Seaneen
Short and pink
This isn't a flounce, but it's been coming for a while. And the other thread has just illustrated perfectly to me that I am at odds with this diet, and that I don't belong here.
I might just need to leave this forum in all honesty.
I had a serious eating disorder for years. I don't like bringing it up but it is important, in terms of all this. It was so bad that my oesophagus bled, it took me a while to be able to eat solids again and my teeth are destroyed.
This diet itself hasn't caused any return of eating disordered behaviour. I actually started this diet because I gained 3 stone taking psychiatric medication. I started this diet to control my weight, and reduce it, without resorting to bulimia. And I was a bulimic who never binged. I ate normal amounts of food and threw it up.
I'm "recovered" but all this talk of good food, bad food, failure, cheating, people taking laxatives and agonising over food on which is a hard diet is really getting to me. It's like words on a screen mimicking the thoughts that were in my head for nine years. I've been trying to take a really neutral view on it all, trying to emphasise that people are human and that eating is natural sometimes, but I can't handle all this, "DO NOT EAT! EATING IS BAD!" and "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". That's not anyone's fault, it's the way I perceive it because I spent years on pro-ana forums.
I get so, so upset here reading that people feel like failures for eating, and reading people with little crying symbols next to their words because they ate, hearing people describe themselves as fat and disgusting. It is so upsetting because people measuring their worth by their weight is what I have always done, and so much wanted to never do again.
I know everyone here wants desperately to lose weight, I do too. I am so proud of everyone here for taking control of their lives and their bodies. It is absolutely admirable and I admire all of you.
Thank you for all your support and advice. And I wish you all really well and hope you get where you want to be.
I don't mean for this to be ill natured. I think you're all smashing. Nor am I trying to be a drama queen here- I just wanted to explain because it might explain some of my posts and threads, and why I panic when I perceive someone to be veering into disordered eating. It scares me.
I just do not belong here. I should never have come here to begin with because it has completely stirred and worsened things I wanted to lay to rest. Getting out of the mindset that food is bad and fat is bad is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted.
I also really really really really really don't want to say anything that will sabotage people's dieting or put the thought of cheating into their heads. That's not my intention and never was.
Bye, and good luck on your journeys.
P.S: I am NOT looking for sympathy, nor for people to say, "Stay". I don't want to stay. It's just not healthy for me to be here.
EDIT- Urgh, I feel like I'm being a whiny drama queen. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here.
I might just need to leave this forum in all honesty.
I had a serious eating disorder for years. I don't like bringing it up but it is important, in terms of all this. It was so bad that my oesophagus bled, it took me a while to be able to eat solids again and my teeth are destroyed.
This diet itself hasn't caused any return of eating disordered behaviour. I actually started this diet because I gained 3 stone taking psychiatric medication. I started this diet to control my weight, and reduce it, without resorting to bulimia. And I was a bulimic who never binged. I ate normal amounts of food and threw it up.
I'm "recovered" but all this talk of good food, bad food, failure, cheating, people taking laxatives and agonising over food on which is a hard diet is really getting to me. It's like words on a screen mimicking the thoughts that were in my head for nine years. I've been trying to take a really neutral view on it all, trying to emphasise that people are human and that eating is natural sometimes, but I can't handle all this, "DO NOT EAT! EATING IS BAD!" and "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". That's not anyone's fault, it's the way I perceive it because I spent years on pro-ana forums.
I get so, so upset here reading that people feel like failures for eating, and reading people with little crying symbols next to their words because they ate, hearing people describe themselves as fat and disgusting. It is so upsetting because people measuring their worth by their weight is what I have always done, and so much wanted to never do again.
I know everyone here wants desperately to lose weight, I do too. I am so proud of everyone here for taking control of their lives and their bodies. It is absolutely admirable and I admire all of you.
Thank you for all your support and advice. And I wish you all really well and hope you get where you want to be.
I don't mean for this to be ill natured. I think you're all smashing. Nor am I trying to be a drama queen here- I just wanted to explain because it might explain some of my posts and threads, and why I panic when I perceive someone to be veering into disordered eating. It scares me.
I just do not belong here. I should never have come here to begin with because it has completely stirred and worsened things I wanted to lay to rest. Getting out of the mindset that food is bad and fat is bad is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted.
I also really really really really really don't want to say anything that will sabotage people's dieting or put the thought of cheating into their heads. That's not my intention and never was.
Bye, and good luck on your journeys.
P.S: I am NOT looking for sympathy, nor for people to say, "Stay". I don't want to stay. It's just not healthy for me to be here.
EDIT- Urgh, I feel like I'm being a whiny drama queen. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here.