Sally_Cinnamon
doesn't have a witty name
Sorry, sorry, sorry to be so moany and groany. It's not normally me, but I'm so :sigh: for my wee daughter.
She's going to be 10 next week and she's VERY excited. Now, we live in the States and have been here for 18 months now. All our family (biological, anyway) are back in the UK, as is her dad. Obviously, her dad and I are no longer together *ahem* but we have a reasonably amicable relationship (given all the circumstances ) and he pays child support every week for the girls. He begrudges paying it, but he pays it anyway.
But he thinks that paying a small weekly amount is where his parental responsibility ends. Yes, we moved to the States but he had moved 600 miles away to the top end of Scotland 6 months before we moved, and made very little if any effort to see the girls. When we were back in England, he'd see the girls maybe once every two or three months, and that was only if I instigated it.
Since we moved he has made no effort to stay in touch with the girls. I email him regularly, he's on my facebook page so that he can see the photo albums that I post of them, and the girls can call him any time they want to. But he never emails them spontaneously, or calls them spontaneously, and most of the time when they call him he's out at the pub and can't/won't talk to them. It has got to the point where my eldest (she's 13) doesn't want anything to do with him--she's very disillusioned despite mine and my partner's continued efforts to talk positively about him. We NEVER say anything negative about him around the girls, and in fact go out of our way to make sure that they know he is part of their lives, and that he has many good qualities. I've tried and tried to drop hint after hint to him that the girls need him to be in better contact--after all, he is the adult, he is their father, and they NEED him to demonstrate that he loves and cares for them even from a distance. But he either doesn't hear me or just doesn't want to listen.
We've even invited him over to stay with us (well, actually, in very nice apartment complete with gym and pool that is owned by Susan's family but is only two miles away from us...) and for the girls to stay with him while he's here so that he can have some decent time with them. We've offered to arrange car hire, and we've included his new fiancee in the invitation. We've extended the same invitation to his parents (I still get on with them all very well) but my invitation has been ignored. The girls were devastated over Easter to learn that he'd spent 2000 on a holiday to Portugal with his fiancee (they have both met her) rather than coming over here to see them, and even more devastated when his family didn't send them anything at Easter (the previous year they'd received a huge box of Easter eggs and chocolate treats that we can't get here). They feel ignored and I don't know what to tell them because, quite frankly, I think they are justified in feeling that way. But I can't impose my negativity on them, all I can do is remain positive and make excuses for him.
I'm tired of making excuses though. As I said, it's Izzy's 10th birthday next week and as yet we've heard nothing about what he plans to do for her birthday. Last year, he and his family sent money a month or so in advance. We went shopping for the things that we knew she wanted, wrapped the gifts and put his name on the labels so that she thought he had sent the actual presents, not just the money. This year, so far, we've heard nothing.
It's so hard watching their relationship with him decline because he seemingly can't be bothered with them. Yes, I know I made the decision to move over here (and, in fact, I consulted him about the decision about a year before I moved and he assured me that he would want to visit and stay in touch with them), but it seems that out of sight really is out of mind. Becs, the eldest, is so unhappy about him, she refuses to talk about him or to him. Izzy, being a little younger, is still innocent enough to see him as her hero, but is starting to ask why her daddy never phones her. It's heartbreaking.
There are no solutions to this, I know. He'll be a decent father only if and when he wants to be and I can do nothing about his lack of interest. I just needed to get it off my chest.
I tried to call him earlier to talk about Izzy's birthday but--surprise surprise--he's not home. I've emailed him instead, asking him what he plans to do for her and in a very non-threatening way have mentioned that the girls need a bit more involvement from him. We'll see if and when he responds.
*sigh*
She's going to be 10 next week and she's VERY excited. Now, we live in the States and have been here for 18 months now. All our family (biological, anyway) are back in the UK, as is her dad. Obviously, her dad and I are no longer together *ahem* but we have a reasonably amicable relationship (given all the circumstances ) and he pays child support every week for the girls. He begrudges paying it, but he pays it anyway.
But he thinks that paying a small weekly amount is where his parental responsibility ends. Yes, we moved to the States but he had moved 600 miles away to the top end of Scotland 6 months before we moved, and made very little if any effort to see the girls. When we were back in England, he'd see the girls maybe once every two or three months, and that was only if I instigated it.
Since we moved he has made no effort to stay in touch with the girls. I email him regularly, he's on my facebook page so that he can see the photo albums that I post of them, and the girls can call him any time they want to. But he never emails them spontaneously, or calls them spontaneously, and most of the time when they call him he's out at the pub and can't/won't talk to them. It has got to the point where my eldest (she's 13) doesn't want anything to do with him--she's very disillusioned despite mine and my partner's continued efforts to talk positively about him. We NEVER say anything negative about him around the girls, and in fact go out of our way to make sure that they know he is part of their lives, and that he has many good qualities. I've tried and tried to drop hint after hint to him that the girls need him to be in better contact--after all, he is the adult, he is their father, and they NEED him to demonstrate that he loves and cares for them even from a distance. But he either doesn't hear me or just doesn't want to listen.
We've even invited him over to stay with us (well, actually, in very nice apartment complete with gym and pool that is owned by Susan's family but is only two miles away from us...) and for the girls to stay with him while he's here so that he can have some decent time with them. We've offered to arrange car hire, and we've included his new fiancee in the invitation. We've extended the same invitation to his parents (I still get on with them all very well) but my invitation has been ignored. The girls were devastated over Easter to learn that he'd spent 2000 on a holiday to Portugal with his fiancee (they have both met her) rather than coming over here to see them, and even more devastated when his family didn't send them anything at Easter (the previous year they'd received a huge box of Easter eggs and chocolate treats that we can't get here). They feel ignored and I don't know what to tell them because, quite frankly, I think they are justified in feeling that way. But I can't impose my negativity on them, all I can do is remain positive and make excuses for him.
I'm tired of making excuses though. As I said, it's Izzy's 10th birthday next week and as yet we've heard nothing about what he plans to do for her birthday. Last year, he and his family sent money a month or so in advance. We went shopping for the things that we knew she wanted, wrapped the gifts and put his name on the labels so that she thought he had sent the actual presents, not just the money. This year, so far, we've heard nothing.
It's so hard watching their relationship with him decline because he seemingly can't be bothered with them. Yes, I know I made the decision to move over here (and, in fact, I consulted him about the decision about a year before I moved and he assured me that he would want to visit and stay in touch with them), but it seems that out of sight really is out of mind. Becs, the eldest, is so unhappy about him, she refuses to talk about him or to him. Izzy, being a little younger, is still innocent enough to see him as her hero, but is starting to ask why her daddy never phones her. It's heartbreaking.
There are no solutions to this, I know. He'll be a decent father only if and when he wants to be and I can do nothing about his lack of interest. I just needed to get it off my chest.
I tried to call him earlier to talk about Izzy's birthday but--surprise surprise--he's not home. I've emailed him instead, asking him what he plans to do for her and in a very non-threatening way have mentioned that the girls need a bit more involvement from him. We'll see if and when he responds.
*sigh*