Ladies loo's a funny story.......

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by raudi, 19 February 2007 Social URL.

Post New ThreadFind New
  1. raudi

    raudi One Last Time.......

    Likes Received:
    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Slimming World
    My sister just emailed me this i had to share as i have been sat here crying with laughter for the past 10 minutes!!

    If you have seen it before sorry....

    When you have to visit a public lavatory, you usually find a queue of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your
    you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
    Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
    leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
    matter. The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by
    someone's mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your
    handbag on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - -
    so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck, (Mom would
    turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down
    pants, and assume "The Stance."

    In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
    You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to
    the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your
    trembling thighs, you reach for what you
    discover to be the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you
    can hear your mom's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean
    the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your
    shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose
    on yesterday - the one that's still in your handbag. That would have
    to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller
    than your thumbnail.
    Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.
    The door hits your handbag, which is hanging around your neck in
    front of your chest, and you and your handbag topple backward against
    the cistern of the toilet. "OCCUPIED!" you scream, as you reach for
    the door dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled
    tissue in a puddle on
    the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly on
    the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

    You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
    has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
    uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that
    there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

    You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
    because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
    seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases
    you could get."

    By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
    confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
    that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab
    onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
    that point, you give up. You are soaked by the spewing water and the
    wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum
    you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the

    Now, you can't figure out how to operate the taps with the
    automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper
    and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile
    politely to them.

    A kind soul at the very end of the queue points out a piece of
    toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you
    it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it into the woman's hand
    and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need

    As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used
    and left the men's lavatories. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so
    long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"
    This is dedicated to women everywhere who have to deal with a
    lavatory. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.

    It also answers their other commonly asked question about
    why women go to the loos in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold
    door, hang onto your handbag and hand you Kleenex under the door.
  2. Avatar Matched Content

  3. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

    Likes Received:
    Goal Weight:
    measure up
    awww there are so many public loos like this........funny story though.
  4. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Likes Received:
    That is just SO true!!!
  5. magickmel

    magickmel Loves VLCD's !

    Likes Received:
    Lighter Life and now CD
    Yes indeed, so true ! And don't we need our loos on a VLCD ?!
Popular Forums
  1. is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.