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JOKES

S: 112.94kg C: 112.94kg G: 76.2kg BMI: 44.1 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#1
Think we should start a Joke Thread so that if you need a little pick-me-up you can come in and have a wee nosy or post a joke that you have heard!

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Patient: What happened?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Patient: Give me the bad news first.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.[/FONT]

********************************************

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor: I am, bit by bit.[/FONT]

********************************************
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."


*********************************************
The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
"I was in bed."
"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
"Getting a second opinion."


*********************************************
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a
walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,"
one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?" They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
 
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