Is it me, am I being unreasonable, so frustrated with hubby

[S-L-W]

You just need to leave him to it and if he wants your help I'm sure he will ask. Feel for you really do because you're coming from a good loving place xx but he's going to just shut off to everything you say if you continue on in this way. You're already influencing and taking care of him by making his meals all slimming world friendly. The rest he's gonna have to figure out himself. Hope it gets resolved x x x

 

[littlemissslim]

Nan,
I totally understand because my whole family all have a high risk hereditary heart condition as well as both parents being type 2 diabetes. My dad was only recently diagnosed, and all the time I was losing weight, he and all the rest of the famalam were totally anti SW. Determined they didn't want to change, it was ibcredibly frustrating when I knew how much losing weight would help improve their health and change their lives for the better. Nothinf I said made any difference.
So I left it. Very hard when it's someone you love. But SW is allo about choice. It has to be their decision. They have to have a 'lightbulb' moment before they can make any changes. If they're not trully ready, then it just isn't going to work.
Being diagnosed with diabetes was my dad's light bulb moment.
But I took that moment, and said I love you and want to have you around for afew more years yet. SW is really diabetic friendly, and it could help reduce your need to be on medication. Please have a look at the booklet and let me help you.
So he did, and he was surprised at what he could eat. The one thing he was adamant about was giving up his booze, and I said you don't have to give it up, but you ciuld cut down, and make a few swaps. So now he is following SW of his own decision, thoroughly enjoying it.
My mum has also been doing SW and going to group. I took her along to my group a couple of years ago, and she's lost about 3 stone, since.
Just let hubby know that you're sorry for going off on one, and it's because you don't want to lose him before his time, and the thought of that just scares you so much.....xx

 

[gazter]

My husband has been doing S W for sometime now. He is diabetic, not on drugs though, and had a scare a while back as his bloods werent good and he panicked and said thats it, I will have to lose weight. He initially did very well and has lost 1.5stone, but his weight is the same now since Feb. Yes life gets in the way, and he has a lot of business lunches. He doesnt understand the plan and doesnt want to. I plan and cook all his meals ( I am a target member). I feel of late his heart isnt in it anymore. He went on a blokes holiday a couple of weeks ago so that wasnt good. He stayed over in a hotel last night on a works night out - again not good. I thought today I could really get him back on plan. We went to Costco and I was going to do a salmon meal tonight. I said to him only suggesting ............... try not to nibble your way round the free samples, I am only suggesting though! Whilst I was looking at the salmon he went over to a lady and took a sample of something off her. I saw red! He told me it was "only a little bit of beef lasagne". Back in the car total silence from both of us, I have ripped all his stickers (my c gave me them for him, he doesnt attend group) off the wall. I just feel so let down, I work so hard trying to keep him on track but I feel this has been the final straw. Am I being too hard, as I am really into S W, or what do others think. He has gone to the gym now and told me not to cook anything for him tonight.!!! Upset.

I understand you care deeply for his health, but it is up to him. If he isn't in the mindset then it isn't going to really happen.

 

[bilsat]

Hi Hollys Nan.
Sorry to hear of your OH refusal to take your advice, as others have said, he is an adult with his own mind, all you can do is carry on cooking healthy meals, it's at least some help.The only way he will follow it Im afraid is when he has a health problem. I was always told by my wife, Doctor to loose weight & I made half hearted efforts at it, but I still put on weight.
A scare like my strokes, however gave me the kick up the ar*e that I needed to realise how bad my food habits were. With time I hope he realises how much you love him & are only trying to keep him for as long as possible.
Good luck.
Pete

 

[hollys nan]

Thanks Bilsat, much appreciate your post. Things are a bit better and during this week he has been totally on plan, and he has been more than happy to do so. In fact my chicken stir fry he said was one of the best things he had ever tasted! Its just the weekends when he goes a bit off the rails and I know that if he counted syns properly he would have a steady weight loss. We go away on holiday soon, so that will be another hill to climb once we come back but I have decided just to take everything as it comes. No point in stressing, as you say hes an adult! I can only advise and be there to cook for him and prepare his lunches for work etc. Again, thank you!

 

[bigsnake]

Some absolutely appalling advice and nonsense in this thread. Don't get me wrong, there are some good points in here.

For a start, not all men are the same. Like every other group of people, some will want to lose weight and others won't. I was told I needed to lose 3 stone as I had higH blood pressure and have since lost over 6st. There seems to plenty of others that have done that but for every 1 like gazter, bilsat and myself there are probably 20 like the partners described in this thread.

But i think to tell anybody that you love, male or female, that the disgust u cos there fat is an absolute ludicrous idea. Fook me. Id dump my missus if she said that to me. Ur fat, self-conscious and get told that ha ha, that's gonna do ya loads of good. And then to compare being fat to a drink problem is just silly.

@ Holly's nan, I know it can be hard, my missus can be a disaster at times. I know u are disheartened but with Cooking you are helping him a lot. Imagine where he'd be since Feb if u weren't cooking for him. It's hard but like anyone else, u can't force them to lose weight, they have to decide for themselves otherwise you'll get a culture where he,s eating outside the house and saying nothing about it. I know people like what u are describing. Get told they need to lose, do so for a while and then go back to the way they were, maybe not with the food tho, more so the drink ha ha.

But look at the bigger picture here, he's his own man and you are you and I think it's a greater achievement that u are maintaining at target. Well done and keep up the great work. And as I said, any little bit will help him.

Well done