Discussion in 'Lipotrim Forum' started by LorraTB, 24 June 2009 Social URL.

  1. LorraTB

    LorraTB Full Member

    This might be a bit strange and random, but something I've been pondering for a day or two and wondered if it made sense for anyone else.?????:confused::confused:

    Someone asked me why I have a mask as my avatar on here. I had to think about it. I use it in a few places and it's an image that i feel comfortable with.

    So i tried to work out why and came to the conlusion that it's because of the masks I've worn all my life to hide from the world. Specifically to hide how I've felt about being overweight and fat from the world.

    I've been overweight all my life. I was a chubby child and gradually put on more and more weight as I got older.

    I've worn a variety of masks to cover how sad and lonely and depressed being bigger was making me feel, from the "cheeky, nerdy kid", through the "I'm too cool to conform to society's expectations of skinniness" in my (very pretentious) teens. The "cheerful and practical and always smiling jolly lady" that I show now. There's a few more in between too.

    I guess I want rid of them for good. They were safe and a place of comfort but restricting and never showed me as a real person. I've had through my life a whole bunch of friends who never met the real me.. just my masks... It makes me a bit sad.

    I hope that soon I won't need my mask, that I'll feel confident enough to face the world as I am. Not yet though... I'll hold onto them for a while. Sometimes life feels like a very hostile plasce for me.

    When I see a reflection in a shop window and think yuk how horrid I look, or think I hear someone talking about my size, or watching me in the street, I realise that I still need my mask. I'm not yet strong enough to face life without it.

    So my mask will stay for a while, then I'll put up a pic of me a bit slimmer than now.
    Doirin likes this.
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  3. Michillinwoman

    Michillinwoman sugar binger

    Well said love .Im sure its true for a lot of people with a weight problem. We pretend that we dont care but inside it really hurts. well done for vocalising it so well . Looking forward to seeing your picture up there when you feel comfortable enough to do so.:0clapper:
  4. Scotsmist

    Scotsmist Life is not a Rehersal!

    Hi LorraTB

    I really enjoyed your thread; it made sense and hit home really. Good for you for airing it and being honest with yourself and us.

    I really look forward to that avatar being changed; then we will know you are one step away from becoming the real you.

    You have done so well so far and I am sure you will keep going especially the way you are thinking about things and you in general.

    Again, well done and have a super week!

    Take care
  5. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

    i say, do what makes you comfortable when it comes to posting pics online :)

    none of me here yet -= but there will be one day :) each day as it comes and all that.
  6. ChellyWellyBoot

    ChellyWellyBoot I will be skinny again!!!

    Lorra, What a beautiful thread, Its very true and I can relate to how you feel!

    I truly hope you can let your masks done while you on here, were all / have been in a similar position to you and we will not judge xxxx
  7. Yorkshire Adam

    Yorkshire Adam Gold Member

    Deep thread

    Know what your saying took me awhile to pluck up the courage to post my pics
  8. Doirin

    Doirin Positivity is the key

    Hi LorraTB,
    It could have been me who wrote that. It does get tiring trying to be what others expect but as more time goes by there is a sense of growing into oneself and all the masks are part of that and mesh together to become the person we are. I hope you find you sometime soon, because from what I have seen so far you are someone worth knowing. Wishing you enlightenment and fulfillment.
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