Like a dog on heat....

Starlit_Cazza

Starlit_Cazza

Restart 3/9/2013
Afternoon all :D

Well as many of you may (or may not) know I am a single mummy to a 14 month old. It has been just the two of us since I split from her father nearly a year ago.

Anyway had a very tough six months after I left (during which i piled on an extra couple of stone, my hair fell out due to hormones, totm went haywire and my confidence and self esteem went through the floor - Men! Pah!), followed by a turbulent period where I was quite low. All of which lead to a complete lack of libido and a feeling of unworthiness, and basically no interest in the opposite (or same! lol) sex.

Anyway, this leads me up to starting Cambridge in early June (3 months ago today!). Things have gradually improved since then - I am more confident as every week goes by, my self esteem is improving, and it is like I have my passion for life back! All of which coincides with me losing 5 stone in 3 months (woohooo).

Suddenly I am becoming very aware of being on my own, coupled with a return of libido, and as I said improving confidence etc. As a result I am finding myself fancying every man I speak to!! lol. I have crushes on several men I work with (all of whom are married and no I wouldnt ever do anything about it), and as the title says, I feel like a dog on heat!!!

Problem is I just don't know how to meet men :eek: sounds dumb but all the men I work with are married, and I just don't get the opportunity to go out alot due to babysitting issues/knackeredness/work/no one to go out with etc. I have tried internet dating (how I met my ex - we were together 2 1/2 years) however it just seems to have got even more sleazy than ever before. Ditto chat rooms.

I think subconsciously as well I am more weary than ever before due to my daughter - I don't want to mess her about, put her at any risk, or introduce her to an ever changing string of men (i should be so lucky). I am also worried that as soon as a man finds out I have a kid they will lose interest completely...

Sorry that ended up being rather long...
 
Hi, I'm no use at all but I didn't wanna read and run..... sounds like you're doing a fantastic job... I also have a 14month old and I think I would have gone crazy without my hubby to help (even tho my boy is a little angel, mostly) and to diet on top of that and do as well as you... :superwoman:you deserve a medal. Hope somebody comes up with some ideas for you... Jules x
 
Hi, congratulations of your fab weight loss. I'm similar to you in the fact that my self esteem and confidence were at an all time low. Not I'm feeling better about myself and have been on quite a few dates. How it boosted me to know that all of them wanted a second date with me.
A man that is worth having will think nothing of you having a child - maybe if you had 6 it might be different!
Anyhow I found my dates here www.plentyoffish.com as long as you put in your profile that you want to date and ARE NOT looking for intimate encounters only, you'll be fine. (unless you fancy a few intimate encounters first, hee hee ) Good Luck
 
i'm not really sure on the way to meet men thing, sorry.
i met my partner, (been together for 18 months and plan to get married in thailand in feb 2010) just down the pub and he was a friend of a friend.
i had my 4 year old son with me, but we just sort of "clicked"
we left the pub and went for a walk, and my son really liked him too.
we met up, the 3 of us and just the 2 of us, a few times before anything "happened".
he moved in and everythings great!

do you have any friens that have single male friends?

could you go to college to do a course and put your child in childcare.
maybe if you find a group of people all liking the same thing, you'd meet some one compatible?

is there a lone parent club or anything near you, a single dad might be right round the corner!

sorry cant be of anymore help.

wanna say a MASSIVE WELL DONE on your 5 st in 3 months that is fabbby!
you must be so proud of your self.

good luck on your man hunt!

let us know! xx
 
heya hun, 5stone in 3months is a huge achievemnet. i was going to suggest internet dating! there is a speed date thing on face book if you use facebook? it looks quite good. ive heard of that site that hope is on about and its good aswell. I met my fella in a nightclub.would you go out much with friends or that? any fella that isnt interestin just cuz u have a kid isnt worth it hun and if you did meet someone i think i would leave it a good while before you introduce them to each other. mr perfect will come along when u least expect it :hug99:
 
Facebook is a great way to get in touch with old friends which can re-ignite your social life leading to meeting new guys (or old flames even).
 
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met the lad im seeing on a web site called tagged ( my profile pic is my daughter, am up front about her so there choice if they wanna contact me.
she came on first date and been with him everyday since9 despite the dumping mix up - he thought i was cheating, when would i have the time) take ur time hun, am sure plenty of men wouldnt mind having you and your daughter in there lifes
just
 
Have you thought about joining a pen pal thing, and writing to a soldier on tour? I know quite a few people who have met good male friends who have gone on to be hubbys this way. You get to know someone really well before you actually meet them, there's less pressure and it could work well.

I met my hubby on a blind date, totally set up by a friend. I was in Norfolk and he was in Kent so for the first 2 months, we texted, wrote and spoke on the phone because neither of us had time to meet up after the initial meeting. But, I felt like I knew him inside and out, there was no awkward first date kind of stuff cos I felt like he was my best mate (pass the sick bucket lol), and everything else just came naturally.

Even if you don't find the love of your life, you'll probably end up with some great mates!
 
I think all the ideas above are very good ones, if i were single id defintely write to a soldier abroad - yum yum! Im not a massive fan of internet dating but i thinks its worth a try and if you do get a babysitter you should defintely go out - you never know you may meet someone!

If a guy doesnt like the fact you have kids then they are not worth it and obviously not very understanding or compassioante -something i always looked for as a singleton.

You have done so amazing loosing 5stone - such a huge achievement.

Guys like confident and vibrant women, doesnt matter of your big or small.xxxx
 
Hi BishBosh,

Congratulations again on your amazing weight loss, by the way.

I'm not sure I can help with any advice regarding dating as such, but wanted to add a male perspective that I hope will reassure you about the fact you have a child. As others have said, some men might be put off by this at first - that's their loss and probably better for you in the long run anyway that they don't stick around.

When I met my wife, she was separated from someone else at the time (not yet divorced at that point). She didn't have any children with her ex-husband; but if she did have, I can honestly say 100% that it would not have changed how I felt about her from Day 1.

Who knows, seeing her being a good mum may even have been another aspect of her to fall in love with?

All the best mate,

Judders74
 
Bish Bosh,

Congrats on your weight loss! Wow! I don't think there is any "right" way to meet someone. It's just as easy to have a bad relationship with someone no matter how or where you met them. I dated my last boyfriend for over 7 years, was miserable most of it...and I met him in person at a club. I've been married to my husband nearly 8 years. I met him online and we are truly the happiest couple I know. My sister has been happlily married about 6 months longer and met her husband online too.

I think sometimes it seems there can be a lot of sleezeballs out there, but that's anywhere, on or offline. I think it's more about paying attention to the lessons you probably learned about yourself with your ex. When I started dating again I paid attention to my instincts and didn't bother dating anyone that I just felt was a waste of my time or would potentially lead to heartbreak. Don't write the internet off if it's really the only way you have of connecting with people. I think it also doesn't hurt going into it with the attitude of just looking for friendship and letting it grow into something more.

As far as a man losing interest as soon as he finds out you have a kid, I suppose that is possible with some. However, there are plenty of guys who don't mind. My best friend has 4 kids and is getting married to a guy with none. Another friend of mine also has 4 and has been happily married to a guy with none of his own for about 5 years. My sister had 2 and is engaged to a great guy...just had their first child together. My own stepdad is the best personal example I have. He considers my sisters and I his daughters, not his stepdaughters and I have never felt less loved than his daughter from his first marriage. I could go on and on. LOL It's a modern world and I think people are more open minded than ever.

Jo
 
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Thanks guys..

Judders - always appreciate the male view :) Funnily enough my ex had kids from a previous relationship, one of whom lived with us. It is something I knew about him before I met him, and it was just a part of him I guess. One of the hardest things about leaving him though was leaving his son behind (he was 6 at the time), and splitting up my daughter from her half brother.

Jojo - thank you - which website did you and your sis meet your hubbies?

Flirty - Thanks...off to look at the site now. Like the idea of meeting someone on a forum :)

Jabba - any idea where i find out about these penpal things?

Everyone else, Thank you for your advice and opinions. and you are right, I can't judge all internet dating on one bad relationship
 
I can only say good things about internet dating, and for me match.com. I met a wonderful man 18 months ago after splitting up with my husband of 7 years. Although I dont have children he does and it didn't bother me at all. In fact as someone who would like children of their own it encouraged me more!

The only advice I would give is to be totally honest on your profile. I said exactly what I wanted, and what I expected, it was difficult to do, but I found with the first profile I wrote I ended up getting lots of mail from people that I wouldnt want to met. I'm 5ft 10 and for me, I wanted someone taller. It felt awful at first saying I wanted to meet someone over 6ft, but if I am being honest, after being married to someone of 5ft 7 I wanted someone who felt physically bigger than me. I really felt I needed looking after. And I found him after my second date!

We spoke for a long time on line and on the phone, and by the time I met him I felt safe and sure that he was a "normal" bloke and that we would have enough in common to go for a meal (oh no I've thought about food again!!!) and a drink and not be stuck with an uncomfortable silence.

Oh and another site I used was Soulmates from the Guardian as they were offering free membership..........I didnt get on with it, it seemed far too serious and dating is meant to be fun isnt it!

I wish you all the luck in the world. Go for it!!

K xx
 
Are there any singles nights in your area which you could go to ?

If not, perhaps you could arrange one yourself....there must be other singles out there in the same boat as you who'd appreciate it !

xx
 
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