Sez
has started again!!
I have just read Chitty's thread and picked up so many words of wisdom from there. I think one quote that has really a chord was that, at my lowest weight (alth not quite at goal) I was a fat person who happened to be in a slim body. I was one who so proudly, and incredulously, claimed that I could NOT understand how folks could lose lots of weight and then just put it back on again. I felt totally on top of the world, I was high on the effects of compliments from all & sundry, and the addictive effect of buying clothes anywhere I fancied, rather than anywhere I could.
I had lost 8 stone at that point, and now I am at least3.5 stone heavier than then, may be more. I am too scared to jump on those scales now. I am ashamed that I have begun lurking in Evans again, and that I search out the big sizes in clothes stores. I have so few clothes I can wear comfortably now. I was foolhardy enough to throw out all my "big" stuff. How cocky of me.
I am so p*ssed off with myself. I am becoming almost reclusive again because of the shame. I cry often, in private. I have dabbled with Atkins, decided to try WW then didnt.... You name I've been there in my head. I have run the full gamut of emotions, I am now empty inside.
So, I have saved on draft, am email to my former CDC to whom I thinking of returning, tail firmly between my much fatter legs. I didnt really have a lot of support from her because our free & work times clashed badly so I was pretty much flying solo. However, I only have a choice of two locally, and the other is a no-no. I think with Minimins support and the fact I have signed up to Ice Moose's weekly inspiration email I may just be able to become a slim person in both mind and body.
I just need your help guys, to make me push that "send now" button. At the moment the shame is winning the "will I, wont I?" battle.
Thanks for letting me go on. I appreciate it.
xx
I had lost 8 stone at that point, and now I am at least3.5 stone heavier than then, may be more. I am too scared to jump on those scales now. I am ashamed that I have begun lurking in Evans again, and that I search out the big sizes in clothes stores. I have so few clothes I can wear comfortably now. I was foolhardy enough to throw out all my "big" stuff. How cocky of me.
I am so p*ssed off with myself. I am becoming almost reclusive again because of the shame. I cry often, in private. I have dabbled with Atkins, decided to try WW then didnt.... You name I've been there in my head. I have run the full gamut of emotions, I am now empty inside.
So, I have saved on draft, am email to my former CDC to whom I thinking of returning, tail firmly between my much fatter legs. I didnt really have a lot of support from her because our free & work times clashed badly so I was pretty much flying solo. However, I only have a choice of two locally, and the other is a no-no. I think with Minimins support and the fact I have signed up to Ice Moose's weekly inspiration email I may just be able to become a slim person in both mind and body.
I just need your help guys, to make me push that "send now" button. At the moment the shame is winning the "will I, wont I?" battle.
Thanks for letting me go on. I appreciate it.
xx