Just been thinking...

[jabbathehut]

Had a couple of humdrum days where I have been lost in thought, and it has occurred to me that now I am losing weight in a noticeable way, I seem to be more 'socially acceptable' and people are making more of an effort to talk to me.

When I lost a lot of weight before I was a lot younger, and pretty naive, but not stupid enough to say yes when guys who never looked at me when I was big asked me out (even though I desperately wanted to go lol, it was a pride thing!).

This time round, I am kind of hard and cynical. I don't know if it is the lifestyle...being married to a soldier and moving every couple of years means friendships are not as deep as they were in my youth, and I have met a lot of fickle people!

What I don't understand is, when I was at my biggest, I felt completely invisible. People didn't talk to me, I was nothing, a nobody. Yet, take away 3 stone and suddenly I am ok to talk to...and talk about in a positive way....I just don't get it. Fat or thin, I'm still ME, just normal, slightly dull Jan. Is it wrong of me to want to scream that out loud the next time someone who previously ignored me tries to talk?

I dunno what I expect from writing this, but sure some of you guys can identify and maybe help me understand it all a bit more.

 

[Bunnyg]

I totally agree, it's crazy, we're still the same people, but I know being fat people treat me differently than when I have been slim.

People are so obsessed with how we look and judge us on that! One of my colleague always describes people negatively "you know the big one, the fat one, the plump one", never you know, the one that works in the same office as so and so or the one with the lovely blonde long hair. Even when there is no need to describe them in much detail, she always likes to point out the "fat one" argghhh!

People are just so judgemental! Being fat doesn't make us 2nd class citizens but people seem to think that way x

 

[Angel155]

Just been thinking...

Again??? You really need to be careful of that hun

 

[night-owl]

Gosh, I thought I was the only one. Being made feel invisible is the key reason I started a vlcd in June. I am so sick of it. I have one guy in mind, a work colleague, about 50, who has twice in the last year come over to me and a crowd of slimmer female colleagues and bought them drinks and not even asked what I was drinking! I am going to really embarass him over that one day.

Also, I just feel that other people's needs are automatically more important than mine. Even amongst friends. Just little things that don't really matter but I know they are related to my weight and the fact that I have been long conditioned to melt into the background and make little of it.

 

[Lynn8124]

Yes unfortunately we live in a superficial society. I feel like I don't exist. I dunno which is worse being stared at as if I've just beamed down from outer space or being totally ignored.

I'll be very careful who I give my time to when I'm slimmer. :giggle:

 

[saraian24]

Same here omg i knew i couldnt be the only one yet didnt know so many women recognised that in themselves either!Im quite shocked - its horrible being invisible though and im not going to be muc longer.
Society is superficial and Im not going to be treated differently over anyone else. Being invisible is a reason i want to slim down too.

 

[abz]

one of my friends lost a lot of weight a while ago and mentioned the same thing. however at the same time i noticed that she made more of an effort to talk to people than she had done, whereas before she tried to blend into the background. when i mentioned it to her she said that actually, a lot of it was probably that she was making herself more approachable now she had more confidence than people not wanting to talk to her while she was fat...

not saying that this is the case in your case. just thought it might be something worth thinking about

abz xx

 

[stinkabell]

I think our own confidence has a lot to do with but when you've had strangers calls you fat, laugh at you, make sounds and impersonate you.. it doesn't make you want to go and talk to new people. Infact, that would terrify me.. I struggle to even use the telephone for fear of the person on the other end and them being a stranger.

I remember once I was on the tube and this guy was really brushing up against me..it wasn't anything but deliberate and very uncomfortable, so I said, please could you stop that. Obviously he was embarrassed that people had noticed and started screaming... if you weren't such a fat b*tch I wouldn't be touching you and hurled into an abusive description of how much i filled the carriage... it was horrible.

 

[abz]

i have experienced things like that too, and it is horrid. but that isn't people wanting to talk to you more now that you are thin. that's people not abusing you as much because you aren't fat any more...

but yeah. i was called a fat b*tch the other day and i just thought 'after all i've bloody done and you STILL won't leave me alone!!'

i suppose i still have a long way to go though...

abz xx

 

[M-azing]

I think Abz has got a point. 20 lbs ago I wore drab clothes, didn't even take te trouble to brush my hair, never put on any make up. I stayed at home as much as possible, I was so ashamed of myself....
I never stood up straight and tried to blend in with the crowd when I went to work.
Now I'm thinner I make something of myself and try to look my best. I walk with a straight back, head up high and face the world with confidence. I guess this makes me more attractive to talk to and I can't blame people for ignoring me as they did. I wanted to be ignored!

There still a lot of superficial b*st*rds out there, I know, especially men (sorry you guys!) and skinny women who never had a problem with their weight. But I agree wit Abz, it probably as to do something with attitude as well.

I watched Wat Not To Wear yesterday, an excellent example: if people feel good about themselves they present themselves differently and consequently are more attractive to talk to.