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Is it ok if I talk?

Sez

has started again!!
#1
I have just read Chitty's thread and picked up so many words of wisdom from there. I think one quote that has really a chord was that, at my lowest weight (alth not quite at goal) I was a fat person who happened to be in a slim body. I was one who so proudly, and incredulously, claimed that I could NOT understand how folks could lose lots of weight and then just put it back on again. I felt totally on top of the world, I was high on the effects of compliments from all & sundry, and the addictive effect of buying clothes anywhere I fancied, rather than anywhere I could.

I had lost 8 stone at that point, and now I am at least3.5 stone heavier than then, may be more. I am too scared to jump on those scales now. I am ashamed that I have begun lurking in Evans again, and that I search out the big sizes in clothes stores. I have so few clothes I can wear comfortably now. I was foolhardy enough to throw out all my "big" stuff. How cocky of me.

I am so p*ssed off with myself. I am becoming almost reclusive again because of the shame. I cry often, in private. I have dabbled with Atkins, decided to try WW then didnt.... You name I've been there in my head. I have run the full gamut of emotions, I am now empty inside.

So, I have saved on draft, am email to my former CDC to whom I thinking of returning, tail firmly between my much fatter legs. I didnt really have a lot of support from her because our free & work times clashed badly so I was pretty much flying solo. However, I only have a choice of two locally, and the other is a no-no. I think with Minimins support and the fact I have signed up to Ice Moose's weekly inspiration email I may just be able to become a slim person in both mind and body.

I just need your help guys, to make me push that "send now" button. At the moment the shame is winning the "will I, wont I?" battle.

Thanks for letting me go on. I appreciate it.

xx
 
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S: 14st1lb C: 8st10lb BMI: 23 Loss: 5st5lb(38.07%)
#2
There is no room and no reason for shame sweetheart so hit that button and do it now. Weightloss is so much more than just eating less and bingo slimdom, so much of it is in our heads and the psychological battles we face. It is a very steep learning curve that doesn't always go how we had planned but keep trying we must.

xxxxx
 
#3
come on Sarah - you know it's the right thing to do. The pain and upset you are feeling today will soon vanish once you get going on the diet. And you are so right, there's so much support on here to keep you going. Go on, press that button and let us know how you get onx
 

Toots

Gold Member
#4
I know exactly where you're coming from and nodded my head through your post as I've done the same thing and feel the same way!!

Press that button and start the journey to where you want to be - why let your "shame" (ps you have NOTHING to feel ashamed of) stand in the way of your happiness?

xx

xx
 

nadhak

LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE
#6
Sez - I was little Miss Perfect but my halo slipped and I have gained - we are humans who use food for our comfort and we can so easily slip back.
Any CDC / lighterlife counsellor will welcome you back with open arms [and you are business to them after all]
I sent a text to mine - she made me so welcome, did not judge and I am now on day 4 and feel so happy to be sorting myself.
You will too - don't cry anymore Sez - be kind to yourself and do the right thing
A big hug xxx
 

Sez

has started again!!
#7
Thank you everyone. I have done it; I hit send and now my heart is beating much faster with the worry of it all! How daft is that?

I have asked to buy 14 days packs week after next (away next week), with a view to restarting properly 1 Sept, once I am back at school. I intend to low carb the week beginning 25 Aug, in preparation.

I will keep posting. This HAS to be it, we have Florida booked for Easter 09!!
 

xowee-shortieox

Slowly Shrinking. Yay!!
S: 111kg C: 105kg G: 70kg Loss: 6kg(5.39%)
#8
you have nothing to be ashamed of
I Agree. At the end of the day.. each and everyone of us has been in the same boat as you, more or less.

We are here to help you, support you and push you through the good times.
Once you start on your diet again, and start losing your weight, you will remember how good it feels :D

Good Luck Hun
xx
 

Toots

Gold Member
#9
Woohoo!! Well done - betcha feel much happier now!!

xxx
 
S: 14st1lb C: 8st10lb BMI: 23 Loss: 5st5lb(38.07%)
#10
Feeling proud of yourself.... because you should be, well done on taking that step xxx
 

Sez

has started again!!
#11
You know I even feel a little more positive already!! That is the power of Minimins, you fantastic people!

Alth not strictly on CD just yet, I have added my blinkies to my sig to show I am committed this time!!

YAHOO!!!
 

Sez

has started again!!
#13
Just a quick update guys! My CDC replied really fast, and was lovely to me (via the email - not spoken yet!)

Going to send her my order and then I will start proper from 1 Sept. I am actually looking forward to regaining control, via the packs.

Now I need to learn to think like a thin person. Any books I should read that might help the mindset?

Thanks again everyone, I really do feel better now!!

Much love

xx
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#14
What you need to remember is that your CDC will understand - they have fought the same battle as you, and are no doubt still fighting it. I am so glad you got a fast and caring response, and looking forward to reading your new start on 1st September. You can do this Sez :hug99:
 

hanloje

Silver Member
G: 10st0lb
#15
Good luck with your journey hun, I'm the same as you, lost 6 stone via WW and then put it all back on..... and like you still had the same head on my shoulders, but I started back 11/6 and have lost 2 stone already and already am feeling more in control. You have nothing to lose, I wish you all the best for your journey this time. x
 
#16
Sarah i read your post out to my husband and he said it made him fill up, you proved you can lose the weight, and you was human and put it back on, its life, put it behind you, and think i am going to love myself one more time, i am going to lose this weight i put back on, and love my body and myself again, you can do it, we all have faith in you, life throws so much at us, its hard to keep up with the food agenders.

What you need to do is this.

My weight is
I want to be
I will achieve 3 lb loss by
I will achieve 6 lb loss by

And each time you lose 2 or 3lbs you reward yourself, either you add that 2 or 3lb into money and put into a jar, or you reward yourself with some smellies, or learn a hobby, anything that gives you an incentive to carry on.

Sorry very sad to hear you have been so hurt inside you have cried, this breaks my heart, you need now to forgive yourself, and forget it, leave it behind in the past, its just not worth it, you have outted yourself here with friends who care, and now its time to move on.

Kath & John
 

Sez

has started again!!
#17
Sarah i read your post out to my husband and he said it made him fill up, you proved you can lose the weight, and you was human and put it back on, its life, put it behind you, and think i am going to love myself one more time, i am going to lose this weight i put back on, and love my body and myself again, you can do it, we all have faith in you, life throws so much at us, its hard to keep up with the food agenders.

What you need to do is this.

My weight is
I want to be
I will achieve 3 lb loss by
I will achieve 6 lb loss by

And each time you lose 2 or 3lbs you reward yourself, either you add that 2 or 3lb into money and put into a jar, or you reward yourself with some smellies, or learn a hobby, anything that gives you an incentive to carry on.

Sorry very sad to hear you have been so hurt inside you have cried, this breaks my heart, you need now to forgive yourself, and forget it, leave it behind in the past, its just not worth it, you have outted yourself here with friends who care, and now its time to move on.

Kath & John

Bless you for this. I feel all warm & fuzzy inside now! Had a bit of a run in with my own DH re this diet restart. He has no weight problem & cannot understand how anyone can put that much effort into losing 8 stone and then regain half. He just tihnks its wrong & crazy, just kept saying why, why?? In the end I told him I dont need this kind of talk and left the room. He wont say no to CD, the money is my issue not his, its just the effort & the failure (his concept of it not mine!). I know he loves me & he is a great bloke. We have been through so much together over recent years. Just this one area where we dont meet!!

Thankyou seems so weak, but thats I can say! You all "get" e, & that really really helps!!

Watch this space!!!
 
#18
Sarah your husband could have said to you many times, Babe your going to put weight back on if you eat that, he knew the routine of you doing the cambridge diet, he knew how much you put into it, he could have said your putting weight on, not let you put 4 stone on and then ***** to you about it, nice has he is, he should be there for you through your weight loss, weight gain, and support you till you get to your goal, he might not be overweight, but he is not perfect there maybe times he is in need of your support, remember that a relationship is good, bad, terrible, fun, all sorts of words but its also down to being supportive together. We are tripping from your sarah text :) Kath & John
 


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