To be honest, I'd agree with that. You're a very good weight for your height but sometimes we look at ourselves through these glasses that have all these different filters on them - fat, ugly, worthless, the list goes on. But just because that's what you see, doesn't mean that that's what everyone else sees or that that's what you are. It seems to me that you have a very unhealthy relationship with food, one where you use it to both reward and punish yourself. I think that's something that you need to work on, for a start you need to realise that you don't need to punish yourself. We all make mistakes, we all go off plan, that's just the way life is. You don't need to beat yourself up about it, you just need to pick yourself up and carry on. Maybe it might be worth having a little chat with your doctor? I don't know what's the cause of your confidence and the way that you see yourself but he/she may be able to refer you to a counsellor or someone so that you can have a chat through it all and try to work on it. The fact that you've realised that maybe it's you rather than your weight is a huge step so well done, from here you can focus on you and getting yourself right rather than trying to lose weight because chances are, even if you did you still wouldn't be happy. You're on the right track now, don't forget that everyone here is here for support if you need it.