Is this a case of "adapted child" behavior?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by lighterlifeclaire, 24 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    Hi All... hope ur all good... and lovin the water and all that :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

    ..... I have a bit of a frustration that I wanted to share... and welcome opinions :)

    I live with my mum and brother and they eat alot of "junk"... they always offer me food when they are cooking and I have to say no EVERY day... in my 70 or so days, I don't think there has been a day where I haven't been offered dinner/chocolate or whatever else...

    However... today it was slightly different.

    I have been out to the pub (yes I stuck to water :p)... I came in at about 10pm and had 2 more shakes to have... so I rolled in, made a shake and sat around ... while I'm eating.. (well, drinking!) my shake... my mum goes "ah, i saved u a bit of chicken... u know? that one u like? the southern fried stuff"... Now, I declined... and didn't even want it... but... does anyone else have this problem??

    I kinda felt bad declining cos she had cooked it... and although it won't go to waste (my gannit of a brother will eat it) I just felt as though... well... I dunno :eek::eek:

    Do people actually cook 4 u?!?!!!!!!!! It's even harder to say no when its been made 4 u!

    Maybe its just me but why r they tempting me so much?? :confused:
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  3. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Slimming World
    Well Claire, now you told me that I think should be very proud of yourself for losing what you have. I would of found it very difficult.

    I dont think you should feel guilty for not accepting the food, even if your mum slaved for 5 hours over a hot stove. You have obviously told her what you are doing. Is your mother overweight, by any chance.

    I think you need to sit down with her again and sincerely ask her not to do it. Do it in adult mode and try not to revert back to child mode whilst you are telling her. Explain how difficult it is when she keeps offering you food and try and get her on your side.

    I am sure she has only good intentions and is not meaning to be difficult, it is in a mothers nature to nurture their children.
  4. Linze01

    Linze01 Full Member

    Sure sounds like adapted child to me, whilst your mum is being the 'nurturing parent'. I can't imagine what it would be like to have food thrust at you like that. I have a friend who always encourages me to try this or that thing she has cooked her but I have no problem with saying no to her. It's different when it's your mum I guess.
  5. Curlygurl

    Curlygurl Full Member

    Hi Claire

    Firstly - well done on resisting temptation!!

    I have only had to put up with this when I go and visit my Grandma. Which isn't very often as she lives in Preston and I live in London. However, when I stopped smoking, I had a few friends who kept offering me fags all the time.

    I think it can be hard for people close to us to see us improving ourselves while they stay the same. By the very act of wanting to change, be different from them, it can almost seem like we disapprove of them. Or think we are better than they are.

    If they use food as a way of cheering themselves up, or making themselves feel better - like most of who are overweight have ourselves done in the past, they may be offering it to you as an act of love. Not that they are trying to tempt you or make it hard. Are you able to talk to them about any of the stuff you do in your sessions?

    It must be hard for Mum's not to be able to feed their children - no matter how old they are.

    You are doing great Claire, hopefully they'll be inspired by your positive attitude and changes and you might bring a whole new healthy way of eating into the house when you start on Management.
    Peridot likes this.
  6. x-Katie-x

    x-Katie-x Gold Member

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    Wow Claire how strong are you to permanently refuse food like that - you need to give yourself credit for that. I thought I had it bad living with my hubby - don't get me wrong he doesn't offer me anything but he's a brilliant cook and always cooks gorgeous meals for him and the kids and I thought that was temptation.... but whereas to be honest he'd probably smack my fingers if I tried to pinch anything out of the pan you're having people actually offer you stuff.

    I can fully understand your mums point of view, she loves you and thinks your perfect and wants to be able to nurture you and probably worries that you're not eating - might be time for a gentle chat with her I think.
  7. Peridot

    Peridot Peridot

    I'm sure she's doing it to try and love you but of course she's actually just making things harder for you. Time for a frank chat? There are other ways she can show her love - and one of those is to support you. If she finds it too hard I guess you could get her making your pack up for you in some way - if you can stomach "muffins" or similar, showing her how to make them up for you and then lavishing them with praise? "This muffin is the best one I've had - you've really got the knack. Yum, yum" etc etc
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