Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
Morning.
FOr some reason, the meds have had an opposite affect on me tonight and they have made me restless. And itchy. So I got out of bed and here I am.
I thought I would tell you guys about something that happened last week, or the week before maybe.
I was cleaning out and organising my bead storage, and in the bottom of a little drawer was an envelope buried under about 6 inches of beads.
I fished it out and pulled out a card. It was from my ex BF, who I was with in between my divorce, and my hubby today. Inside were some photos.
It was quite a shock when I looked at those pics. It was clearly the worst time of my life, and the unhappiest I had ever been. I was in an absolute terrible position in the relationship - wanted out desperately, but to make a long story short, was more afraid to leave then to stay. If I can't have you - nobody will type thing.
Anyway - when I moved over her to the UK, I knew I was big - and felt I was the biggest I had ever been in my life after about 2 years here. I was certain of it. Certainly when I started LL I was bigger then ever!
Well, these photos proved otherwise, and a few things more. I was HUGE. Dangerously huge. Much more so then my before pic on my signature. MUCH more. ANd I looked so unwell, and unhappy - I looked like I had one foot in the grave on one of them! It was a real shock for me to see them, and it just made me so sad that I hated myself that much and hated my life that much to let me get to that stage without noticing it.
It also proved to me what a powerful tool our minds are. I have zero recollection of looking like that. None. At all. I have completely blocked that image from photos, from times I was in a mirror then - its as if it is another person.
I have not decided yet if I am going to post them - they are just so bloody awful - but then again I might, just to show you how we can deny ourselves. Its a scary reminder to me - I always knew I could go into denial, just never thought I could do it THAT well.
I would have to scan them anyway before I could post them, and I don;t know if our scanner works. Will look into it.
What a different life that was. ANd what a different woman that was. Makes me feel bad that no one looked after her. Namely myself.
But she is OK now.
Thanks for reading!
xxx
FOr some reason, the meds have had an opposite affect on me tonight and they have made me restless. And itchy. So I got out of bed and here I am.
I thought I would tell you guys about something that happened last week, or the week before maybe.
I was cleaning out and organising my bead storage, and in the bottom of a little drawer was an envelope buried under about 6 inches of beads.
I fished it out and pulled out a card. It was from my ex BF, who I was with in between my divorce, and my hubby today. Inside were some photos.
It was quite a shock when I looked at those pics. It was clearly the worst time of my life, and the unhappiest I had ever been. I was in an absolute terrible position in the relationship - wanted out desperately, but to make a long story short, was more afraid to leave then to stay. If I can't have you - nobody will type thing.
Anyway - when I moved over her to the UK, I knew I was big - and felt I was the biggest I had ever been in my life after about 2 years here. I was certain of it. Certainly when I started LL I was bigger then ever!
Well, these photos proved otherwise, and a few things more. I was HUGE. Dangerously huge. Much more so then my before pic on my signature. MUCH more. ANd I looked so unwell, and unhappy - I looked like I had one foot in the grave on one of them! It was a real shock for me to see them, and it just made me so sad that I hated myself that much and hated my life that much to let me get to that stage without noticing it.
It also proved to me what a powerful tool our minds are. I have zero recollection of looking like that. None. At all. I have completely blocked that image from photos, from times I was in a mirror then - its as if it is another person.
I have not decided yet if I am going to post them - they are just so bloody awful - but then again I might, just to show you how we can deny ourselves. Its a scary reminder to me - I always knew I could go into denial, just never thought I could do it THAT well.
I would have to scan them anyway before I could post them, and I don;t know if our scanner works. Will look into it.
What a different life that was. ANd what a different woman that was. Makes me feel bad that no one looked after her. Namely myself.
But she is OK now.
Thanks for reading!
xxx
