Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
THanks SB <hugs>
Ya know, my friend keeps telling me this:
"Women are like Tea Bags. The hotter the water, the stronger we get."
xxx
Minerva; Confessions of a Food Addict.
- Thread starter Minerva
- Start date
THanks SB <hugs>
Ya know, my friend keeps telling me this:
"Women are like Tea Bags. The hotter the water, the stronger we get."
xxx
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
While for now, I have no time or will to write here, I am very much honoured by your honesty. This struck me, and yes... I do understand. Thank you for telling me. Any time you feel you need to 'ramble' I'd be more than happy to listen - by private PM or anything.
Thank you ladies for having a look at my "art" and your comments... There is a lot of pain there - but I merely try to express what we all feel but many times try to shy away from. I embrace it. I guess, as a depressive it's what I understand far better than that all elusive "happiness". - And BL, I never took your comment as feeling sorry 'for' me, I understood. I was sort of wondering why you were explaining yourself...
Either way, I wish everyone to have a fantastic week! Upwards and onwards... to week 6.
P.S. Thank you for the 'Women are like teabags' joke, it made me chuckle!
Blonde Logic
Yes. You can.
And BL, I never took your comment as feeling sorry 'for' me, I understood. I was sort of wondering why you were explaining yourself...
lol - just me worrying. I often worry that here, words without vocal intonations might make what is siad be "misheard". Often times when someone tells me they feel sorry FOR me, I feel like that means pity - quite a different meaning - and I don;t ever want to be pitied, ya know? so I did not want you to think that.
So now I am done explaining myself
As you say - onward and upward!!
And yes, the teabag theory is very good, innit.
Take care hon.
xx
daisydoll
Gold Member
hi minerva
just wanted to say hi and send good luck for week 6.
i looked at the pictures - you are very talented. they have a real edge to them and are beautiful in a sad way (hope that makes sense, sort of soulful is what i am trying to say i guess)
liking the teabag too - i only drink peppermint and the stronger that gets the more tastier too -hope that is a good thing. lol!
daisy x
just wanted to say hi and send good luck for week 6.
i looked at the pictures - you are very talented. they have a real edge to them and are beautiful in a sad way (hope that makes sense, sort of soulful is what i am trying to say i guess)
liking the teabag too - i only drink peppermint and the stronger that gets the more tastier too -hope that is a good thing. lol!
daisy x
Morticia
Happy in my own skin
Hi Min,
I read your post from last week, signed in to write something, then realised I could not really add anything to what Elizabeth and BL had said. Wise words indeed. Sometimes the only thing I feel I can add is support....for what it's worth.
Your art is wonderful, and BL is right you are very talented indeed. I see a sort of freedom in submission in the drawings. Submitting to our feelings, especially when they are so deeply hidden can be a difficult thing to do. I have deep feelings around my childhood/my mother and how I felt unloved. I know they are still there, and still unresolved, but try as I might I cannot access them. 25 years after her death I still cannot access them, I suppose there will be a time when I least expect it they will surface and I hope I can just get bloody angry and then let go of them. Pushing down feelings further and further seems to be something we all do (certainly people who have some sort of addiction) because we are taught that it's rude to let those feeling show, or it's inappropriate in a particular setting.....and by doing so we are just setting ourselves up for problems later. I wish we were encouraged to be more spontaniously emotional as children, it would save so many issues later in life. Gosh that turned into a rant.
I'm so glad you're back feeling more in control of your eating habits etc and doing well with your weight loss. How's the studying going?
I read your post from last week, signed in to write something, then realised I could not really add anything to what Elizabeth and BL had said. Wise words indeed. Sometimes the only thing I feel I can add is support....for what it's worth.
Your art is wonderful, and BL is right you are very talented indeed. I see a sort of freedom in submission in the drawings. Submitting to our feelings, especially when they are so deeply hidden can be a difficult thing to do. I have deep feelings around my childhood/my mother and how I felt unloved. I know they are still there, and still unresolved, but try as I might I cannot access them. 25 years after her death I still cannot access them, I suppose there will be a time when I least expect it they will surface and I hope I can just get bloody angry and then let go of them. Pushing down feelings further and further seems to be something we all do (certainly people who have some sort of addiction) because we are taught that it's rude to let those feeling show, or it's inappropriate in a particular setting.....and by doing so we are just setting ourselves up for problems later. I wish we were encouraged to be more spontaniously emotional as children, it would save so many issues later in life. Gosh that turned into a rant.
I'm so glad you're back feeling more in control of your eating habits etc and doing well with your weight loss. How's the studying going?
I actually identify very much with that Min, and I think it's an admirable quality in some ways - as someone who's suffered with depression myself, I know how alien the world of 'happiness' can seem when you feel locked out of it. I often used to feel like a child standing outside in the cold rain, with my face pressed up against the window of 'normal life', wondering why I wasn't allowed in.
Having that depressive tendency can be a valuable thing in that it gives you an opportunity for self-reflection that many people miss out on. Turning inward can be instructive and helpful. But what you don't always realise when you're there is that it can also be a kind of distorting mirror - you can lose perspective on your real situation after a while, and get lost in the winding paths of yourself.
This is where an outside perspective can really help. Having someone who can give you a more objective take on your situation can help to pull you back up to a place where you can actually begin to progress and deal with the issues in a constructive way, not just hold them at bay in an escapist way. I totally get your reluctance to do this - it's a scary prospect after all, the more so when you're convinced that only you know the reality of the situation. It's so very difficult to trust, when you've gone through your life having to rely on yourself emotionally. You're not used to sharing yourself with someone in that way, opening up to let them have a look and tell you what they see.
Can I just tell you something that a doctor said to me once, when I pointed out all the things I'd been through in life that I'd got myself through? She said yes, you're a strong person, and like all strong people you can pull yourself through a great deal. But you can't do it forever. If you keep trying to carry it all by yourself, the burden is only going to get heavier and heavier, and eventually you will lose your strength. You'll break down unless you find a way to share the burden.
I ignored that and carried on for several more years. But she was right. Eventually I couldn't do it any more. Asking for help was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - like you I'm emotionally independent, self-reliant, stubborn. It was tough to accept that I'd reached a point where I couldn't carry on any more. But getting over that and asking for help turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself. I only wished I'd taken that doctor's advice much sooner.
I appreciate your point about counsellors, but as BL wisely says, sometimes it's just about finding the right person. I wish you would at least give it another try hon, you're struggling by yourself when maybe you don't need to.
I hope you understand that all this is just coming from concern for you, and a wish to see you taking on and dealing with the issues you're carrying. You're a remarkable and interesting person Min, with a lot of excellent qualities. The things you've had to deal with in life are clouding your vision a bit now, I feel - we all want you to be able to shine as the person you really are.
Anyway, I'll stop going on now and just wish you all the best however you decide to proceed, and thank you again for this most fascinating and instructive journal. Your honesty is striking and valuable.
Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Morticia and Elizabeth - thank you both for such honesty and the fact that you wrote these things to me... I have been feeling guilty abou tnot replying because both of these replies affected me strongly when I originally read them and have consequently really helped.. I've had no time at all for anything, but I'm nearly done with the dissertation, it's all over on the 20th September. Self-imposed exile on the living room sofa with a netbook on my lap ends there! Last 2 months have been perpetually, get up between 6-7am, go downstairs, sit, close door and try to start work asap with coffee, eat something throughout the day (usually in the form of a few iceberg lettuces and a medium cauliflower that I nibble), have dinner at 8:30 and then sleep... Every day... With the exception of perhaps 3-4 in the entire 60 days! I'm not quite done yet, but nearly there...
Either way, I meant to say.. .... as my brain has not kicked in yet... I will reply to you both by private messages because I am so very grateful for your inputs. It does mean so much when someone shares things with yoy that come from the heart. Eliz - especially, I remember that your message had some uncomfortable truths that really did make me view the situation a little more objectively and try to get out before I sunk too low. Thank you.
Either way... my weeks have been stressful... I had some slip-ups, but nothing bad. Nothing as bad as the blind sugar-carb bingeing. Those are truly scary. I can stop myself again now, it's magical. I've missed having self-control.
But I am very worried how even the tiniest amount of white bread affects me. I know to keep away from all the addictive foods, and if I have some I need to 'detox' about a week for it "wear off"... For example... I love curry. Obviously, I make the smarter choice regarding the dish - so go for something with less sauce, like a tandoor, no rice. But I do have a Naan. God, I love naan. It's very calorific, but it's a very, very rare treat. And I know I'll have to pay the price.
Obviously eating out is a fairly rare occurrence, so I treat myself in moderation... But, I am still very shocked at how the tiniest amounts send me into destructive spirals. It's easier to see from a "detoxed" state of being, because you still have the power to control the situation. But it does leave me wondering - will I ever be able to eat anything other than protein, vegetables and a little fruit? Not that I have any problem with it, I love these things.
I just have to make sure my OH understands that. I have to keep reminding him not to offer me carbohydratey/sugary things. He loves me, bless him, and likes to share everything - and he does know that I have an issue with it, just forgets in his good will) ). But I suppose he doesn't quite fully understand what a Binge Eating Disorder entails - and that it can mean that eating may never stop when started. It's a hard concept to grasp. But just like a recovering alcoholic can never truly touch alcohol, a BED sufferer cannot touch trigger foods. It seems like an unlikely comparison to make, but it's true. Both are mental and chemical addictions.
I think - since 1 March, today, on 13th September I can finally say that I have control back. Not the SUPER-DUPER control I used to have - but I don't want THAT back. It was too scary. But I can stop when I want to again. It's liberating. And I can choose not to stop too. I eat enough not to get foggy and lethargic, I do need my strength. Fell off the wagon a few times (but nothing major) - but recovered because blips are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I have 12lbs to go until my target, and maybe I'll achieve this by Christmas. I hope anyway! But, if I don't, it's not a tragedy. Life will keep going in the New Year and I'll lose it then.
Plus, there's going to be some celebrating next week... A full year of extremely hard work (what's a weekend?), patience, real perseverance and pushing myself to the limit though some severe emotional losses - comes to an end. My Masters will be finished on the 20th. Surely, a cause for a little over-indulgence?
Self-imposed exile on the living room sofa with a netbook on my lap ends there! Last 2 months have been perpetually, get up between 6-7am, go downstairs, sit, close door and try to start work asap with coffee, eat something throughout the day (usually in the form of a few iceberg lettuces and a medium cauliflower that I nibble), have dinner at 8:30 and then sleep... Every day... With the exception of perhaps 3-4 in the entire 60 days! I'm not quite done yet, but nearly there...Either way, I meant to say.. .... as my brain has not kicked in yet... I will reply to you both by private messages because I am so very grateful for your inputs. It does mean so much when someone shares things with yoy that come from the heart.
Eliz - especially, I remember that your message had some uncomfortable truths that really did make me view the situation a little more objectively and try to get out before I sunk too low. Thank you. Either way... my weeks have been stressful... I had some slip-ups, but nothing bad. Nothing as bad as the blind sugar-carb bingeing. Those are truly scary. I can stop myself again now, it's magical. I've missed having self-control.
But I am very worried how even the tiniest amount of white bread affects me. I know to keep away from all the addictive foods, and if I have some I need to 'detox' about a week for it "wear off"... For example... I love curry. Obviously, I make the smarter choice regarding the dish - so go for something with less sauce, like a tandoor, no rice. But I do have a Naan. God, I love naan. It's very calorific, but it's a very, very rare treat. And I know I'll have to pay the price.
Obviously eating out is a fairly rare occurrence, so I treat myself in moderation... But, I am still very shocked at how the tiniest amounts send me into destructive spirals. It's easier to see from a "detoxed" state of being, because you still have the power to control the situation. But it does leave me wondering - will I ever be able to eat anything other than protein, vegetables and a little fruit? Not that I have any problem with it, I love these things.
I just have to make sure my OH understands that. I have to keep reminding him not to offer me carbohydratey/sugary things. He loves me, bless him, and likes to share everything - and he does know that I have an issue with it, just forgets in his good will
) ). But I suppose he doesn't quite fully understand what a Binge Eating Disorder entails - and that it can mean that eating may never stop when started. It's a hard concept to grasp. But just like a recovering alcoholic can never truly touch alcohol, a BED sufferer cannot touch trigger foods. It seems like an unlikely comparison to make, but it's true. Both are mental and chemical addictions.I think - since 1 March, today, on 13th September I can finally say that I have control back. Not the SUPER-DUPER control I used to have - but I don't want THAT back. It was too scary. But I can stop when I want to again. It's liberating. And I can choose not to stop too. I eat enough not to get foggy and lethargic, I do need my strength. Fell off the wagon a few times (but nothing major) - but recovered because blips are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I have 12lbs to go until my target, and maybe I'll achieve this by Christmas. I hope anyway!
But, if I don't, it's not a tragedy. Life will keep going in the New Year and I'll lose it then.Plus, there's going to be some celebrating next week... A full year of extremely hard work (what's a weekend?), patience, real perseverance and pushing myself to the limit though some severe emotional losses - comes to an end. My Masters will be finished on the 20th. Surely, a cause for a little over-indulgence?
Hi Min, fantastic to hear you're almost through that hard studying, you've done so well to cope with it on top of everything else you're dealing with. Well done! And yes, a little celebration will be called for in a few days.
Completely with you on your experience of needing to keep away from carbs/sugar, and the analogy to an alcoholic not being able to have a drink without risking a terrible downward spiral and loss of control, I touched on that in previous posts. It's still a controversial idea for a lot of people I think, but as more anecdotal evidence leads to more research, I think our ideas on this subject will undergo radical overhaul in the years to come, just as our understanding of the physiological aspects of alcoholism and drug addiction improved over time.
Ultimately you're working out through trial and error what actually works for YOU as an individual, and that's really important. It's only through experimenting and observing how our bodies react that we find the balance we all crave.
Completely with you on your experience of needing to keep away from carbs/sugar, and the analogy to an alcoholic not being able to have a drink without risking a terrible downward spiral and loss of control, I touched on that in previous posts. It's still a controversial idea for a lot of people I think, but as more anecdotal evidence leads to more research, I think our ideas on this subject will undergo radical overhaul in the years to come, just as our understanding of the physiological aspects of alcoholism and drug addiction improved over time.
Ultimately you're working out through trial and error what actually works for YOU as an individual, and that's really important. It's only through experimenting and observing how our bodies react that we find the balance we all crave.
