Losing My Way

littleblue

littleblue

Full Member
I am really struggling and have hardly lost anything since starting development at the beginning of June!
i have missed a few sessions, due to my wi changing from Thursday to Monday and just can't get back into the swing of things.
My group has been awful, only 1 session since I started development that had any counselling, and that was only 20 mins worth. The people we joined just talk about cheating all the time, and as they have mostly lost 7/8 stone I know I used that as an excuse to cheat myself.
I have started going to the gym 4 times a week, and feel great about that and despite limited weight loss i have lost inches off my waist, hips and thighs- exactly where I need to lose them from. However I cannot blame the plateauing totally on gaining muscle as I have been eating on and off, ridiculous things too. If I had made my wi last week i would have put on at least a couple of kg, so I have been trying really hard since then to lose that extra - then last night I gave in again!
I have never managed to lose more than 3 stone before, and I think I am trying to sabotage myself. If I can just make it out of the 14s I am sure I would be back on track, because that will be unknown territory- I cannot remember when I was 13 something!
I think I will change one of my mini goals.
I will confess all to my llc tomorrow, but she has been very unhelpful to other people in the group. She is very overweight herself and hasn't succeeded on ll, frankly she just doesn't seem to understand and has threatened to throw people out if they don't follow the programme.
So I am confessing all on here as the first stage of my recovery!
 
is it possible to go to a different counsellor? Yours doesnt sound as if she is doing enought to support you.
Hope you manage to get back on track soon, you have done brilliantly so far
 
Dear Little Blue

I feel for you, I really do. And I know exactly where you are coming from but for different reasons. Not sure if you've had a look but there are lots of threads about...Development!

Development is a crazy time and many of us (myself included) have gone a bit bananas (sorry, can't help bringing food analogies in). There is something about having had so much focus in Foundation and then....it's an open field.

And and and, something that you wrote rang huge alarm bells in me. In Foundation, we were not allowed any food chat whatsoever in our group so if you "cheated", there was no talk of it. But in Development, there is so much more discussion about it and I am beginning to wonder whether these chats (about food) act as subconscious triggers to those of us fresh from Foundation. What do other people think?

Anyway, I'd like to give you more than reassurance - you are definitely NOT on your own on this one!

Can you change your LLC? If you are not happy with her, that WILL affect things. From other blogs, I have seen the difference it makes. An amazing LLC (as I have) doesn't stop you going off limits but she would be able to help you move on.

Two things you CAN do immediately is a) a thought record about having lost the weight (how do you really feel about it) and b) have a look on minimins and other blogs to see how others have dealt with these very issues. Oh yes, one other thing, go back to the Foundation book. It's so structured and clear and...helpful.

I think you're amazingly focused about your goals - I see your tracker - you exceed your expectations (well done!) - so now maybe you need to just give yourself the extra support (online and/or at home) to get you through this tricky time.

Good luck in your recovery. And well done for sharing because, I think, that's a huge part of it. We're all going through the same thing, just in different ways!

Take care and let us know how you get on.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxx
 
Little Blue, I've been feeling exactly the same for the last couple of weeks, but this week has been the worst.
I have not stopped bingeing & gorging on food, when the opportunity presented itself i was unable to be strong & abstain.
This week I have even felt really ill & had really bad stomach pains, but that has not stopped me, I'm even in agony now, its like a pain I've never felt before & its only because I have eaten, you'd think I would learn my lesson.
I think we both need to go back to the green book like Mrs Lard has said & try some thought records.
 
aww big hugs.wondered where you were! You are certainly NOT alone & LL really need to look at development because its much too wishy washy and constant boasting about cheating isnt really helpful to anyone. I know quite a few people who have entered the world of food & really struggled to get back on track. I struggle slightly to advise because I havent meandered at all (terrified of not being able to get back on!) and really all I can suggest is go back to basics, identify your trigger time and plan for it and possibly change group if its useless! Do you get support from people in your group or is that no good either? Keep posting and hang in there...it will be worth it!
 
Hiya Lil blue,
sorry to read you're struggling at the moment.

You had some good advise already. It can be soo hard to get back on track, once you've broken off, but it can be done.

Do you keep a diary? If not how about starting one up? Everytime you feel like you're gonna break, go write in your diary.. and find some things to distract you, anything at all - hot baths, kids colouring in books, reading etc

Also have a chat with your counsellor, and perhaps change groups if at all possible... perhaps you could bring up in the group, that all the talk of cheating is not helping you, perhaps others are feeling the same?

Stay strong
 
Hi LittleBlue

You are certainly not alone. i have been doing development for 2 months and have really struggled too. I too find this part of the programme too wishy-washy. There is so much focus on foundation and then suddenly we have completed that with a long way to go still and no real focus.

I went back to my foundation book this week and went through making notes of the most relevent bits. I find it has really helped me.

One of the things suggested in the foundation book was making up a "treat box" for yourself. I have done this with some cheap dvds, toiletries (Lush), jewellery (sainsburys and BHS having 1/2 price sale) and magazines as well as a couple of more expensive items. I have decided that if I am really struggling and dont give into temptation I will treat myself to something out of the box. I may also have a treat from there on a monday night after my weigh in if I have been abstinent all week. I wonder if this would work for you?

I also think it would be worth you seeing about changing counsellors, yours does not sound very helpful at all and its the counselling that you are paying for on this diet after all. BTW our group does have counselling every week still even though there are only two of us left in developers and the rest of the group are on management.

The diary is a good idea too. I use one sometimes and it does help when I remember! Mrs Lard has done a very useful thread about thought records which could help you too.

Going to the gym and working to get that weight gain off is proof that you do want to keep going on this diet as is posting on minis that you need support. You should congratulate yourself too on how much you have already lost, you have done really well!

I hope you manage to get back on track. Take it one day at a time. Maybe if you manage to be abstinent all day you can treat yourself to a candle lit bath last thing at night? No abstinence, no candles? Or making your last shake your favourite. I love the choc with forest fruits in. If I am not abstinent I either don't have it or dont have the ff flavouring. This is simple but is working quite well for me.

Let us know how you get on and Congratulate yourself for getting this far.

xxx
 
Thanks guys, lots of good advice and support. I'm glad I finally owned up to going off the rails, it suddenly hit me today that I was back to my secretive eating habits, I think I might pretend I am in week 1 and start working through foundation again.
I think I might talk to the group, I know some of my original group are feeling the same.
 
Dear LB

Glad you are feeling more positive.

Helen - what a great idea about the treat box (which I missed in the book!) and I love the way you have been handling Development. V.good and something I am going to use myself.

LB - keep us posted.

Mrs L xxxx
 
Little Blue how are you today?
I'm feeling more positive, I haven't got any distractions this week, as in training, birthdays or christenings, so I'm feeling strong & if I find it difficult I will have one of my spare packs from last week.
Helen the treat box is such a good idea, I think I missed that session, I'm going to fill mine with face packs, face creams, bath bombs, I think that might help me keep focused on my bad days.
Anyway Little Blue good luck for the week.
 
Put on 2lbs, my first gain and a real wake up call! I am off now, going to get my treat box sorted- I am determined I will need it this time next week.
 
Aahh Littleblue,

I've just been reading your thread and congratulate you on doing the first important and difficult thing - writing about your experience, and facing up to what has been happening.

You are already so much closer to winning this battle. Great stuff!

It is undoubtably the hardest thing to acknowledge behaviours which creep back to haunt us. It is harder still to not give in to them when they happen. That however is the next step.

You can't do it without tools/weapons though. I have read some of the replies to your thread and there is excellent advice here.

Writing a diary

Writing out a thought record

How about writing out a 'Pro' and 'Con' list (you have probably already done one at some point)

Reread your green Foundation book

When these crooked thoughts rear their ugly heads, argue back with them. Stand your ground.

Ask yourself "What is the worst that can happen if I DON'T give in to the need to eat this particular food?"
"How will I feel in 20 minutes time if I stay strong against the crooked thinking?"

Ask yourself "What is the worst that can happen if I DO give in to the need to eat this particular food?"
"How will I feel in 20 minutes time if I give in to the crooked thoughts?"

It may help you to focus and face what is really going on, and believe me, every success will make you stronger. Partly I think it is changing habits which are SO INGRAINED that it is extremely difficult to swim against the tide. It IS tiring, it IS boring, it IS frustrating to have to keep fighting back all the time.

Ultimately though, it is rewarding, Littleblue, because you gradually see that YOU CAN LIVE THE DREAM of being slim.

There is no easy way to achieve it though. However, you are well on the way to winning, because you have posted a wonderful thread and asked for help. Success is just there... a bit out of reach just now, but only just. Reach a bit more, and you'll get there!
 
Thanks AJ

I know your post was not directed to me but it is exactly what I needed to hear/read. I am struggling in management and beating myself up for the lapses. What you have said has helped.

I will re read the green foundation book. I will crack this and be a slim person and no one said this journey was going to be easy but I guess you do need the lapses to be able to learn from them.

Jo
 
Littleblue are you still on the straight & narrow?
I put on 3lbs this week, that'll teach me to go to 3 functions & eat the food. LOL
I've been abstinant since yesterday morning & I feel determined now to see this through until I go on Holiday.
I hope you are ok?
 
I am glad the "treat box" idea has been welcomed so enthusiastically though I can't claim credit for it unfortunately!

Here is another idea that might help someone too. I have estimated that I have about 14 weeks left before management so I am thinking about counting it out the same way as I did in foundation, even maybe to the point of working through the green book again week by week (which was an idea earlier in the post), by the end of this I should be more or less at target.

The other thing is that I am highlighting every pleasant event in my diary that is anything that is like a treat - dressing up this friday to pick up the new harry potter book at midnight for example, horseriding lessons, an appointment for a facial (which was a birthday present). These are things I was doing anyway so aren't actually costing me anything extra but which I can still use as positive strokes or rewards.

It sounds like you are feeling more positive Littleblue, I hope that you continue to feel so and that we all make it to the end of our journey!
 
AJ

Yet again, what an amazing post. Thank you; there is a lot I can take from that and I am going to forward it to one of my Foundation Friends, who doesn't do any online activity. I think she will find it so beneficial.

Take care and Little Blue, hope you are ok now.

Mrs Lxxxxx
 
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