Modarella's Stressful Struggle

Discussion in 'Slimming World - Weight Loss Diary' started by Modarella, 22 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    :wave_cry:
    Hi, I've been posting for a few weeks now and I think its a good idea to be writing these things down, at the end of the day, my feelings and weight loss are directly linked.

    I'm sure some of you are like me, you comfort eat.
    Something good happen, eat.
    Something bad happens, eat.
    Youre bored, eat.
    You breathe, you eat.

    I have mental health problems that make it so hard to seperate these two things.

    So I took the step to join Slimming World and seek help from the NHS for weight management, i'll be seeing a psychologist in the near future.

    So I'll be writing here almost every day and welcome all your comments :)

    I know i'll find support on this forum and I feel like it really helps:bighug:
     
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  3. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    So I've had ALOT of stress lately in the form of money/ home life/ family etc and i'm finding it really hard to cope (OH had to phone NHS 24 because he thought I was having a breakdown) but i've stuck to plan, every day. But tonight I was supposed to go to group and with all the stress I havent been sleeping, I was sleep walking last night, woke up at 4:40am on the couch?!?!?! And been awake since. So went for a nap and my OH agreed with me that I needed to sleep so I didnt go to group, thinking double the loss next week. I feel awful not going.

    I rarely use over 12 syns a day and i've only used 15 once. So I had 11 left for today and we decided to have a takeaway...
    Using the food optimising book I had 350g of chicken bhuna (mainly chicken and a little sauce) and all the boiled rice to fill me up. Also had a chapatti for 7.5 syns to come off my syns tomorrow.

    I barely ate half of what I had on my plate and i STILL feel horrendously guilty and vile.

    Thats the reason i'm writing as I need to get it out of my system. My OH assures me theres nothing wrong with what i've done and that I'm still sticking to plan. So why do I feel so awful? :(
     
  4. Holidaygirl10

    Holidaygirl10 Silver Member

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    718
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    Start Weight:
    13st2lb
    Current Weight:
    12st12.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st2lb
    Lost(%):
    0st3.5lb(1.9%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hi, thought I would drop by to offer support.:welcome:
    If you read my diary you will see I had " a meltdown" due to stuff at work and have been ill for a year with depression/anxiety:eek:.
    I decided to do SW to help my self esteem as I felt awful about myself and my weight, having been a very slim thing in my younger years! 3 children and a hysterectomy later meant I was 3 stone over weight:eek:
    I find I must tell myself not to get hung up about being on a "diet" as it is just a "new way of eating plan" and that has helped. Yes I get down when I don't lose/have a gain but I make sure I tell myself off and try to be less hard on myself and "next week is another week". The class is brilliant for me as being home all the time, with few friends, I go to a nice quiet class and was honest about my illness from the start and the class has given me the confidence I was lacking. Nobody is there to judge and we all have good and bad weeks:sigh:
    Don't be so hard on yourself and seek the help you need re your mental health. I have CBT which is ok, but not always easy to think positively about everything!
    Message me or write on my diary anytime.:) It's not easy having a mental helath problem as not everyone is understanding.
    This forum is brilliant and there is so much support and lovely people:)
    Look after yourself
     
  5. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply. It means alot. Its just such a struggle sometimes. I've been on medication for 11yrs...I'm only 23. I'll be getting CBT ( if the NHS get their finger out) and seeing a psychologist. So hopefully that'll help. My group leader can be a bit iffy. For example, one week I paid my £4.95 and then bought 2 packs of hi-fi bars. One of the £5 notes she gave me was fake which i realised after trying to use it in sainsburys! I called her (day after group) and explained to her. "I'll have to take your word for it". When I brought it up at group discreetly while paying she just glared at me and stated again that she'd have to take my word for it. As if I'd lie!! She also doesn't have time for talking to us all individually, there's about 20-30 regular members at our group. this forum has helped me more than she has if I'm honest.

    I'll pop by your diary, its nice to find people In the same boat.
    Take care x
     
  6. Holidaygirl10

    Holidaygirl10 Silver Member

    Posts:
    718
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    119
    Start Weight:
    13st2lb
    Current Weight:
    12st12.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st2lb
    Lost(%):
    0st3.5lb(1.9%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hope you have a good weekend. The sun is shining here!:)
     
  7. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    It's raining here!! Lol. Really struggling this week with the plan, SW has given me a really warped view of food...x
     
  8. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    I'm finding that SW is giving me a really bad view of food. Before I started I ate too much, now I'm terrified to eat and feel guilty when I do, wether it's free or synned. I end up in such a state that I want to bring it back up again. But I understand how unhealthy that is.

    It's like I've gone from one extreme to the other. I'm not enjoying my food anymore and since starting SW my sleeping pattern is up in the air. Don't know wether it's linked.

    Just really REALLY struggling. So so so close to quitting. But nothing else has worked. So I'm stuck.

    All I do is think of food and feel like ****, which makes me want the food that I can't have.....

    SCREAM!!!!!!!!!
     
    Last edited: 25 September 2011
  9. Holidaygirl10

    Holidaygirl10 Silver Member

    Posts:
    718
    Likes Received:
    119
    Start Weight:
    13st2lb
    Current Weight:
    12st12.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st2lb
    Lost(%):
    0st3.5lb(1.9%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Maybe this is not a good time for you to be on SW - it seems you are being very hard on yourself!
    The plan is meant to mean you can eat a lot, but healthily and you can treat yourself with the syns as treats. I sometimes feel it's wierd eating so much but recently I didn't eat enough and had a half pound gain over 2 weeks so it is a bit hard to understand:confused:
    I do get hung up about the plan sometimes but I know it's my anxiety kicking in so I have to tell myself off:eek:
    It has really helped me through my illness but maybe it's not for you at the moment?:)
    Look after yourself:)
     
  10. Modarella

    Modarella Full Member

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    I've decided to come off plan. It's not for me AT ALL. I've become a different person and not in a good way. I'm involved with the NHS weight management so should have some help there, psychologically and physically. No diet will help me until thought patterns have changed to allow me to move forward. I know it works for some people but for me it's just not right. I have my grandad who is so supportive, he's been a dad to me. So every week at the same time he's going to phone me and I'm going to weigh in with him. That's all I was paying my fiver for anyway. Got no help, no advice nothing from my group leader. I got more from minimins than her. As long as I make sensible choices and exercise I'll make it :) x
     
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