Oh dear. I really need to write here. Make myself think for a while. Right now I'm really full, I don't really like that feeling anymore. I love the feeling of being "empty" that you get from being on cambridge SS, it motivates me, makes me feel like I'm on my way. I'm also trying to find some balance, I know that I need to find a way to eat food that I can live with, and having cambridge-shakes all day is not the solution to that. So I'm eating about 800 kcal/day(Varies but usually 2 cambridge + 500 kcal) and I feel so full! I'm making it low carb, I really like this concept of keeping the carbs down. I don't blame them to be the root of all evil, but keeping them down helps me stay in ketosis and control my urge to eat... Now, I hope. Today I just feel like I had to much, I want to loose the weight now! I want to feel like I'm on my way and that it will happen right now! I want that SS cambridge feeling back, of being empty and on the right track. I'm afraid to eat. Afraid because I feel like I might fall of the wagon and go back to my old habits like eating in front of the tellie (Even if it is healthy food!) I guess I'm afraid because I don't know where my limits are, I don't know when I'm finding a good balance - Being able to enjoy food, keep some of my habits but with better choices that will enable me to live like this for a long long time, having it as a sustaible change - or if I'm loosing it, falling of the wagon. It's really hard. Being on cambridge SS, I can pat my self on the back, go like, yes, we are on our way! Even though I know, logically, here are some truths about my weight loss.
1. Perseverance is everyting. EVERYTHING. Key is to keep going, just keep going. You will fall off, you will have bad days and binges and the key is to just keep doing it. Eventually you will get there.
2. I can not live with to may rules, there must be ways for me to enjoy a night out, watch a movie with healthy snacks. Then I need to find limits within I do these activities, ex, moviesnack can be 100 kcal. And so on. It's like having freedom within the limits. But I guess going back to some old habit like that scares me, because I'm not quite sure that it's okay for me to do yet. I might very easily fall back.
3. I do love exercise, it wont help me alot in loosing weight, but It will make me feel good and relaxed, and that needs to be my workout motivation.
4. I need to feel good while doing it. And right now, I'm really not. I'm also so tired, like insanely tired. I don't know if it's the switch to going really low carb or the low calorie intake that does it. Things that usually works does not, sleep, working out, coffee. Still the same. I hope I'll just be able to push through and that it will get better.
Today I had a total of 1100 kcalories, I FEEL LIKE A FATZO! I know that sounds crazy but I really do, and it's 300 kcal over the limit, that's a setback. I also feel a strong urge to eat, maybe that's what I'm really upset about. I long for pizzas and all of that crappy food, and I haven't really done that before. I have longed for salmon with salads and stuff like that. Something changed, and it changed when I allowed myself more freedom. Maybe I wasn't ready to start mixing food in already.
I'll be stricter with my diaries and calories from now on, keeping myself to the limits, getting some exercise even if I really don't feel like. Hopefully, I'll get over this sort of hump in time... It's hard though. Really really hard. When I could have a nice god damn pizza and watch a movie.
