "for the sake of peace).

    So through adulthood if i came across a situation that made me feel threatened / uncomfortable / angry etc I ate .... and as this seemed to work I used it more and more. However over time my "inner self" fought against this silencing more and more so it took more and more food to silence it ... and now here I am .. doing CD :D
     
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  3. polishrose

    polishrose Gold Member

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    That's really interesting.Do you think knowing why you binge will help you stick to CD?
     
  4. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Your CDC sounds great. I am glad you are making great progress sorting all the issues out which hopefully with new comprehension will make your whole thought process with food change forever.

    I don't get any counselling, despite my CDC being an actual form counsellor, so am a bit confused as to when the counselling will start. She did mention last week discussing some of the issues once I go back to eating food, so looks like it's just weigh in and food collection for me for a while longer.
     
  5. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Hi

    This therapist is a private physchotherapist I go to weekly. My CDC is also a qualified addictions counsellor and is a great help too but is very careful not to overlap too much with what I do with this guy. She focuses more on the behavioural stuff while he digs out the motivations if that makes sense. I've been very lucky to find them both.

    And yes .. it is helping because now I know what I am trying to do with the food I am trying to allow myself to experience the feelings and deal with them. I'm developing boundaries in my relationships, am building my self esteem and talking more to my siblings. I guess I'm stopping trying to supress who I am and in the process am discovering who I am.
     
  6. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Oh I see, that's great you've sought the additional help - also makes me feel better about my CDC.
     
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